


Begin Again

by winfrith69



Series: Again [1]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Healing, Hurt Quentin Coldwater, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mpreg, Quentin Coldwater Lives, Quentin survives 4x13., Recovery, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 46,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winfrith69/pseuds/winfrith69
Summary: Quentin survives the Seam but needs to heal and decides to leave everyone and everything. He doesn't leave alone, though. He's carrying and has been carrying a big secret.
Relationships: Alice Quinn/Julia Wicker, Fen/Josh Hoberman, Margo Hanson/Kady Orloff-Diaz, Quentin Coldwater & Alice Quinn, Quentin Coldwater & Julia Wicker, Quentin Coldwater & Original Female Character, Quentin Coldwater & Original Male Character, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Series: Again [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678735
Comments: 103
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!  
> While I work on my other fics, I had this idea floating around, about Q surviving the events of 4x13, but deciding to leave, in order to heal. For this fic, I'm going to ignore the events of s5, so it verges a bit on an alternate universe. This fic will be short, no more than 5 chapters, at least that's my idea. This is what being confined makes you do. After teaching my classes, by the way, kudos to my students for holding up and getting online, when it's time for class! Anyway, there's only so much studying one can do, or so many hours of tv that one can watch, and this is a great outlet. Anyway, enjoy the story. And if you're confined, like me, and many people more, 💪🏼💪🏼 and let's hope this passes quickly.  
> I'm not very convinced about the title, any suggestions are welcome!  
> Thank you!

Quentin checks that no one can see him. He goes to the infirmary at Brakebills, to check that Eliot and Julia are ok after surgery. He sees Alice talking to New Penny and Margo. They seem to be discussing something, heatedly. Kady is with them, but she’s not taking part in the discussion. She’s leaning on a wall, holding a water bottle. She sees Quentin, nods at him, expecting him to come up to them. He doesn’t. He gives her a small handwave and leaves, without looking back. Then he goes to Fogg’s office. 

The dean is already waiting for him. He enters the room and sits on one of the chairs, in front of Fogg’s desk. He stares at the floor, hoping Fogg won’t try to get him to change his mind. He’s been thinking about it for a while, the need to get away from everything and everyone. In the mirror realm, just as Everett died from the explosion of magic, and they run like hell, to get away, he hesitated for a moment. How easy it would have been just to stay back and let the magic kill him. He didn’t do it, at the last moment, he decided to run. He knows he’s not in a good place, not at all. He hasn’t been for a while. But he doesn’t want to go to the hospital. It’s not going to help, just like it hasn’t when he’s been there before. Plus, there’s the one thing he’s been keeping from everyone, which has been hell to maintain in secret: he’s pregnant, about 6 months pregnant. For the baby’s sake, he needs to get away and heal, far away from the drama and the heartbreak. 

None of his friends know that, that he can get pregnant. He found out about that when he was being checked up by Lipson, after arriving from Brakebills South, after the Trials. It seems some male magicians can get pregnant, but usually, they are healer magicians or naturalists’ magicians. However, as Lipson told him, there are magicians belonging to other disciplines that can get pregnant too, though it’s rarer. He’s one of them. So, Lipson told him how it worked: he has fertile days, like a woman’s cycle and if he has unprotected sex, in those days, he can get pregnant. He doesn’t want to think about the other things she told him and showed him, like his scans, having a uterus and an ovary (apparently they have just the one, but it’s enough), that if he gets pregnant, he’d develop a birth canal, just like women, or that he has like menses, but the blood is absorbed internally. Yuck! He’s lucky he doesn’t experience the symptoms, his depression is enough, thank you very much. Since he didn’t want anyone to find out he could get pregnant, he asked Lipson for a spell to conceal pregnancies. She gave him one, one that hides not only his belly but casts like a shield over the pregnant person, so that no one can realize he’s carrying a baby

So, yeah, he’s pregnant and guess who the father is: Eliot. Before they went to Blackspire, before Eliot knew about his decision to stay there, they slept together, for a couple of nights. It was a spur of the moment, a couple of drunken nights they spent at the Physical Kid’s cottage, while they prepared the journey to Blackspire. He didn’t think about it, not until he started to get symptoms. He used the spell Lipson gave him, to hide the pregnancy when he realized he was preggers. The spell has worked perfectly, twice already. Neither Julia, when she was a goddess nor the monster were able to sense he was pregnant. And someone might think how irresponsible he’s been, letting a monster drag him around, throw him around, almost strangle him, facing dangerous enemies … But he was more worried about getting the father of his child back and the spell also protects the baby. Apparently, it’s a spell used by battle magicians, when they needed to go into battle. He could have terminated the pregnancy, he’s pro-choice, and even if it would have been a very difficult decision to make, he would have taken it. The problem: by the time he was himself again, too much time had passed, for the procedure to be safe for him. He decided to keep the baby, at his own risk, while he dealt with the monster. 

But now that Eliot and Julia are safe and that magic is no longer being hoarded by the Library, Quentin needs to think about his child and him. And being with his friends, if he can call them that, it’s not the place he needs to be. He knows they all had many problems, but he was spiraling for months, he was almost suicidal and none of them took their time to talk to him. He managed, just barely, by thinking about his child and saving Eliot. They were his anchors, which made him go on. Now, though, since he doesn’t know where he stands with Eliot, he needs to think about their baby and himself. He knows it’s not right, keeping such a big secret from Eliot, or his friends. However, it’s not the only thing he’s been keeping, not from Eliot at least. 

When he knows that the spell to hide his pregnancy has worked twice, he thinks about the other big secret. The other big, well, huge secret concerns their life at the mosaic. Eliot thinks Teddy is Q’s and Arielle’s son when the truth is that Teddy is Eliot’s and Q’s. It took some creative lies, but the fact that Eliot kind of pushed Q towards Arielle, helped things. It wasn’t easy, but he convinced Ari to allow him to cast an illusion spell, so she would appear pregnant, while he hid his pregnancy to Eliot. Arielle didn’t like it, at all, but the desperate look Quentin had given her when he had explained the situation was enough. It took some careful negotiations and a redefinition of their relationship. Thankfully, Eliot was absent for the birth and Teddy inherited most of Q’s physical features and some that might have come from his grandparents. 

Keeping this from Eliot hasn’t been easy. He planned to tell him the truth about Teddy, in the throne room, after he asked Eliot to give them a chance. But when Eliot had shot down his proposal, Q decided he would never tell Eliot, as much as it pained him. He didn’t want Eliot to be with him out of an obligation, he’d already done that with Fen. 

So, back to the present. Fogg claps his hands, and Q comes out of his semi-trance. “Quentin are you sure you want to do this?” He asks, for what it seems the 5th or 6th time. Quentin nods “I’m sure. I need to leave; I need to focus on myself and this is not the best place. I need a new start” he says, sure of himself, for the first time in months. 

“What about the potion that gives you a new identity?” Fogg offers. Quentin blanches at the question. It’s the potion Alice had planned on taking, after selling them to the Library. The same potion they’d been forced to take, to have their identities erased. The monster found him when he was under the effect of that potion. 

“No. I don’t want to change identities; I don’t want to forget, that would be like using a crutch” He can’t, not in his condition. And he doesn’t want to. He wants, needs to remember every painful experience, so he can learn from them. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m not taking any drink or food or potion you offer me,” He says. 

Fogg laughs “I had to ask. If you’ve made up and don’t want any help from me, what do you want?” He asks, more seriously. 

“When I’m gone, I want you to give them the letters that I’ve written for some of them. And I’d like you to stall them. I don’t want them to come after me. Not that they will, but anyway. I want you to tell them I’ve gone, maybe give them a false location” Quentin requests. 

Fogg stares at him. “I think you underestimate the value you have for your friends, but if that’s what you want, I’ll do it. It’s not too much” He pauses. “Can I ask where are you going? Do you have a destination in mind?

Quentin ponders answering for a few seconds. He knows where he’s going. He’s going to Canada, more precisely, British Columbia. His father and he spent there a whole summer when he was 15. He’s just been diagnosed with depression. His dad, not wanting him to stay at home, alone, took him on his trip, to visit a first nation village, on the coast of British Columbia. His dad, as an anthropologist, specialized in first nations, had gotten permission from the local council, to visit the tribe. There, Quentin had his first experience with a boy, named Gabriel. They shared kisses, handjobs, and blow jobs, and it was the first time Quentin had fallen in love, with someone that was not Julia. Gabriel helped him forget about his crush and made Q wonder about his own sexuality. 

However, that wasn’t the only experience that had made the trip amazing. While his dad was doing his research, he spent time with the shaman of the tribe, who was Gabriel’s aunt. The shaman was a witch, probably a hedge, but he hadn’t known about that. She took him under her wing, teaching him about their culture, their rituals, their spirits … Before they left, she had taken him aside and had given him two amulets: a dreamcatcher, that had been lost in a move, and a pendant. The pendant was a round stone, black and smooth, with a white stripe crossing it, like the stripe of a skunk. The shaman asked Q to wear the amulet always, but he didn’t believe her and never really wore it. He never lost it though. Now he always wears it. She also told him, that when the time came, he’d need to return and she’d welcome him, with open arms. Therefore, that’s where he’s going. To a small village on the coast of British Columbia. 

A throat clears and Quentin realizes he’s been daydreaming. He looks up and Fogg is staring at him, with earnest eyes. He’s asked him a question, but Q hasn’t heard it. 

“Can you repeat the question?” He asks Fogg. 

“I asked where you were going? I imagine you have a destination in mind” Fogg repeats. 

“Canada” Quentin replies. 

“That’s a little vague. Canada is a big country. Where in Canada?” Fogg pushes forward. 

Quentin narrows his eyes. Only Julia knows he’s even been in Canada, but not where. “I’m telling you enough. I know you won’t keep your promise, you’ll cave in, out of a feeling of guilt. So that’s the only clue I’m giving you. Are you going to do what I ask and give them the letters?” He wants to know if Fogg is going to honor that request. 

Fogg sighs. Out of the students he’s mentored, this is the most complicated group so far, and he’s had to deal with people like Marina. But he feels guilty for his involvement in the many quests they’ve had to overcome. It’s the least he can do. 

“How will I know it’s the right moment to give them the letters? He asks 

Quentin has already planned everything; he just must write the letters. He knows what he’s going to tell Jules and Alice. He has no idea what to tell Eliot. Should he tell him everything? The truth about Teddy, the child … He shakes his head. No, he won’t. He doesn’t want to become a burden. Eliot rejected him. If he knew about the child, he’d be with Quentin out of responsibility. Quentin doesn’t want that. He’ll tell Eliot he loves him, just that. 

Quentin answers Fogg “When I cross the Canadian border, the envelopes will change color. You can give them the letters, as soon as Julia and Eliot wake up.”

“Do you have them here? I assume you’ll leave, as soon as you give them to me” Fogg says. 

“Well, I have to write them, but I’ve already packed all my things, from the cottage and the apartment. I’ve said goodbye to my mother and settled the sale of my dad’s house. I just need a quiet place to write the letters and I’ll be on my way” He’s going to fly. He doesn’t want to travel with a portal, he’s never been good at them. The trip to Vancouver will give him time to rest. 

“There’s an empty classroom next door. You can use that.” Fogg offers. “When you’re done, just leave the envelopes on my table”

Quentin nods stand up and shakes Fogg’s hand. “Thank you for doing this for me”

“It’s the least I can do,” Fogg says. It’s the least and it won’t be enough, he thinks, as he watches Quentin leave his office. 

Quentin goes to the class, takes out the three envelopes and pieces of paper. He sits down and writes the three letters. The first one is for Jules. 

“Dear Jules,  
By the time you read that, I’ll be gone. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything crazy. I just need to get away, from the pain, the drama and pretty much everything we’ve been through in the last 4 years. I know you won’t understand. Why can’t I heal there? It’s simple. I haven’t been ok, not for the past 6 or 7 months. It’s not just the monster, there are other factors, that hurt too much to tell. Alice will surely tell you how close I was to giving up, at the Seam. It would have been so easy, Jules, so easy to let go and just let the explosion of magic get me. I ran at the last possible minute, but the thought was there. 

You’ll say, “You didn’t seem to be at the edge” You’ve seen me, you know how I get. But I was. I was inches away from letting myself fall. I didn’t do it, for reasons I can’t tell you. Don’t feel guilty about not noticing. You had your own problems to think about and we were in a FUBAR situation. You’ll beat yourself about it, I’m sure. But I didn’t say anything either, so … Anyway, just remember that I love you and that I’ll be ok. Don’t come looking for me, I need to do this on my own. I don’t know if I’ll be back from where I’m going, but you know that wherever I am, I’ll be ok.  
I’ll miss you, my Jane Chatwin, my best friend

Love, Quentin” 

The second one is for Alice. 

“Dear Alice, 

I know it’s a shitty move to break up with you, with this letter. You can hate me if you want. I know I shouldn’t have gotten together with you again, not if I’m going to bail at the first chance I have. But I think we made a mistake, getting back together. I know I asked and for such a long time it was everything I wanted, a second chance with you. However, many things have passed since then and I believe we’d have hurt each other more if we had continued our relationship. I know you’ll think this has something to do with Eliot. It has and it hasn’t. It has, to certain extent, because I’m in love with him. I’ve always been. But he’s not the reason why I’m breaking up. It’s neither you.

I got back together with you for the wrong reasons. I was not doing ok with my depression; I was spiraling and fast. The only thing that kept me going was saving Eliot. As we got closer to the end, it was harder for me to find reasons to be alive, I was desperate. The time-share spell we did, brought me to when we first got back together. I remembered all the reasons why I fell in love with you and for a moment it felt so good. It reminded me of the beginning of this crazy journey and how hopeful we were. I’d give anything to feel the same way. I needed an anchor and I chose that; I chose you as my anchor to this world. But it wasn’t enough. You saw how close I was to let myself go at the Seam. That made me realize I couldn’t do that to you. I almost died in front of you and you don’t deserve that, not when my death would have been my choice. 

It’s not fair, I know. You deserve someone who’ll love you as for who you are, not as a tether to this world. I know I was wrong to use you like that. I hope you’ll forgive me, in time and that you’ll find your happiness, with someone who really deserves your love. As I’ve told Jules, don’t come looking for me. I need to leave, and I need to do it on my own. I’m sorry, Alice, for everything. 

Vix, love always

Quentin”

The last letter is for Eliot. 

Dear Eliot, 

I leave knowing I’ve saved you, knowing that you’ll be ok. You have your fiercest protector with you, High King Margo. And all our friends, who’ve fought gods, librarians and faced dangers, just to bring you back. I’ve done my part. I vowed I’d bring you back and I did. Now I can rest and heal. Before you go thinking I’ve done the unimaginable, I’m very much alive. However, I know how close I’ve been to the edge, only the idea of bringing you back has kept me alive. I’m taking the cowards way out. I’m leaving like a thief in the night. I know that you’d try to stop me. But I can’t stay, not now, maybe ever.  
You’ll blame you. I know you will. You’ll think that your rejection has pushed me to the edge. The truth is that you hurt me, you really did. But I learned to accept that being your friend was all you were going to be for me, no matter how much I wanted otherwise. It wasn’t your fault. There were other factors, many factors that contributed to my situation, none of them had anything to do with you. Well, maybe the fact that you decided to shoot a monster, without knowing what could happen next, and getting possessed. But that’s about it. I’m not going to explain the reasons, you don’t need to know them. Just remember, it isn’t your fault. 

Before I leave though, there’s one thing I want to tell you. I love you. I’m in love with you. I think I’ve always been in love with you, from the moment we met. You were so cool, powerful, but so nice and welcoming and I couldn’t believe someone like you would ever be interested in someone like me. Becoming your friend, just for the sake of friendship, was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I would have been content just being your friend. Then the mosaic happened. 50 years. You were my companion, my husband, my friend, my lover, the father for my child. I couldn’t believe it. And I wanted to have that with you again, here. When it comes to choices, you’ll always be my first choice, El. I’ll always choose you, no matter what. I wanted you to know that. 

I love you, Eliot, so much

Quentin”

He finishes the letters. Eliot's letter has a few blotches, from the tears that have fallen. He puts them in the envelopes and seals them. He goes to Fogg’s office and leaves the three letters on the table. Fogg is not there. He doesn’t say goodbye, he knows if he does, he’ll never leave. On his way to the portal that connects Brakebills with Laguardia airport, he passes near the infirmary. He sees his friends, in a waiting room. Everyone is there, except him. He lingers for a moment. He’ll miss them. He salutes them with a kiss. They don’t see him. He prefers it that way. He grabs his bag and takes the portal.  
He appears at the airport. He still has some time until he has to board. He goes through the security check and walks around the terminal until they call for his flight. In one of the bookshops, he finds some fantasy books. He buys them and sits close to the gate. 

After a while, they start boarding. He gets on the plane and finds his seat. It’s a window seat. Luckily, the plane is half empty, so he can use all three seats. He can lie down. He watches some episodes of some series, that he’s downloaded on his computer. He rubs his belly absentmindedly. In Canada, he’ll be able to stop using the spell that protects him. He wonders if it’ll be a boy or a girl. He hasn’t been able to get an ultrasound scan. He needs to get checked, by a healer. He hopes Alexandra, the shaman knows a doctor who can check him out. He falls asleep, only being woken up by the flight attendants when they’re giving dinners. He doesn’t eat much. He hasn’t had an appetite for months, only eating because of the baby. He sniffles, swallowing a sob. He doesn’t want to cry on the airplane. 

A few hours later, he arrives in Vancouver. He goes to the city; he’s booked a hotel. He’s going to spend there for 3 or 4 days before he buys a car and goes to the reservation. With the money he got from the sale of his dad’s house, he’s going to buy a car and rent a house. He plans on working, while he still can, but he doesn’t know what. He’ll have to speak to Alexandra about it. Maybe she’ll help.  
The days he spends in Vancouver are the most peaceful days he’s had in the past year. He’s been able to sleep and is slowly getting his appetite back. He feels ready for the journey. It will take him a few days, but he’s in no hurry. He’s going to take it as a road trip. He buys a car, a 4-wheel drive. It’s not very useful in the city, but it will be where he’s going. The terrains near the Kitselas Canyon are a bit rough. He also buys some winter clothing. He wants to get ready when winter comes. 

The journey to the Gitaus reservation is amazing. The landscape he goes through is so green and so wild. It reminds him of a bit of Fillory. He stops several times, to take pictures, and at night, to rest. He sometimes feels lonely, but he remembers he’s not alone anymore and smiles. During the trip, he talks to his baby. He tells the baby about his father, his aunts, his friends. He tells the baby about his brother and grandfather. It’s only been a few days, but he’s starting to feel better, hopeful. He’s made the right call, coming here, he feels it. He hopes, maybe one day, he’ll go back and introduce his child to his friends, to Eliot. For the moment, he’s here and this is going to be his home. 

He finally arrives at the Gitaus reservation. He parks near Alexandra’s house. He goes to ring the bell when the door opens. It’s a young man, his age. He seems familiar. The man looks at him and asks:  
“Quentin? Is that you?

Q realizes who the man is. It’s Gabriel. He’s grown up. He’s taller than Q, and broader too, though not as tall as Eliot. His hair is long, reaching to half his back. He has it tied in a ponytail. He still has the high cheekbones and a narrow nose. His eyes are black, and Q remembers staring at them before they kissed for the first time. He gets closer. 

“Hi, Gabriel. It’s me” he says shyly. 

“Holy shit! Come here!” Gabriel rushes to hug him. Quentin hugs back. Gabe is warm and after months of almost no physical contact, except with a baby monster, he’s a little touch starved. They let go. 

Gabe shouts through the open door: 

“Auntie, Quentin is here!”

There’s a clattering sound, a curse, and steps rushing to the main door. A petite woman arrives at the door. Alexandra, the tribe’s shaman hasn’t changed at all. Maybe she’s got a few more grey hairs, but she’s still the energetic woman Q met 12 years ago. She’s short, shorter than Julia, and a little plump, but with an energy that seems to come from her body. Her hair, which reaches her waist, is tied in a bun. She’s wearing a traditional necklace that marks her status as a shaman. When she sees Quentin, she hugs him, while whispering blessings in their native language. She lets go but keeps an arm around his waist and guides him inside the house. 

Alexandra takes Quentin to the kitchen, where she tells him to sit. She prepares him a cup of tea and says: 

“You’ve come, finally. You can drop the spell, you’re safe here”

Quentin’s eyebrows shoot up. He’s always known Alexandra has some sort of magic, but not that she’s so perceptive. Sensing his amazement, she tells him: 

“I’ve always known you had magic. It seems you’ve gotten some training, but classically taught magicians often forget about the most primitive magic. And I sensed the spell the moment I hugged you. You don’t need it here; everyone knows about magic. I’m guessing you’ll want to get a check-up, see if the baby is ok. Gabe is a doctor and he’s training to become a shaman” 

Quentin breathes in relief. He’s feared they wouldn’t accept his condition. He wants to thank Alexandra, but before he can, she shushes him: 

“Finish your tea. Then you’ll take a shower and go to bed. Sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow. Gabe will give you that check-up later” 

Q is a bit overwhelmed. He has a knot in his throat. He knows that if he tries to speak, he’ll start crying and won’t stop. He feels himself tearing up. Alexandra sees it and hugs him again. He hides his face in her shoulder and let's go. He cries, great wracking sobs. It’s been a while since he’s cried like this. Alex pets his hair, while she whispers nonsense words of comfort. Gabe squeezes his shoulder and Q, for the first time in months feels a little less alone and lost. His sobs become quieter, barely a hiccup. He lifts his head from Alex’s shoulder. He’s a little embarrassed that they’ve seen, in such a vulnerable state. But Alex cups his face and tells him: 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You needed to let go of that anger and sadness you’ve been carrying around. It won’t be the first, nor the last. But now, you just concentrate on healing and on that baby of yours.” She kisses him, on the cheek. “Gabe will show you your room and where the bathroom is. You should rest, it’s been a long journey” Alex leaves the room, leaving Quentin and Gabe alone. Q un-casts the spell. Gabe stares at him, quizzically. 

“How far along are you?” Gabe asks. Q strokes his belly. He doesn’t really know, he’s lost count. 

“About 6 months, give or take a couple of weeks” Quentin answers, not very sure. 

“You’re far smaller than you should be. Tomorrow, we’ll do an ultrasound and an amniocentesis. I also want to check you up, magically” Q turns his head so fast; he gets a bit dizzy. Alex being a magician, or a hedge is a given, but Gabe too?

Gabe laughs “Don’t be so surprised. Most of the people at the reservation have magic. Most of us are self-taught, but there are a few of us that have been classically trained. I imagine you went to Brakebills. I went to the Canadian school, in Ontario” Gabe explains. 

Q gets curious. “How’s the school in Canada? Do you have the equivalent of Brakebills South? What’s your discipline?” 

“Wow, tiger. Slow down. There’ll be time to answer to all those questions. Now, do as auntie says. Go take a shower and go to bed. It looks like you’re going to fall over” Gabe offers his hand, and Q takes it. Gabe helps him get up and puts his arm around his waist. He guides Q to the room he’s going to stay at. It’s a nice room, with an en-suite bathroom. And it’s on the main floor, which will be easier for Q, as he doesn’t have to climb the narrow stairs.

“You have clean towels on the bed and the shower is really easy to use. Sleep well. It’s good to have you back, Quentin” before he leaves Q, Gabe kisses him on the forehead. It’s such an Eliot gesture, that Q tears up again. Gabe looks at him knowingly. He brushes his thumb over Q’s cheek, wiping away the tears that have started falling. “Goodnight Quentin”. 

Q goes into the room. He showers, washing away all the grime, sweat and tears of the last days. He feels a bit better. He gets in bed and turns on his phone. He turned it off when he was at the airport and hasn’t turned it on, until now. He has several missed calls, from Alice, and Margo, a couple from Kady. He even has a missed call from New Penny. He deletes them all. The messages too. He stares out of the window. He hasn’t pulled the curtains. He sees the night sky, the stars so bright, he can make out the different constellations. He sees a shooting star. He wishes for his baby to be ok and for Julia and Eliot to be ok. 

The following morning, he wakes up at the sound of the radio. He looks at the alarm clock, on the nightstand and sees it’s 10.30 in the morning. Holy shit! He really needed to sleep. It’s been a long time since he’s slept so peacefully. When he was caring for the monster, it would often wake him up, at any time, saying it was boring. So, his sleep patterns went down the drain. Not that he’s always slept well. When he’s in a depressive episode, he has insomnia, which makes the depression worse. He stays for a few minutes in bed, just lying around. He feels a kick. It’s the first time he’s felt the baby move. The spell not only hides the pregnancy and protects the baby, but it also prevents the mother, from feeling the baby too. He puts his hand on his belly. The baby kicks again. He tears up, it’s been so long since he’s felt this. He starts talking to the baby. He tells the baby about his father, his friends, their adventures. He tells the baby about Fillory, about his dad. The baby kicks, when it hears Q’s voice. Q is relieved. He started to think there might be a problem with the baby. He’ll have to wait until Gabe checks him up, but he hopes everything will be fine. 

A knock on the door pulls him out of his reverie. “Quentin, are you awake?” Gabe asks. “Auntie says breakfast is ready and you should come, or else” 

Q lays his head on the pillow. He smiles. Alex is a great cook and she’ll always give you a second and third helping, even if you don’t want to. He gets up, puts on a hoodie and goes to the kitchen. Alex is finishing with the bacon, while Gabe prepares the eggs and has the coffee brewing. He asks if there’s anything he can do to help. They say no. He’s the guest, at least this morning. It smells great and Q thinks he’s lucky he doesn’t have morning sickness anymore. That’s one of the things the spell can’t mask. He sits down at the table. It’s full of plates, with scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit, veggies, potatoes and buns, with a couple of bottles of maple syrup. There’s also a pitcher full of orange juice and another full of milk. His stomach growls. It’s been a while since he’s felt real hunger. 

Alex and Gabe sit down, and they start eating. Q eats a bit of everything with gusto. Alex keeps trying for him to get seconds, she says he’s eating for two. Gabe tries to fight off his aunt, by saying that pregnant women don’t need to eat as much, and it’s the same for pregnant men. Quentin laughs at their banter. They finish breakfast and Q gets to help, clearing the table. Alex tells him to go get a shower and to meet them in the living room. 

After taking a shower, Q joins Alex and Gabe in the living room. He sits on the sofa, between the two. Alex takes his hand and asks him to tell them everything. Q starts speaking. He tells them everything, doesn’t leave a single detail. He tells them about Brakebills, the Beast, Julia being a hedge, Fillory, Alice dying, Ember and Umber, the quest for the keys, the mosaic, Teddy, the key of the abys, Blackspire, the promise to Ora, the monster, Eliot’s possession, Alice’s betrayal, the killing of gods, the war against the library, Everett, Julia being possessed by the sister, the axes, the timeshare spell and the Seam and the mirror world. He tells them about almost dying, almost letting go. He finally tells them about his decision to leave the people he loves behind, about deciding to come here. He’s hoarse and crying when he’s done talking. 

Alex and Gabe don’t say anything for a while. They’re stunned. They can’t believe how such a small group of people have been through so much, in such a short time, especially Quentin. Alex squeezes Q’s hand again, while Gabe puts his arm around his shoulders. 

Alex kisses Q on the cheek. “Now you can put all of that behind, start again. Here you’ll heal, become stronger. When your past comes knocking, you’ll be able to face it and come out victorious. Now, you’ll go with Gabe to the clinic, so he can check you out, make sure the baby is ok. Then you’ll rest for a few days. When you’re rested, we’ll start with your training” She pats Q’s hand and gets out. Q looks at Gabe, confused. “Training? What training?”

Gabe smiles “Magic, Quentin. She’s talking about magic. You didn’t think you were coming here, just to get away, right? Auntie has always known you had magic. You weren’t ready then, but now, you are. You’ve been classically trained. Now, it’s time for you to get in touch with your innate magic” Gabe says. 

Q doesn’t know what to say. His idea was to get away, as far as possible rest and heal. He’s never thought about the possibility of learning more magic. Honestly, he’s a bit tired of it, of seeing all the sacrifices one makes, for the sake of magic. He doesn’t want to stop practicing, but the whole magic comes from pain bullshit doesn’t help his state of mind. If he has to be perpetually in pain, to be able to do magic, he wants to give it up. However, Alex and Gabe are offering him a new way to learn, to explore. Maybe he needs that, letting go of the trappings of his training at Brakebills and learning more natural magic. He nods and Gabe smiles. 

“Come on, let's go to the clinic for that checkup” Gabe offers his hand and helps Q stand up. 

They go to the clinic the reservation has. It’s quite big because it’s the clinic that other reservations use. They go to Gabe’s office. On the way, they pass many people, who don’t bat an eye, when they see that Q is pregnant. Gabe, realizing it explains: “People here know about magic and that male pregnancies exist. Don’t worry, no one is going to point and laugh at you”

At Gabe’s office, sits on the stretcher. He pulls his t-shirt and shirt up and Gabe puts the gel for doing the ultrasound. Gabe presses around Q’s belly until an image starts to appear. Gabe connects the audio and they can hear the whooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat. Q is amazed. It’s the first time he’s been able to see the baby and hear him. Gabe prods him a bit more, showing him the different parts: the head, the arms, and feet … 

“Can we know the sex?” Q asks. It’d be nice to know if he’s having a boy or a girl. Gabe moves the wand around and says “Let me see. We should be able to see the sex of the baby, but it depends on the posture. Sometimes, they’re not shy, sometimes they are” He moves the wand a bit more, while he hums. “Let's see. There’s something …” Q gets worried. Has he hurt the baby somehow? He’s used the spell, but maybe the trauma has been more than the spell can withstand. Gabe doesn’t say anything for a while, he keeps staring at Q’s ultrasound. The longer Gabe remains silent, the more worried Q becomes. He grabs Gabe’s hand. If there’s something wrong with the baby, he wants to know. Gabe finally looks at him and smiles. “No need to look so worried, Quentin. I thought I saw something, and I wanted to check. There’s nothing wrong with the baby, or should I say, babies” 

Q’s mouth falls open. He’s carrying more than one baby? Gabe tells him, while he shows him the screen “You’re carrying twins. See, here’s baby one” he points at it. “And here’s baby two” he points at another place. “One is hiding behind the other, that’s why it was tricky to see. We can’t see the sex of the babies today, they’re not in the right position. But since I’m planning on giving you weekly checkups, until they are born, maybe next week we’ll have better luck” 

Gabe turns of the ultrasound machine and gives Quentin some paper towels, so he can wipe the gel. He sits in one of the chairs Gabe has in his office and waits for Gabe to give him more recommendations. 

“Ok, Quentin Everything seems to be ok, but I still want to do an amniocentesis test and I’m going to do a magical checkup. As I told you yesterday, you’re far smaller than you should be, especially since you’re carrying twins. I guess it’s because you haven’t been eating properly, just barely keeping yourself and the babies alive. I’m going to put you on a diet, for you to gain weight. I’m sure auntie will be more than happy to help you with that. I’m also going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins” Gabe writes the prescription. He also writes a prescription for antidepressants. 

Q’s been wary of antidepressants, he doesn’t have the best luck with them. Sensing his reluctancy, Gabe assures him “These pills are made here. They’re more natural than chemical and they’ll work better” Q takes the prescription and they leave Gabe’s office. They go back to the house, where Gabe asks Quentin, to lie down on the couch. Gabe takes out some crystals and starts checking Q up with them. Like he’s done at his office, he hums and murmurs, worrying Q again. Gabe finishes and helps Q stand up. 

“Magically, there’s nothing wrong with the babies or your uterus. There are some scars, from injuries, but the spell protected you and the babies really well. However, there’s some residual magic from the Mirror world. It should fade in a few days, but it’s better if you don’t cast anything for a month or so, just to make sure.”

Quentin nods. “Is there a way of knowing if the babies have magic?” he asks. When he was pregnant with Teddy, he hadn’t been able to go to a midwife that specialized in male pregnancies and going to the centaurs was out of the question, as they were too close to Whitespire. 

Gabe answers “The other father is a magician, then. No, right now, it’s difficult to see, more so with the lingering magic you have. We’ll do another checkup, in a month. Maybe then, I’ll be able to tell you”  
Q nods. He’s happy that the babies are doing ok. He’s surprised that he’s carrying twins. He wishes he could tell Eliot, Julia, and the others, but he recalls, he’s come here, to get away from them too. He needs to start planning. He needs a house; he can’t stay in Alex’s house forever. He needs to start buying things for the babies and he needs a job. He asks Gabe for paper and starts making a list of what he needs. Gabe laughs when he sees what Q is doing. He takes the paper out of Q’s hand and says: 

“Auntie will help you and so will the community. Don’t worry Quentin, we take care of our people and you’re one of us, or will be. There will be time for you to worry about those things. Now you need to concentrate on resting, healing and getting those babies bigger” 

Q laughs. It’s been such a long time since he’s had every day worries. Frankly, it’s a relief. He’s going to do just that. He’s going to focus on healing, his babies and the rest will come to him.


	2. chap 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin gets settled at the reservation, he meets a dog and a horse, he finds his spirit guide and his babies are born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All!  
> First, for all of you who're in confinement, because of COVID-19, be strong and stay safe! We're all in this together and hopefully, we'll come out of it stronger! Also, as always, thanks for all the kudos and comments, they really encourage me to continue with the stories. On another note, I'm a bit bummed about the Magicians ending with this season. I really hoped they'd bring Q back, for the season finale or for a possible s6. Let's hope they'll bring him back for the finale and maybe we might have the Queliot resolution we've been expecting.  
> About the chapter, Gabe and Nick are not intended to become possible love interests, they'll be Q's good friends, but just that. Q's babies are born and I've been wondering about what to name them. For the girl, I was thinking Arielle Julia and for the boy, Max Eliot. But I'm leaving the choice to you. I'm open to suggestions. If you have any, feel free to tell them, in the comment section. The names that appear the most will be the babies names.  
> Warnings: there are references to mental illness, suicide, and suicidal ideas.  
> As always, enjoy the chapter and stay safe!

The first month Quentin spends at the reservation, he does just that, rest, eat and heal. He starts walking every day, there are some easy hiking trails that he can do, without getting too tired. He doesn’t want to put on too much weight, because if the babies start growing, he’s going to be as big as a house. Alex helps a lot with that. She’s a great cook, she’s teaching Quentin to cook and when they eat, she always gives him second and sometimes even third helpings. He soon starts looking healthier, not as thin as he did, when he first arrived.

He also has his regular checkups with Gabe. On the third or fourth, they finally discover the sex of the babies. He’s having one of each. That’s handy, Q thinks. His babies won’t be alone, and they’ll have each other. Sometimes, he gets nostalgic and thinks about his friends, especially Julia and Eliot. She’d be a great aunt, spoiling his babies and teaching them about Fillory, magic … Eliot is a great father. For all the fears he had, about being like his father or being a bad dad, he stepped up to the task and Teddy grew up to be the best man one could ever raise. Margo would teach his children how to fight and she’d teach them about all the nerdy things they shared. He shakes his head. That’s in the past. It’s not worth agonizing over the what-ifs, the maybes and he knows he’s made the right choice, coming here. And he has a family here. Alex has appointed herself as an honorary grandmother and Gabe is becoming a good friend. 

In that first month, he, with Alex’s help, starts looking for a house and a job. He has the money from the sale of his dad’s house, but he can’t stay forever in Alex’s house and he doesn’t want to be unoccupied. He’s going to be busy when the babies are born, but he wants to find something before they’re born. 

He gets lucky. They have discovered an archeological site and the government is letting the natives oversee the site. Thanks to Alex’s recommendation, he’s given a job, repairing the objects they dig out. It turns out that apart from the regular objects, like vases, or weapons, there are some magical artifacts and his discipline comes in very handy when the delicate objects need to be repaired. This leads to the leaders of the Kitselas nation offering him a job as a curator, repairing the objects they have in different museums and archeological sites. He’s offered a full paid leave and being able to take his children to work when they’re old enough. Overall, it’s a pretty good deal. He also volunteers to teach at the local school, and they tell him, he might have a spot, the following school year. 

He finds a house, in the reservation. It’s close to Gabe and Alex’s houses. It’s a one-story house, which suits him very well, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It needs to be renovated, but Gabe puts him in touch with a contractor and they soon have the house ready. He just needs to set a room to be the nursery and decorate the house. It also has a garden and it’s close to the trails of the park. He thinks that he can get a dog, maybe even some chickens and have a little vegetable garden. 

He also starts volunteering at the animal shelter at the reservation. They not only have cats, dogs, and other domestic animals, they also take care of injured wild animals and teach about the local fauna. At the shelter, he befriends a filly, who has been rejected by her mother. He feeds her, plays with her, being very careful and soon, the filly follows him around the terrain, like an overgrown dog. She’s very gentle with him, doesn’t kick or bite and loves to nuzzle his belly and feel the babies move. He’s been speaking with one of the women in charge of the shelter and he’s thinking about adopting her. She has to be broken in, but she’s too young. Gabe knows someone who keeps horses, and they have offered Quentin a place in their stables. 

Apart from the jobs and the volunteering, after that month of rest, he starts learning magic with Alex and Gabe. At first, it’s a little frustrating. The way the natives practice magic is unlike anything he’s ever seen. It’s not like the magic done by hedges or magicians. They use tuts but don’t rely on circumstances. It’s closer to the magic Julia could do as a goddess, but it’s not even that. He must rely on his abilities. To do that, he must meditate, a lot, to get in touch with his magic core. For Alex and Gabe, it’s easy, they’ve been learning it their whole lives. But he has been taught to do magic in a calculated way, considering the many variables that can affect a spell. He wonders what the people do, not to become niffins, as he’s seen them do some pretty strong spells. Alex explains that it’s part of their religion and spirituality. When they manifest magic abilities, they need to go on a spiritual quest, to search for their spirit guide. Then, they’re given a quest, by the spirit guide, to unlock the access to their full powers. Usually, it’s aided by some sort of drink, that has slightly hallucinogenic properties, but in Q’s state, he can’t use it. He must learn the hard way. 

Alex teaches him to meditate, to free his mind and let go. She tells him to find that quiet place, a peaceful place, his inner sanctuary. She tells him to picture it in his mind, all the details. Quentin compares it to Sherlock’s mind palace, but Alice tells him mind palaces are usually for keeping information. The place he must imagine, must be a refuge. When Q starts doing that, he sees the mosaic, the small cottage, and the surrounding forest. Once he’s got the place, Alex tells him that must stay in that safe place and wait until his spirit guide appears. The spirit guide is usually an animal, but sometimes it might be a person. Alex tells him he must be patient, as guides often take their time manifesting. For the spirit guide to come, he must empty his mind, open his senses and his heart and call out. The spirit guide will hear his call and come to him. 

The problem is that Quentin can’t empty his mind. As soon as he’s in the quiet place, visions of all the things that have happened in the past 4 years come to haunt him. He sees the Beast, Alice as a niffin, a shade-less Julia, Ember, the vision of him, from the abyss key, Everett and most importantly, the monsters, still possessing Eliot and Julia. When the bad things that have happened to him appear, his sanctuary becomes dark, the trees seem to loom and thunder begins to roll. Usually, when that happens, the visions try to attack him which breaks his concentration. 

Alex and he talk about that. Alex tells him that he has PTSD, that when people have been through a lot of trauma, they have problems reaching that peaceful state of mind. She suggests he starts therapy. Q is not convinced. How can he explain to a therapist, all he’s been through, without talking about magic? He’s convinced that the therapist would think he’s crazy and would want to have him committed, which, in his condition, it’s no good. 

Gabe offers a solution to that problem. There’s a therapist who’s a hedge. He works at the clinic and he can take Q, a couple of days a week. So, not very sure, Quentin starts therapy again. In therapy, he talks about his friends, their adventures, the challenges … He talks about the past year, about seeing the man he’s in love with, being possessed by a monster. He talks about almost killing himself, almost letting go. He gets angry with his friends and shouts at their indifference or neglect, of not seeing he needed help, of just asking him to go on, as if it were so easy. He deals with his dad’s death, not being there and his mom’s anger, because dealing with the aftermath of his dad’s death, should have been his responsibility, according to her. 

Nick, his therapist, gives him homework to do, which is to meditate, but with a change. Nick tells him that the visions that haunt him prevent him from reaching the peaceful state he needs for his spiritual quest. When Q tries to make them disappear, the visions surround him and taunt him, like the girls in Carrie. Nick tells him that he must confront his visions, fight them, instead of trying to make them disappear. He tries to do that, but, his demons, as he has started calling them, gang up on him, telling him he should have died, that he’s not loved, that he’s a freak, for being able to get pregnant … He often ends those sessions crying and bone tired. He tells Nick, he doesn’t think he can confront his demons, it’s too much. Nick suggests confronting his demons, one by one. He tells Q to start with the least harmful and work his way up. He tells Q it’s not going to be easy, there’s too much pain and he’s been carrying those demons for way too long. Nick also tells Q off, for not having taken his meds in such a long time. Q tries to justify himself, by saying that Fogg told him he wouldn’t need them since he had magic. Nick gets angry on Q’s behalf, at Fogg’s irresponsibility. It seems that neither Alex, nor Gabe, nor Nick believe in the magic that comes from pain theory. 

So, Quentin does what Nick’s told him to do. The next time he’s meditating, he’s alert. He has begun to recognize the signals that mark his demons are coming, like the sky getting dark and stormy. His dad is the first. As soon as his dad is at the mosaic, Quentin tries to create a barrier, like wards, keeping the other demons out. He feels them, banging against his mental wards, wanting to get in. He tries to concentrate and focuses on his demon-dad. The vision starts accusing him of being selfish, of putting magic before anything else, of letting him die. It accuses him of being a bad son, of making things hard for Ted Coldwater. Quentin tries to reason with the vision, give his side of the story. The vision is persistent. Quentin wants to punch the vision of his dad, but he knows that if he does that, the vision is only going to get stronger. He tries something different. He agrees with what the vision says. He admits what the vision accuses him off and tells it that he’s ready for any punishment the vision thinks of. The vision is stunned. Quentin smiles a little. He’s made progress. The visions trying to get past the wards disappear. 

The vision of his dad no longer stares at him with hate and disgust. It forgives him and tells him he’s a good son, that he’s done more than enough. Q hugs the vision of his dad, and it disappears. He lies down on the mosaic. He feels tired but he’s happy. He’s finally made some progress. While he’s lying, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a shadow moving. It’s not a vision, so it must be his spirit guide. He still can’t see what it is. Suddenly, the place starts to shake, as if there were an earthquake. He falls and wakes up, gasping. Alex and Gabe are next to him. It seems he’s been meditating for hours; Alex has had to wake him up. 

Gabe checks him up and tells him he can’t go that deep, he might not wake up. Alex tells him he needs something to call him back when he’s gone too deep. They tell him not to meditate for a few days until they find the anchor. Q agrees. After having woken up, he’s realized he’s spent more than 4 hours, when he usually meditates just for one, maybe two at most. It has shaken him a bit. This is what Eliot must have felt when he was possessed. At least Q has been able to come up. Eliot was locked in his mind for months! 

Quentin stops meditating and concentrates at his volunteer job in the shelter. There’s a new arrival, a wolf-dog puppy. Well, it’s six months old. The family that owned it, left him at the shelter when they realized it would grow to be quite big, but it’s a very sweet dog. It’s a boy. He’s white and has amber eyes. The first days he’s at the shelter, he spends them cowering away from everyone. He doesn’t bite, but he shakes like a leaf, when someone gets close to him, he remembers being abandoned. Quentin starts spending time with him. At first, he goes near the kennel, sits on a chair and talks to the dog, or reads to him. Little by little, he starts getting closer to the kennel. The dog, when he hears Q’s coming, approaches the door of his kennel and lies down, to listen to Q talk. He starts wagging his tail when he sees Quentin arrive and barks softly, to greet him. 

After several days of slowly approaching the dog, letting him know his scent, hear his voice, see him, Quentin tries getting in the kennel with the dog. He takes the chair he usually sits on. Now that he’s bigger, he doesn’t want to sit on the floor, it will take him quite a while to get up. The first time he goes in the kennel, he sits down and starts reading one of the Fillory books. The dog approaches him and puts his head on Q’s lap. Quentin, very slowly, raises his free hand to pet the dog and scratches his ears. The dog is surprised at first but then allows Q to continue petting him, even protesting when Q stops. 

They become friends, the dog always coming up to greet Q, when he comes to the shelter. Q starts taking him out on walks. At first, Gabe is concerned. The dog is quite big, and he could hurt Q. But, just like the filly, the dog is surprisingly gentle with Q, even protective. It’s as if they sense that he needs protection, or they sense the babies. Madison, the woman in charge of the shelter, tells Q he should adopt the dog. Q doesn’t think about it. He adopts the dog and becomes the proud owner of a wolfdog. He needs a name. he can’t keep calling him buddy. He searches for different names. Since the dog is white and they’re in Canada, he looks for names that have to do with snow, ice or cold, but in a language, no one has heard before. In Gabe’s office, he finds an article about languages that don’t belong to any of the big linguistic families. He investigates a bit and finds the perfect name: Izotz. It means ice in Basque. Now that he has a name, Q can register the dog, put a chip on him and take him home. It’s a pity Quentin can’t do the same with the filly. But Madison tells him that the filly will stay at the shelter and become a therapy horse. She also says Q can name her since he’s been her primary caretaker. Q decides to name the filly Ilargi, which means moon in Basque. The filly is a black and white pinto horse, and she even has a moon-shaped spot, in one of her flanks, hence, the name. 

So, Quentin settles with his new housemate. They go on long walks, and Izotz is always careful not to drag Quentin around. He stays close to his owner. He’s very protective of Q, but soon accepts Gabe, Alex, and Madison, and the friends Q is making at the reservation. Q is allowed to bring him to work, as long as he doesn’t break anything or doesn’t bother anyone. For being such a big dog, or will be, Izotz is rather silent and graceful, almost like a cat. But he loves to cuddle and his preferred spots are near the fireplace in their house, or on the sofa, with his head on Q’s lap. Just like with Ilargi, Izotz loves feeling the babies kick, and when Q talks to them or plays them music, he’ll howl, or growl, or bark, as if he were talking to the babies too. It makes Q laugh. 

And company isn’t the only thing Izotz provides him. When Q starts meditating again, the first time he goes too deep. He’s woken up by Izotz, that senses there’s something wrong with Q. When he comments this to Alex, she tells him to use Izotz as an anchor. She teaches Q how to establish a mental bond with the dog. At first, Q is reluctant. He remembers how much he protested to Mayakovski when they had to do the mind control exercise. But Alex tells him this isn’t mind control. It’s establishing a bond, very much like the one he’ll have, with his spirit guide. 

Quentin works on that and soon he manages to establish a bond with Izotz. It takes a bit getting used to it. Sometimes, when he’s working on something that doesn’t require a lot of concentration, his mind wanders and bonds with Izotz’s and he can, well, not read his dog’s mind, but get a feel of his mind, the general feelings. It always cheers him up, Izotz thinks about going on walks, chasing squirrels, food and cuddling with Q, not in that exact order. 

With Izotz as an anchor and protector, Q’s finally able to meditate without fear of going too deep. Little by little, he manages to overcome his demons, which is not an easy feat. Whenever he defeats a vision, it always leaves him tired and needs to rest for 2 or 3 days. But he sees the elusive shadow he saw when he defeated the vision of his dad. It’s still not clear what it is and Alex tells him that the spirit guide can be any animal, they don’t necessarily have to live in the American continent, they don’t even have to be real animals. Q thinks it’d be cool to have a spirit guide that’s a dragon or a unicorn, but with his luck, he’ll probably get a raccoon or something like that. 

Gabe monitors him closely. Now that he’s eating healthily, his babies are growing and when he gets to his 8th month of pregnancy, Q feels he’s as big as a house, often waddling around the house. He still goes on walks, but they’re shorter now, as he can’t move as well, and having a baby pressing his bladder most of the time, means he needs a bathroom pretty often. Q can’t wait for the babies to be born, don’t get him wrong, the last months of his pregnancy have been great, compared to his firsts and he loves how the babies respond to his voice, or Izotz’s. Now that the date is approaching, he gets nostalgic and often thinks about calling Eliot or Julia and telling them where he is. Then, he thinks that his friends are better off without him and this will be a solo adventure, well, until the babies are born. 

Gabe moves in with him, for his last month. It’s mostly for medical purposes, as Gabe wants to take care of him, so when the time comes, they’ll be ready, and Gabe will take him to the hospital. And now that he’s meditating more, Izotz isn’t the only one to be there, if Q goes too deep. Quentin wants to try and find his spirit guide before the babies are born, because after, he will be pretty busy, even with Gabe and Alex helping him. The three of them, along with Nick, whom Gabe used to have a thing with, help Q decorate the room that will be the nursery and set the other room for kids, for when they grow up. As it turns out, Gabe and Nick reconcile and start dating again, which Alex predicted would happen. Q looks at them, how happy they are and longs to have that. When Alex sees him, she grabs his hand and tells him that his love will come, that he’ll find happiness. Q can only hope that she’ll be right. 

The 4 of them go to Vancouver to get the things for the babies, like bassinets, clothes, bottles, diapers, lotions … and toys, many of them. It’s a good thing they have a portal because Q wouldn’t have been able to make the 7-hour trip, not even in his new car. They use his bag of holding to carry everything they buy. Most of the shops have shipping services, but it’d take days for his things to get there and he wants to have the nursery and the room ready. 

And Q continues meditating. He’s close, he can feel it. The elusive shadow gets closer to him. It calls him, asks him to follow. Usually, when he’s at his mosaic safe place, he’s sitting down, waiting for his spirit to come. But Alex has told him that if the spirit is calling him, he must go and find it. So, he gets up and starts following the pull, and the voice calling him. It doesn’t sound human, nor like the voices of the talking animals in Fillory. It’s more like a melody, soft and welcoming. He starts walking through the Fillorian forest in his mind and comes to a clearing. There’s a stream that looks like the Wellspring, though much smaller. In a pond, he sees some otters playing. He stares at them for a few minutes. They seem so happy as if they didn’t have a care in the world. He sees that it’s a mother with a couple of cubs. The mother is floating, while her cubs swim around her, never letting them out of sight.  
There’s a noise and Q stops looking at the otters. Something is approaching the stream. A deer comes out. Q holds his breath. Could it be? But the deer just stops to drink some water and goes away. He hears the voice again. He looks around, but only sees the otters. Then something moves and the otters swim away. It’s a predator, by the way, the otters act. Quentin stays very still, only moving to see where the noise is coming from. She leaps suddenly, in front of him. It’s a female cougar, and she’s also pregnant, by the looks of it. She approaches him and sniffs him around. She pushes his hand with her head and sits at his feet. Q is amazed. He sits down and slowly moves his hand, to pet the cougar. She stares at him as if daring him. He touches the cougar’s ear. She moves her head, so he can pet her better. He starts scratching her ears and moves to pet her neck and belly, where he feels the babies move. She makes a noise, like a soft screech. They stare at each other and he hears her, in his mind. It’s the voice/melody he’s been hearing.

“What has taken you so long, little brother?” the cougar asks. “I’ve been waiting for you, for ages!” She sounds a bit indignant and impatient. 

Quentin chuckles and apologizes “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were waiting for me. If I had known, I’d have come sooner”

“Well, the important thing is that you came. I wanted to come sooner, but your demons prevented me from reaching you. I’d have killed them if I could have” the cougar says. “It’s my duty and my privilege to guide you and protect you, and your cubs, though they’ll soon get their own spirit guides,” she says while looking at the otters, who are playing in the stream again. 

Q looks at the otters “They are the spirit guides of my children? Of both?” 

“Yes, those frolicky water dwellers are the spirit guides of your children. If we wait, they might come to meet them” the cougar says. “Little brother, you had me worried. When I tried to reach you, I sensed a great turmoil in you, not just your demons, your spirit too” 

Q looks back at the cougar. “I have been through a lot, especially the past year. That’s why I’ve come here because I need to heal.” 

The cougar nods “Good. I’ll help you keep your demons at bay. Your canine companion, your anchor, he helps, but he can’t reach you here. And I’ll help you with your new path of learning. Magic will be easier to do and you’ll find that maybe you have untapped powers and abilities. Don’t worry, little brother, I will not abandon you, now that I’ve found you. But it’s time for you to leave, you’ve been here long enough, and your protector is getting worried” 

Q pets the cougar for one last time. He senses that Izotz is getting antsy and will bring him back, in a few seconds. He gives one last look at the otters. His children have spirit guides too. He must tell this to Alex, she’ll want to know. He comes to, Izotz licking him and whining, as asking if he’s ok. He wants to tell Alex immediately, but Gabe tells him that he’s been under for like 2 hours, so he’s sent straight to bed. The following morning, Alex comes, and they share breakfast. 

“Gabe told me you found your spirit guide” She says.

“Yes. It’s a cougar” Q replies. 

“The cougar, is it female or male?” Alex asks. 

“It’s female, but I don’t see why that’s relevant” Q answers, puzzled.

“Because cougars are one of the most protective species of felines and when their cubs are in danger, they attack swiftly and without hesitation. Tell me, what there anything else that was remarkable?” Alex asks again. 

“Well, she was pregnant, and I met her at a stream. There were some otters playing and the cougar told me they were the spirit guides of mu children” Q tells Alex what he saw and what the cougar told him. 

Alex smiles and pats his hand. “Yes, pregnant women, or men, often mee the spirit guides of their children, before they’re born. The otter is very apt, they’re playful creatures and help you go with the flow. And you said the cougar was pregnant?” Q nods. “Hum, that doesn’t mean she’s pregnant herself, more that she chose that shape, to show you that there’s strength, even when you’re most vulnerable. You must trust her; she won’t misguide you. You have a strong spirit guide, she’ll protect you and help you assert yourself” Alex explains. She offers him a book on spirit guide symbolism, so he can learn more about his and his children’s spirit guides. 

“Now that you have your anchor and your spirit guide, we can start your lessons, but we’ll wait until after the babies are born since they could come at any moment. Don’t stop meditating, get to know your guide, but don’t stay too long in the spirit realm” Alex advises. Before she leaves, she gives Q some basic spellbooks, so he can start trying them. She tells him Gabe can teach him. 

A week before his due date, Q wakes up one night, feeling pain in his lower back. He’s been having Braxton-hick’s contractions for some time, but now they seem to be coming at a regular pace. He calls Gabe, who comes with Nick in tow. They help Q get up and getting ready to go to the clinic. Nick grabs his bag and calls Alex, to tell her to take care of Izotz, for the night  
.  
On the way to the clinic, Q’s waters break. They stain Gabe’s car, which embarrasses Q. Gabe tells him not to worry, there’s a spell to clean stains like that. Being a doctor teaches, one learns spells to clean all sorts of body fluids. 

At the clinic, Q is rushed to a room. After an examination, Gabe tells him that his birth canal is starting to for, kind of like the dilating for women and that just like women, it can take minutes or several hours. Teddy was a quick birth and Q hopes for the same with these two. But after a couple of hours, Gabe tells him it’s going to be a long one. It happens, with twins. Gabe tells him to walk, which may speed up the process. Q starts walking around his room and the corridor. Nick and Gabe help him. When he has a strong contraction, he holds their hands so tightly, he almost breaks them. And he curses Eliot and his dick, out loud.

8 hours later, his birth canal is formed, and he gets on the bed to give birth. Nick is helping him, while Gabe is ready to take the babies. A nurse has the cribs ready and she assists Gabe. 

“Ok, Quentin. The babies are ready. I can feel the head of the first baby. Now, when you feel the next contraction, I need you to push. One, two, three, push!” Gabe encourages him. Quentin pushes, as hard as he can. He hasn’t been given any painkillers; it’s not recommended for pregnant men. He groans and squeezes Nick’s hand, who winces and tries to let go. 

“Shit, motherfucker! Damn you, Eliot! Damn you and your magic dick!” Q curses, as he continues pushing. He feels the head coming out. 

“Good, Quentin. I can see the head. That’s the hard part, ok. As soon as the head comes out, the rest is easy” Gabe continues encouraging him. Nick adds: Why don’t you curse your friends? I’m sure it’ll help” Q stares at him, for a few seconds, but when the next contraction comes, he loses it: 

“Eliot, if you were here, I’d cut off your balls! Margo, ovary the fuck up? You try to ovary the fuck up when you’re trying to get out a watermelon out of your twat. Jules, love you, but seriously, what the fuck, New Penny? As if the old one wasn’t bad enough. Alice, you should remove the stick up your ass, I’m sick of your holier than thou attitude! New Penny, I can’t even start. No matter the timeline, you’re always a huge dick! Kady, tough bitch, but when things get hard, you’re a coward. Hey, that’s something you share with Eliot! Seriously, fuck you guys, really!” With that scream and a push, Q feels the head of the baby come out. Then the rest of the body. He hears a wail; the baby is breathing. He lies back, while the nurse checks on the baby. She covers it with a blanket and a beanie and brings it to him. 

“It’s a healthy baby boy” She tells Q, while she passes the baby, so Q can hold him. As soon as Q has his baby in his arms, he tears up. He smiles and stares at his son. He has the same overwhelming feeling of happiness, fear, exhilaration, that he had when Teddy was born. The baby stares at him. His eyes are that greyish-blue newborn babies have. He wonders what color they’ll be. He caresses the baby’s cheek, with a finger.

“Hello baby, welcome to the world”. Q wants nothing more than to rest and hold his baby. But a contraction reminds him that he’s not done. Gabe encourages him again:

“Quentin, I know you’re tired, but you have to make the last effort and your baby girl will be here too. Same as before, ok. On the next contraction, I need you to push. The baby is in position” 

Q gives his son back to the nurse, who places him in a crib. He grabs Nick’s hand again and waits for the contraction. It comes and he pushes, cursing his friends again. Their ears must be ringing. He stops, panting. His brow is sweaty, his bangs sticking to his forehead. He’s let his hair grow since he’s come here, but it’s not long enough for him to tie it in a bun. Nick gives him some ice chips, while Gabe tells him to push again, he can see the head. The next contraction comes and Q pushes as hard as he can and the head comes out. He lies back again, while Gabe and Nick encourage him to push again, a last push. Gathering all his strength, he pushes and the baby comes out, screaming at the top of her lungs. Gabe cuts the cord and uses a spell to heal him down there. The nurse has cleaned the girl and takes her to Quentin. He holds her, she’s smaller than his brother. One of her arms has gotten out of the swaddle and Q holds the little hand, counting the perfect small fingernails. The baby grabs his finger and he tells her: 

“Hello, baby girl. I’m your daddy. Welcome to the world” The baby stares at him, and he vows he’ll do everything to protect his babies, no matter the cost. Gabe and Nick, who are holding hands, stare at him fondly. 

The nurse brings the crib with his son and a couple of bottles. While he can get pregnant, he lacks the equipment to be able to feed them, so formula it is. The nurse puts his son in his arms and asks  
“Have you thought of names for the babies?

Q looks at her. He’s been looking for names, but none of the names he has thought about, appeal to him. He shakes his head. The nurse says: “It’s fine, don’t worry. For the moment, they’ll be Baby Boy Coldwater and Baby Girl Coldwater”

Q looks at his babies and back at the nurse. “Coldwater-Waugh” he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long rant at the beginning. The next chapter will be about Q's friends dealing with him leaving. I have two choices on how to have them know about Q's babies:  
> 1\. They find about the babies when they find Q.  
> 2\. Lipson makes a comment and they realize Q was pregnant while dealing with the monster.  
> Which one do you prefer?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others find out that Q has left and try to track him. Julia wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!   
> I hope everyone is safe and staying at home! Lets hope this will be over soon and that we'll be able to resume our normal lives soon. New chapter! My plan was to have the gang find about Q, Julia and Eliot waking up and then the gang finding about Q's surprise. But things got a bit out of hand and by the time I got to the part where Julia wakes up, I'd already written about 5000 words. So I've decided to split the chapter in two.   
> So the finale! That damn finale! First, for me, it didn't seem like a series finale, it was more of a season finale. And seriously, WTF? Eliot steals those time-altering gadgets but doesn't send the letter, or use any of them to save Q, because Jane says it might screw up with the timelines? Could someone else have written the letter and sent it? And couldn't have they thought about asking Santa for help, in s4? And Margo saying she understands Q's sacrifice (you sacrifice for the people you love) when his death was a suicide disguised as a heroic sacrifice (I'm still a bit bitter about last years season finale). And Eliot and Charlton? I don't have anything against Charlton, he's been helpful, especially to Eliot. But their relationship comes out of nowhere, mostly because he's there and available? Seriously? They could have brought Q for the finale, at least. Even the dark king gets a semi-happy ending! One of the few things that I did like, and that I thought might happen, was Julia naming her kid after Q, even if it's just a second name.   
> Anyway, sorry for the rant! Enjoy the chapter and thank you for all your comments and kudos!

Somewhere in the British Columbia …  
Quentin names his children Arielle Julia, AJ for short, in honor of his wife and his best friend and Alec Eliot Theodore, in honor of the baby’s other father, brother, and grandfather, and the other most important woman in his life, Alice. He knows it’s a handful and that Alec is not the male equivalent for Alice, but it’s the closest thing. 

Meanwhile, back in New York, 2 months and a few weeks before. 

Quentin checks that no one can see him. He goes to the infirmary at Brakebills, to check that Eliot and Julia are ok after surgery. He sees Alice talking to New Penny and Margo. They seem to be discussing something, heatedly. Kady is with them, but she’s not taking part in the discussion. She’s leaning on a wall, holding a water bottle. She sees Quentin, nods at him, expecting him to come up to them. He doesn’t. He gives her a small handwave and leaves, without looking back. Kady goes back to watching Alice, New Penny, and Margo. Probably Coldwater has gone to the restroom or to get something to eat or drink. He’ll be back. She goes back to paying attention to what Alice, Margo, and Penny are discussing. From what it looks like, there are a lot of hand gestures and Margo kind of seems to menace Alice with something.

She approaches them, it seems like Penny and Margo are ganging up on Alice, which isn’t entirely fair, not after coming back from the Mirror World, just a few hours ago. As soon as she gets closer, she hears they’re asking, more like demanding Alice, to tell Zelda, to remove the siphon that controls the flow of magic. 

“Come on Quinn! You’re friends with Librarian lady, and she’s one of their fucking higher-ups! Tell her they need to remove the siphon! Lipson could use the extra magic to better cure Eliot!! Margo says.   
Penny nods. “Julia too. Now that the decision has been made, she’s no longer in such a pain, but it’d speed up the process of healing” 

“I can’t ask her that. We don’t know what the situation in the Library is like, and there’s still the McAllisters. They control part of the order and if we remove the siphon, they could come for us” Alice counters back. 

Kady decides to intervene. “The McAllisters won’t be a problem” 

Alice, Margo, and New Penny stare at her. “Care to explain?” Margo asks. 

Kady smiles a satisfied smile and explains “Well, someone tipped off the authorities about some shady businesses going on, at the McAllister's house. Something about foreign-looking women, looking like they were trafficking with humans. The FBI went to investigate, and they found the labs, where they experimented on the fairies, along with blood and human remains. They have been accused of human trafficking, organ trafficking and their finances are being investigated too. The best part is that if they try to use any magic-related defense, the authorities will think they’re crazy. Those that survived the fairies’ massacre, have been arrested or have had to escape. I’m happy to tell you that Irene was one of those among the arrested” 

“Well?” Penny asks Alice. “If the McAllisters aren’t a problem anymore, that means Zelda is the head of the order and she has the authority for removing the siphon. Tell her” He kind of orders.   
Alice looks at Kady. “What do you think? I mean, the Library is tatters, after the Monsters attack and Everett dying. I can’t ask Zelda to remove the siphon now, can I?”

Kady sighs. “Look, Alice, you know what I think about the Library and their holier than thou attitude when it comes to who should have access to magic and how. Even after their leader turned out to be evil, even after what he has done to the hedges, even to us, you still believe the Library should control the flow of magic?”

Alice looks dejected. “Can we ask Q?” 

“What, you think that now that you’re back together, Coldwater is going to blindly agree with you, just so he can cozy up with your tits?” Margo says, derisively. 

Alice blushes frowns and gives a hard stare to Margo. “No, I don’t believe that. But he’s got good ideas”

“His two best friends in life are fighting for their lives. Do you think that he’s going to give a shit about some poor librarian’s feelings?” Margo says again. 

Alice shakes her head. Margo is right. With Julia and Eliot still in danger, Q’s not going to side with her. And they might have gotten together, and Margo can say whatever she wants about Eliot being one of Q’s best friends, but she knows better. She knows that she doesn’t hold the same place in Q’s heart as she used to. Someone has occupied that spot and it’s not Julia. She looks around, trying to see where he is. 

“Where is he, by the way?” She asks the others. 

“I just saw him a few minutes. He came out of the rooms where Julia and Eliot are staying and then he just went, I don’t know, maybe to get something to eat or drink, or to the restroom. Or maybe he went back to the apartment, he seemed pretty beat” Kady explains. 

“We can’t wait until Coldwater decides to come back. Alice, you have to make a decision now” Penny urges. 

Alice throws her hands in the air and huffs. “Fine, I’ll contact Zelda tomorrow. Happy?”

Margo pats her cheek as if humoring a child, which makes Alice angry. “Atta girl. I knew you’d see reason. I’m going to inform the Fillorian crew, see if they can come for a few days” 

New Penny says “I’m going to check on Lipson and I’ll go to the apartment, I’m beat too”

Before he can travel out, Lipson appears. “You can all go home, or do whatever, but you’re not spending the night here. Don’t worry, I’m watching them. If there are any changes, I’ll contact you. Otherwise, you can come back tomorrow, visiting hours only” And she ushers them out of the infirmary. 

Penny travels them to the apartment. They don’t see Q there, but the door to the room that he uses is closed. He’s probably asleep. They’ll see him tomorrow, most likely. They have a silent dinner and Margo gets a messenger bunny, to send a message to Josh and Fen. Then, they all go to bed. 

The following morning, when they wake up, they see that the door to the room Q has been using is closed. Huh, maybe he woke up before them and he’s at the infirmary. Alice leaves him a couple of messages and tries calling him a few times. His cellphone is off. Maybe he doesn’t have any battery and can’t read the messages or see the calls. Margo tries calling him a couple of times too and leaves him some colorful messages. After breakfast, they all go to the infirmary again. 

When Lipson sees them, she sighs and approaches them. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to respect the visiting hours. But, since you’re here, what do you want?”

“We want to know how Julia and Eliot are, and visit them” Alice explains before Margo does. 

Lipson starts walking down a corridor, and the others follow her, while she explains how they’re treating Julia and Eliot. “Julia is doing much better, her wound is healing, but with the ambien magic still being so low, it will take a lot of time and physical therapy. And I can’t do a full checkup, to see the magical damage done by those axes you brought, Margo. I can’t tell if her shoulder will regain fully its function, which might affect with her casting”

What about Eliot?” Margo asks, apprehensively. For once, she’s too scared to hide it behind her usual bravado. 

“Well, Eliot is … Eliot is alive and for now, it’s enough. It was touch and go during surgery, you really did a number on him, Margo” Margo looks embarrassed. Lipson continues explaining. “Gut wounds always take a while to heal, they’re quite a bitch. Luckily, you didn’t hit any major organs or rupture his intestines, which increases his survival. The worst part is the damage his body has suffered. I can’t see the extent of it, because of the ambien magic, but from what I have seen, he’s going to need a lot of recovery and I would suggest getting him on an AA program” 

They get to the ward where Eliot and Julia are. Since they’re recovering from the same thing: magic ax wound and possession, they’re being kept in the same ward. When they get there, Margo and Penny stare pointedly at Alice, reminding her of the discussion they had the previous day. They see that Q is not there. 

“Professor, have you seen Quentin?” Alice asks. “We thought he might have come earlier”

“Oh, Quentin? No, I haven’t seen him. But that reminds me, You and you” Lipson says, pointing at Alice and Penny “You went with him to the Mirror World. You were there when the magic exploded. I’d like to do a checkup on both of you, see there are no traces of the magic and that you came unscathed. When you see Quentin, tell him I’d like to do the same to him, since he was closer to the explosion”   
Alice nods and wonders where Q is. She tries calling him again. His phone is still off, and she leaves him several messages and voice mails. She goes to the cafeteria, to get a cup of coffee, while Margo and New Penny stay with Julia and Eliot. Kady follows her. 

Alice sits down on a table and pours sugar in her coffee. “You’re going to give yourself cavities with that much sugar” Kady says, as a greeting, and sits down too. 

“What do you want, Kady?” Alice asks. With Q not being there and Margo and Penny ganging up on her, so she asks Zelda to remove the siphon, she doesn’t really want to talk to any of them. Where the fuck is Q?

“Look, Alice, I know you’re in a shitty position. You want to help our friends, but at the same time, you know that the situation in the Library is not easy. However, you must think whether allowing them to continue controlling the flow of magic is the right thing to do. Now I’m not just telling you as a hedge. I’m telling you as a friend. Look what has happened. You’ve atoned for your part in allowing the Library to take control, but our friends are still suffering the consequences. And Quentin, New Penny and you almost died, trying to save all of us. You still can’t believe the Library has good intentions when it comes to the access of magic. You must tell Zelda to remove the siphon. She’s the closest thing the Library has to a Head Librarian and she trusts you. I can go with you if you want” Kady offers. 

Alice huffs squares her shoulders and says “No, I’ll go alone. Zelda will think we’re threatening her if you come. But thanks for the offer. I’m going to go now. If Q appears, tell him to charge his phone and that I need t talk to him” And she leaves, going for the portal that connects Brakebills and the Library. 

Kady goes back to the infirmary. Margo and Penny are sitting on a couch, in silence. They raise their heads when they see Kady, but not Alice. 

“Where’s Quinn?” Margo asks. “Has she done a fucking Houdini trick, like Coldwater?” 

Kady doesn’t like Margo’s tone. “No, she’s gone to the Library, to ask Zelda to remove the siphon”

“So, you managed to convince her, huh. What did you do? Threaten to punch her again? Offer to fuck her?” Margo says. 

“No, I just talked to her. Not everything is solved by fucking, or punching. Though I won’t deny they’re excellent convincing tools. Any word on Quentin?” She asks. 

“Great minds think alike. No, the nerd is missing. I’ve left him a couple of messages and I have asked him to be here, for when Eliot and Julia wake up” Margo says angrily. Where the fuck is Quentin? Now that they’ve saved the world, he’s just going to fuck off? 

“He’ll appear. Maybe he is at the Physical Kid’s Cottage. Have you checked there?” Kady suggests. 

“I’m waiting for my best friend to wake up from an ax to the gut injury and you want me to go looking for Quentin?” Margo says. 

“Penny?” Kady asks Penny. 

“I haven’t heard a thing from him since we came back from the Seam. Either he’s learned to ward himself up or he’s not withing my hearing range” Penny explains. 

“Whatever, I’m not going to spend all my time worrying about Quentin. He’ll come when he wants. I have enough with Eliot and Fillory” Margo says. 

“I thought you had been deposed as High King” says Penny. 

“Oh, 23 that’s just temporary. Right now, my team Fillory is looking for a way to get me reinstated. As soon as Eliot is ok, I’m taking him back” Margo tells New Penny. 

Kady sighs. “I’m going to the Cottage, see if Quentin is there”

She leaves the infirmary and goes to the Cottage. There are almost no students, the house is pretty empty. She doesn’t find Quentin there. She looks for his things. They are not there either. She must tell the others. She’s going back to the infirmary when she sees Fogg. He’s going to the infirmary too. He sees her and greets her. 

“Hello, Kady. I suppose you’re going to the infirmary, to visit your friends. Good, I must tell you something and I need all of you there” He tells her. 

“Oh, ok. Have you seen Quentin? We’ve been looking for him, but we can’t find him anywhere” She asks Fogg. 

“I might shed some light into that” Fogg says. Kady doesn’t understand very well. 

Suddenly, there is like a warm breeze that passes through them. Kady feels it. It’s the ambien magic, stronger than it has ever been. Zelda must have removed the siphon then. Good for Alice. 

“Seems like the flow of magic is no longer being controlled. Good. Eleanor will be able to better treat your friends, with the increased ambien magic” Fogg comments. 

“Eleanor?” Kady asks, confused. 

“Professor Lipson. That’s her name” They arrive at the infirmary. Alice is there too; she must have just arrived from the Library. 

Fogg goes to Eliot’s and Julia’s ward. Margo and New Penny are there. 

“Now that you’re all here, I’ve come to tell you a few things. Now that neither the Library nor the Order run Brakebills, you’ve been reinstated as students. If you wish to continue with your training, you can join the classes when you want. Julia has been enrolled too” Fogg says this, looking at Kady. 

“Next, since you’ve proven yourselves, time and again and you’ve shown some very impressive magic feats, I’m offering you a special course, so you’ll become master magicians without having to complete the full program.” Fogg continues. The others are silent. Kady is surprised. Fogg is offering all of them a clean slate and special classes? 

“What’s the catch?” Margo says. “Are you going to involve us in some sort of crusade, to save another world or unicorns?” 

“No, Margo. I don’t have a hidden agenda. I know I’ve given you no reason to trust me. But I had to safeguard Brakebills and I tried to protect you, as best as I could” Fogg tries to justify his involvement with the Library and the glamour spell. “Now, if you’ll allow me to finish, I have one last thing to tell you. It concerns one of you. Quentin has left. He came to see me, the day you came from the seam. He said he needed to leave. I have three letters that he has written for three of you” Fogg tells them. 

“What are you waiting for? Give us the letters” Margo demands. 

“Why would Q leave, without telling any of us?” Alice asks Fogg. 

“I guess the answers are in the letters he wrote. There is one for you, one for Eliot and one for Julia” Fogg explains. 

“Well, don’t leave the girl hanging” Margo demands again. 

Alice looks hopefully at Fogg. “Sorry Alice, I must follow his instructions. I’m to give you the letters when Julia and Eliot wake up” Fogg says. “Now that the ambien magic has risen and that Eleanor will be able to use magic to treat them, they’ll wake up sooner than you think” Fogg says. He leaves the infirmary. The gang remains, Alice staring at Fogg’s retreating back and the others staring at each other.   
Alice then turns to look at the rest. She’s tearing up. “Why would he have left, without saying anything? At least to me?” They’d gotten back together. Didn’t that mean anything?

“Who the fuck knows what’s going on in that nerd brain of his” Margo says. “Well, are we going to stay here or are we going to look for him?” She’s a little hurt that Quentin hasn’t considered her as one of the people to leave a letter to. Then again, it’s not like she’s been that close to him, apart from that first year. She likes the guy and all, but her priorities have changed. However, she knows that El and Q have a deeper connection, so for Eliot’s sake, she will find the little nerd and bring him back, even if she has to drag him by the balls. 

Alice suggests “We could do a tracking spell. We have most of the ingredients here. The only thing we need is something that belongs to the person we want to track” 

Margo says “Me and Kady can go to the Cottage, see if there’s something in his room. Why don’t you and 23, go back to the apartment, to his room. Most of his stuff will be there, probably”

Alice and Penny travel to the apartment. They go to what has been Q’s room, for most of the year. They find he’s taken most of his things, except for one, left on the bed. Alice takes it. It’s the copy of “The Secret Sea” that Plover signed for Quentin. Alice thinks maybe Q forgot about the book. She takes it and goes to the kitchen, where Penny is waiting for her. He hasn’t found anything that belongs to Q. Maybe Margo and Kady have had better luck. 

Alice and Penny travel back to Brakebills and go to the infirmary. Margo and Kady are already there. 

“Did you find anything?” Kady asks. “We didn’t find anything in his room at the Cottage, nor the storage area of the school. They do have a bunch of our stuff there, we can go after we do the spell” 

Alice takes out the book, from her bag. Margo and Kady nod. “Ok, lets get over with this. The sooner we find Q, the sooner we can go back to not worrying about him” Margo says. “Fogg has lent us a classroom we can use”

Alice doesn’t like how Margo talks about Q missing so lightly. They’re supposed to be good friends! But she follows Kady and Margo to the classroom, Penny after her. Margo and Kady have already set up everything. They only must put the book, at the center of the sigil and cast the spell, while thinking about the person they want to find. 

They burn the ingredients and throw the ashes over the book. They start casting. They have laid up several maps, of New York and the surrounding states, of the USA, of North America and of the world. 

The ashes on the book react to the spell and start swirling around and shining, looking for a location. The ashes fly for a few minutes, but they end up falling on the floor and their shine dim. 

“What the hell happened?” Margo shouts. “We have put all the ingredients, in the correct order, we have an object of the person we’re trying to locate. Ok, which of you, dickwads messed up?” She asks, staring mostly at Penny. 

Penny raises his hands “It wasn’t me. I may not like Coldwater very much, but I know how important he is for Julia and I want to find him, at least for her”

Margo looks at Kady and Alice. “Then you, Orloff. You’re not as close to Q as Alice is”

Kady looks angrily at Margo “I could say the same about you, Hanson. You weren’t here for most of the year, so maybe it’s you who’s not that close. I doubt it’s Alice’s fault”

Alice smiles at Kady, while Margo glares. “Look, the spell would work better with people who’re really close to the person we want to find” Alice starts explaining. “But maybe it didn’t work because of other things”

“Oh yeah? Like what, Einstein?” Margo asks. 

“Well, maybe it’s the object we used. Think about it. It’s the book that Plover signed for him after Kady and Zelda brought him out of the Poison Room” Alice points at the book.

“You mean the book was signed by the creepy pedophile?” Margo asks again. 

“Yes, it happened when we were trying to look for the reservoir in Fillory, the one underneath Whitespire Castle” Alice tells Margo. 

“The place where Josh got turned into a fish?” Margo asks again. 

“Yes, the same” Alice clarifies. “It could also be that Q doesn’t have the same connection he used to have with Fillory. When we were at the secret garden, trying to get the plant that would heal Josh bloom, he had to say what he loved about Fillory. He sounded pretty bitter” Alice remembers. It had been kind of heartbreaking to see Q talk about Fillory in such a way, considering what the books had meant to him, for such a long time. 

“Well, it’s pretty screwed up, but Q has always loved it, even when it screws you, thousands of times over” Margo adds. 

“I don’t know, Margo. Q has changed. Something happened, that made him change his mind about Fillory” Alice says, absentmindedly. 

Kady claps her hands and starts picking up the things they’ve used for the spell. “We can try again when Julia or Eliot wake up. They have a strong connection to Quentin, maybe the spell will work better”

“I agree with Kady. The problem is that we need to find another thing that belongs to Coldwater. We can’t use the book again. And we might have another problem” Penny says. The three women turn to stare at him.

“Explain” Margo says. 

“I was thinking about wards. Coldwater’s wards have always been shitty, and I doubt he has learned to create good ones in such a short time, not when his mind was a mess” Penny clarifies. 

“If you could read his mind, why the fuck didn’t you incept him? Before he left?” Margo asks.

“Well the guy was leaking so much, and it was so depressing that I had to close up my mind, so I wouldn’t read him. When we noticed he was missing, I opened my wards again, see if I could find him. So, he has learned to create wards, strong enough to block me, or he’s so far, I can’t read him, or he’s in a place that has natural wards against psychics” Penny explains. 

Alice gets angry as to how casually Penny speaks of Q’s depression. She knows that something was wrong with Q, those last days, but she doesn’t know if it was related to his depression or not. She grits her teeth and narrows her eyes in anger. “We won’t be able to do much until Julia or Eliot wake up and Fogg gives us Q’s letters. We can try to look for some of his things. Maybe he forgot something at the apartment, or we find something here”

The others nod in agreement. Alice decides to spend the night in the infirmary, just in case Eliot or Julia wake up. Kady and Margo go back to the apartment. Penny goes to the Cottage. 

In the apartment, Kady and Margo share drinks, both thinking about how to tell Julia and Eliot that Quentin is missing. Margo says she can’t believe Q has left like that, without telling anyone. Kady asks her if she would have done anything to try and stop him. Margo remains silent for a few seconds, but it’s enough for her to realize that she hasn’t paid that much attention to Q, the past months. Kady agrees. Well, she has never been that close to Quentin, except for these past months, and then, not even that much, since she got pushed into becoming the hedges advocate. 

Margo shakes her head. No matter how much she might miss Q and worries about him, her priorities are Eliot and Fillory. Call her selfish, but she doesn’t have time to worry about his neuroses and to baby him. She’d told him, to grow a pair of tits. As soon as Eliot is ok to travel and they learn that Q is ok, she’s taking El to Fillory. 

Kady stares at her empty glass. She may not be as close to Q as Julia, or Alice, but she has come to appreciate the guy. Granted, he’s nerdy, nervous as fuck and rambles on when he gets excited about something, but he’s always been there. He saved her from the hospital, he got the clue for the unity key, he’s been dealing with the fucking monster for months, for fuck's sake! Then Margo sighs. 

“I hope Eliot wakes up soon, now that the ambien magic has risen” She says.

“What, you miss Hoberman so much?” Kady teases. 

Margo looks outraged “Shut up! Hoberman is a friend whom I fuck with. We have fun, that’s all”

“It doesn’t look like you’re having just fun, when you had to leave your fairy eye next to him, so you could stare at him, to keep him alive” Kady continues teasing Margo. 

“Orlof, if you don’t want to know the power of my fists, I suggest you stop now” Margo threatens. 

“Battlemage, remember?” Kady says, smugly. 

Margo sighs again. “You know what, when I had to leave the eye with Josh, so he wouldn’t die, I realized I’m not in love with him, not as he’s with me. I like him, we have fun. He’s a great chef and a surprisingly good lover, but he’s way too nice. I need someone with a bigger dick energy, someone who challenges me. And I don’t think Josh is that person. Even if he goes furry once a month and must fuck like rabbits, so he doesn’t go crazy” 

“And Fen? She looks nice enough, a little bit crazy, though” Kady wonders. 

“Nah. I love Fen, she’s like the little sister I never had or wanted. She’s tough, I’ll give you that, she must be, to live in Fillory. But other than being a knife loving nut, she’s too much of a Disney princess, you’d expect woodland creatures to come out to talk to her, in a country where the animals are the majority census” Margo chuckles. She loves Fen, she really does, but Fen is way too nice for her. Margo stares at Kady again. She gives her the once-over, smiling appreciatively. 

“What about you? You were hung up on Original Penny, but you and Wicker had some crazy chemistry. Not to mention you and Quinn” 

Kady blushes, which is unusual “Julia and I had a thing, but it lasted like 5 minutes, then Reynard happened. We’re good friends still” Kady says. She can’t believe she’s speaking about this, with Margo, of all people. “And Alice, I won’t deny she has that sexy librarian look, but she comes with so many issues I don’t think she’d realize I’m flirting with her. And I want to fight the urge to punch her, sometimes, for what she did, though less now. How the fuck did she and Quentin get together in the first place?” That’s one thing she’s always wondered. 

“Beats me” Margi shrugs her shoulders. “They’re both nerdy and needy and high-strung. Plus, didn’t they need to be transformed into foxes by Mayakovsky, to actually do something?”

“Now that you mention it, I think they did. It was before I left, so I remember” Kady chuckles, then yawns. “I think I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow” And she leaves for her room. 

Margo finishes her drink and goes to bed too. 

A couple of days later, Julia finally wakes up. Alice is there in the room with her. Julia gasps and sits on the bed, panting. Her throat is dry, after so many days. The pain in her back is gone though. She opens her eyes and sees Alice, who offers her a glass of water. She drinks, slowly and clears her throat. “Hey Alice. Where’s everyone? Where’s Q?” Julia asks. 

Alice averts her eyes for a few seconds. When she looks back at Julia, she’s crying softly. Julia starts to get worried. “Alice, you’re scaring me. Where’s everyone? And Q?” She asks again. 

Alice clears her throat too. “The others are fine, I’m going to tell Penny and he’ll go to the apartment, to bring Kady and Margo back” 

Julia nods, but notices that Alice hasn’t answered her question about Q. “Alice, what happened? Where is Q?” Julia is starting to imagine the worst and considering how Q had been the past few months, she fears Alice will tell her what she has been dreading for a while. 

“Q is fine” Alice says. But Julia notices she’s not telling her the whole truth. 

“Ok, is he coming with Penny?” She asks. 

“Julia … Q has left. No one has seen him since we came back from the Seam. The other day Fogg told us that Q had gone to see him and told him he was leaving. He didn’t say where. Apparently, Q has written some letters, for Eliot, you and I. But Fogg will only give them to us when Eliot wakes up too” Alice explains. 

Julia falls back on the bed. Q left? Why? Why didn’t he say anything? At least he’s alive, but that doesn’t stop her from worrying. She hasn’t been blind, she has seen the toll of babysitting the monster has taken on Q and how desperate and depressed he was getting, the longer it took to save Eliot. Before she got possessed, she feared Q might do something rash and she wouldn’t have been there to prevent it. 

“Have you tried doing a tracking spell on him?” She asks Alice. 

“We did. But it didn’t work. And Penny said he might be somewhere that blocks those types of spells, or that he’s got an anti-tracking spell on him” Alice tells her. 

Julia thinks for a few seconds. If Q has an anti-tracking spell, it’s because something bad has happened. He wouldn’t do that to them, at least not to her, or Alice. And Alice has told her Q left after coming back from the Seam. 

“Alice, what happened at the Seam?” Julia asks. Whatever happened must be connected to what Q went through. Alice sighs, tearing up again. 

“Penny, Q and I got there. We threw the bottle with the sister and we were about to throw the bottle with the Monster, when Everett, you know, the Head Librarian appeared. Q had the bottle and we had to act fast, because the bond holding it, was starting to break. Everett broke the mirror of the Seam. He asked Q to give him the bottle, in exchange for our safety. Everett said something about the good of the world, I don’t really remember. It happened so fast, Julia. They were both quite close to the Mirror. Q looked like he was going to give Everett the bottle when he used his minor mending to repair the Mirror” Alice stopped. Julia gasped! You can’t do magic in the Mirror World, what was Q thinking about! 

Alice continued “As soon as the Seam was repaired, Q threw the bottle in, but the magic had already started leaking out. It got Everett and vaporized him. Penny grabbed me and pulled me out before it caught us. Before we went out, I screamed at Q to run. He stood there, staring at me. Julia, for a few seconds, I thought he was going to stay there and not come with us. Then he started running and Penny got us out and brought us here” Alice is crying, and Julia has tears in her eyes. Julia grabs Alice’s hand. 

“Shit, I knew he wasn’t all right, I knew he was spiraling down, but I didn’t realize it’d gotten so bad. If I had known, I would have, I don’t know, tried to talk to him, or not allow him to go into the Seam, or cared more about him. Fuck, I was dealing with my own issues and I thought we’d have time, once it was all over” Julia tells Alice. “At least he had you. You guys went back together, right?”

Alice shakes her head. “We did, but I don’t know if it was the right choice and I don’t think he believed that it was either. I think we were both desperate and hung on to each other. We got together after Q came back from the time-share spell, I think it affected us more than we thought” She explains. 

Julia looks puzzled. “The spell allowed Q to share the conscience of him three years ago, when we were at Brakebills South, so Mayakovsky would give us the spell to bind the bottles. While Q was there, the Q of three years ago was here and it was right after we hooked up for the first time” Alice explains. 

Julia nods. She looks pensive for a moment and gets a determined look and rubs her hands. “Alice, we need to find him. I don’t care how, or how much time it takes. We need to find him, apologize, tell him we love him, that we need him, not just for what he can do for us. He’s always been there for me, even when we’ve had our issues, like when he started at Brakebills. I can’t leave him out there, thinking that we don’t love him or that we don’t want him” She squeezes Alice’s hand. 

Alice nods and squeezes Julia’s hand back. She agrees with Julia. No matter what problems she’s had with Q, he’s been there for her. He brought her back to life, for Christ's sake! Even after she had been living in his tattoo, as a niffin, and taunting him all the time. 

“You said the tracking spell didn’t work. What personal belonging did you use, as an anchor for the spell?” Julia asks Alice. 

“We used one of his Fillory books” Alice replies. 

Julia thinks for a few seconds. “I wonder why it didn’t work. Those books are some of his most precious possessions”

“Well, it was the book Plover signed after Kady and Zelda got him out of the Poison room. Maybe it didn’t work as well, because Q was outraged to learn that one of his heroes had been a pedophile and the reason why Martin Chatwin became the Beast” Alice sighs. 

“Maybe the Binder can tell us about other tracking spells, or how to amplify this one” Julia tries reaching for her magic. But she doesn’t feel as connected to it, as she had when she was a goddess. She tries summoning the Binder, but nothing happens. She starts getting worried. 

“Alice, I think there’s something wrong with my magic!” She says, a bit scared. “Can you pass me the Binder? I need to ask him a couple of questions”

Alice lets go of Julia’s hand and gets up to take the Binder, which is on a small table. She brings it to Julia, who opens it, and the Binder’s avatar appears in the room. 

“The Binder wonders why Julia needs to call him, now that she has made her choice. The Binder also notes that Julia has not burned him, as the Binder requested. The Binder also recognizes the girl who took him out of the Mirror world” says the avatar. 

Julia narrows her eyes. She’s never liked the avatar of the Binder, but he may have the answers they need. And what does he mean about her having made her choice? Is it about her having to decide whether to stay human or become a goddess again? Because she doesn’t remember making that decision. 

“Look, I just need you to ask you a couple of questions, and then I’ll burn the book, just as you asked” she says, clenching her fists. “First, one of my friends has left and we can’t find him. We’ve tried using a tracking spell, but it hasn’t worked. Are there other tracking spells or maybe other spells to find people?” 

“The Binder tells Julia and her friend, that there is a spell to find missing people, but that the spell must be cast by those with a strong connection to the person. The Binder also tells Julia and her friend that just like with the tracking spell they also need something that belongs to the missing person. The Binder gives Julia and her friend, a copy of the spell” A piece of paper appears on the table. “The Binder waits for Julia to ask her second question”

Julia, who has been distracted by the appearance of the spell, clears her throat “Yes. You said that I had to choose, human or goddess. But you just said that I’ve made my choice. I don’t remember making it and what am I now?” She asks. 

“The Binder did tell Julia that she had to choose. The Binder tells Julia that the choice was made for her. The Binder says that the man who’s in love with Julia made the choice when she was suffering from the axes wound. The Binder told the man that for Julia to heal, she had to choose. The man told the Binder that Julia was not conscious. The Binder urged the man, Julia had to make her choice. The man chose for her. Julia Wicker is now a human magician” The Binder explains. 

Julia gets angry, with the Binder, but mostly with Penny. How could he do that to her? Without asking her? And how did the Binder allow it? Wasn’t it her choice? She asks the Binder “Wasn’t that my choice? Since Penny made that decision for me, shouldn’t that invalidate his choice? I didn’t decide, he did.”

“The Binder understands Julia’s reasoning. But the man acted as her proxy and as such, his decision is definitive. The choice has been made and it cannot be unchanged. The Binder believes he has answered Julia’s questions and now asks her that she upholds the promise of burning the Binder, just as the Binder asked” The Binder disappears, leaving Julia and Alice in the room. 

“Shit, Julia, I didn’t know Penny did that. It was before we went to the Seam” Alice grabs Julia’s hand again. Julia squeezes Alice’s hand, in gratitude. She starts saying something, but she’s interrupted by Lipson, who comes into the room. 

“Oh, hello! Good, you’re awake Julia! Let me check your wound and do a magical checkup, to see that there are no side effects from your possession or the axes” 

Julia nods. Lipson does a full checkup. With the normal ambien magic, she has been able to treat Julia and Eliot better.

“Good, good” Lipson says after she finishes up. “You’ll need some physical therapy for your shoulder, but you won’t need too many sessions. Just to check that everything is moving correctly. There are no side effects from the possession, though you might experience some closeness to Eliot. But since you were not possessed as long as he was, it will pass quickly. I want to keep you in observation, for a few more days. At least until Eliot wakes up. But you have a clean bill of health and you’ll be able to move around campus” Lipson says. 

Alice smiles at Julia. It’s good to know she’s going to be ok. Now they just must wait for Eliot to wake up. Lipson leaves and Penny, Margo, and Kady enter the room.


	4. chap 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot wakes up, he finds about Q and he and Margo have a falling out. Q's secret is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All!  
> I hope you're staying safe! Stay strong and let's hope the confinement will be over soon, so we can resume our normal lives!  
> About this chapter, the warnings first: there are mentions of mental illness and suicide, Q's depression and his state of mind at the end of s4. Also, if Margo in this fic seems OCC, that's because she's a bit of an antagonist. Since the story doesn't have a big bad, like a dark king, I needed someone to be that antagonist. Penny 23 was a given, but I didn't want the other person to be Kady, as she would have been the obvious choice. So, Margo is. but she'll be redeemed and she starts changing in this chapter too.   
> Another thing. Since I turned this fic into a series, I plan on starting to write fluffy snippets of Q and Eliot's lives with the babies. Stories like the babies first word, doing magic for the first time, Q and El's wedding, the gang babysitting ... Prompts are welcome and I'll include them as stories.   
> And as always, thanks for all your love and support! Thanks for the comments and kudos! Enjoy!  
> FYI: do the cobra (Hacer la cobra) is an expression that became popular in Spanish. It's when you pull away from a kiss, like a cobra 😅

Penny smiles when he sees Julia has woken up. He greets her, as he moves closer to her bed. Alice is sitting on the bed too, still holding Julia’s hand. “Hello, Alice. Hey Julia, it’s good to see you awake, finally” Penny says, as he moves to kiss Julia. Before he can do that, Julia pulls away, and Penny ends up kissing the air. He stands beside Julia’s bed, looking puzzled. He looks at her and sees that she doesn’t look happy. In fact, she looks angry. 

“Oh boy! You’re in deep shit, if she’s doing the cobra!” Margo laughs. 

Both Alice and Julia frown at Margo’s comment.   
Kady gets near Julia’s bed and hugs her. “You scared me for a second, bitch!”

Julia hugs her back. Kady sits on one of the chairs in the room. “Alice told you about Quentin?”

“Yes, she told me about the tracking spell and that it didn’t work. I asked the Binder and he’s given me another spell, but we can’t cast it until Eliot wakes up. We also need something that belongs to him. Alice and I were talking about where we can find something that belongs to Q” Julia says. 

“Did Alice tell you about the letters? Fuck that Fogg for keeping them. The one time we need him to break his promise and he keeps it for a fuckup that wasn’t even a student for a year” Margo comments, earning angry looks from both Alice and Julia. 

“Yeah, and why do you want to find Coldwater so badly? I mean, he’s not a fuck-up, as he was in my timeline, but the guy was a ticking time-bomb, ready to explode. It was a matter of time before he pulled some shit like that. At least he hasn’t become evil, and we don’t have to kill him” Penny says. 

Alice gets up from the bed, clenching her fists. She moves towards Penny, with every intention of punching him when a slap resonates in the room. Julia reached Penny faster than her and has slapped him, hard. Penny takes his hand to his cheek. Fuck! What has he done? He thinks he and Julia were starting to have something good before she got possessed. 

Julia, who’s standing next to the bed, is panting slightly. She’s so angry with Penny, for so many reasons. She breathes deeply, trying to calm herself. She closes her eyes, counts until 10 and opens them again. She says, as calmly as she can. “Do you mind leaving for a moment? Penny and I need to talk”

Alice and Kady nod. Margo pats Penny’s shoulder and whispers in his ear “You’re in trouble”. She laughs and leaves the room with Kady and Alice. 

Julia gets back in her bed. Penny, still in shock after the slap, is still at the foot of the bed. He shakes his head and looks at Julia, who’s still looking very angry. 

“Julia, what the …” Penny starts saying. Before he can even finish, Julia holds up a hand and says “Shut up. I had a very interesting conversation with the Binder. The last time I spoke to him, he told me I had to choose, between remaining a human, with magic, or becoming a goddess. Since neither option really appealed to me, I looked for a way to circumvent that choice. I found the perfect solution. I was going to tell the Binder when I got possessed. Imagine my surprise, when I call him again, to tell him about my decision when he tells me that it’s been already made. By you, nonetheless” Julia says, sarcastically. 

“Julia, look. You were in pain and the ax wound was not healing properly. I asked the Binder and he told me that I had to choose, or you would die. There was no time” Penny tries justifying his choice. 

“No, maybe there wasn’t. But you’re a psychic, aren’t you? You could have projected into my mind and asked me. What would it have taken you, 5 minutes, even less?” Julia continues. 

“Look, we were on a time-crunch. We still had to deal with the Monster and Alice Quentin, and I had to go to the mirror realm. I picked the choice I thought you would have taken” Penny explains.   
Julia narrows her eyes and clenches her fists. “What makes you think I would have chosen to become human again?”

“I remember you were not happy when you became a goddess” Penny answers back. 

“I was not happy about having to leave my friends and about to whom had belonged the spark that made me a goddess. But we’ll never know because I gave up my magic when Alice destroyed the keys”   
Julia shakes her head. She’s getting off track. “But that’s not the point. The point is that even if you had the possibility of asking me, you didn’t. Was it your last-ditch effort to try and make me like Julia 23 had been? If I had chosen to become a goddess, you knew I would have left at some point. Was it a ploy to make me stay?” Julia asks. 

Penny looks outraged “What? Julia! No! We talked about this. I know you’re not my Julia, the Julia from my timeline, the Julia I was in love with. But I thought we were starting to move past that and have our own relationship. I thought you’d chose to be human again because after the experiences we’ve had with gods, I didn’t think you’d want to be one” Penny tries to explain.

Julia closes her eyes and sighs. “While I may understand that, has it occurred to you that maybe I wanted to become a goddess again and be a better goddess? One that doesn’t only worry about creating worlds, but one who protects those closest to her? Maybe to show that good gods can exist?” 

Penny rubs his face. “Look, Julia, I know it was shitty of me but …” he starts saying when Julia interrupts again. 

“Penny, I’m not that angry about the choice. That’s not the problem. The problem is that you made the choice, for me, when you could have asked me. I don’t care if you were on a time-crunch or any of that shit. The problem is you took that choice away from me and I’m fed up of people making choices for me. Jane Chatwing and Fogg decided not to let me become a student here. Pete erased the memories of my boyfriend before I could break up with him. Reynard raped me, wearing the face of a man I trusted. I became a goddess without asking for it. I got possessed because my body could stand the possession. And now you. And you, I trusted. I thought you knew me well enough to realize that I wouldn’t like it one bit if you made that choice for me” 

Penny lowers his head. She’s right. He could have gone into her mind and ask her. But he had been selfish, wanting to keep her at his side. “Julia, I’m sorry. I was thinking that I didn’t want to lose you and I made the choice that I thought it would be the best, for both of us” Penny apologizes. 

Julia smiles and Penny gets hopeful. Maybe they can start again, turn a new page. But her smile becomes cruel. He gets apprehensive. An angry Julia, no matter the timeline he’s in, is always something to run away from. When he looks at her, she looks really angry again. 

“Now, I might forgive you, eventually, for making the choice for me. I must live with that, and we can’t change it. At least I still have magic.” Penny breathes a sigh of relief. Then she continues speaking “But I didn’t like one bit what you said about Q” Penny opens his mouth to protest again but Julia silences him. “Q is my best friend. Just like you can’t keep comparing me to the Julia of your timeline, you can’t compare Q to the Quentin of your timeline. And even if he had become the Beast in your timeline, he did it after most of his friends died. He died too, for fucks sake!” Julia stops. She remembers the moment she confronted Q from the 23rd timeline, that he’d become the Beats because he’d seen something even worse than it. She remembers the moment she pushed her shade into him, how he’d become the Q he’s always been: the gentle loving Q, who just wants to save everyone. She gets up from the bed and starts walking towards Penny, as she speaks. She wobbles a bit at first, her legs don’t feel very steady. 

“You’ve never warmed up to him. But that doesn’t give you the right to talk about him like that, not when he’s not here, not ever. And he’s not a mess, he never has been. You ‘ve always complained about how Q doesn’t have strong mental wards and that he’s always leaking. But you forget he’s got depression and you don’t know what it does to him. I have. I have seen him go to many therapists, try different meds and none of them working properly. I’ve visited him at the hospital after he’s tried killing himself, many times. I’ve always feared that one day I’ll get a call from a hospital, or the police, telling him that he has finally managed to do, what he hasn’t done before.” With each thing she says, she gets closer to Penny, until she’s right in front of him and starts poking him. 

“And no matter how shitty he must have been feeling, he’s always gone out of his way, to try and help those he cares about. That’s Q for you, and one of the many, many reasons I love him so much. And I’ve forgotten to tell him that I love him and that he’s wanted. I don’t want him to be out there, thinking that we don’t love him or need him. We have forgotten to do that. At least I have. I saw it. I saw he was getting worse, that he was on a spiral. I should have taken time to talk to him, to be there for him. However, I got too wrapped up in my own shit. I thought we’d have time after we rescued Eliot. You know, when Alice came this morning and I asked her about Q, I feared the worst. I thought I’d lost my chance of helping Q. Now I’m relieved to know that he’s alive, but I need, I want to find him” At this point, Julia has stopped pocking Penny and has started punching him on the chest. Penny grabs her hands, to stop her. Julia shakes her arms and frees herself. 

“I’m not going to ask you to help if you don’t want to. But I don’t want you to interfere. You’ve lost any right to tell me I should or shouldn’t do something. I’m going to find my best friend. I’m going to bring him back here, where he belongs, with us. You know, if it wasn’t for him, none of us would have known each other. Or maybe we would have, but we wouldn’t have become as close as we are now. He may not be the most powerful magician of our group. But he’s always managed to bring us together. He’s the heart of our group, what holds us together. And you’re crazy if you think that I wouldn’t try to bring him back from the dead if he’d died” Julia has started crying, while she’s been speaking. She wipes her eyes and stares back at Penny, with a determined look. 

“I don’t care what you do. You can stay or leave, whatever you want. I’m going to look for Q” She gets in bed again and turns her head away, not looking at Penny. 

“That’s it? I say a few nasty things about your best friend and we’re over?” Penny can’t help but be mad, that she’s breaking up with him, because of Quentin. 

Julia turns to stare at Penny again. “It’s not just Q. You made a choice on my behalf. You didn’t ask me. You did it for your selfish reasons and you still treat my best friend like shit, even when he’s proved time and again, that he’s nothing like the Q from your timeline. Maybe with time, I’ll be able to forgive you, for both things. But we’ll never be more than friends” Julia says. “You can tell Alice, Kady, and Margo they can come back inside” And she turns her head again, finishing the conversation. 

Penny leaves the room and goes looking for Alice, Margo and Kady. Margo is in Eliot’s room and Kady and Alice are in the cafeteria. He returns to Julia’s bedroom, with the girls in tow. 

“Has Alice told you about the spell the Binder has given me?” Julia asks. 

Kady nods “Yes, but we need something that belongs to Quentin and apart from the book, we haven’t found anything”

Margo asks “What spell? I was in Eliot’s room” 

Alice explains “It’s a spell to find missing people. But just like with the tracking spell, we need something that belongs to the person we want to find, and it must be cast by those with a stronger connection to the person”

“We can’t use the book?” Margo asks. 

“No. We’ve already used it and since it’s the book Plover signed, whatever connection Q had with it, it’s not strong enough. We need to find something else” Julia says. 

“And how many people have to cast the spell? Because between you and Quinn, I think you have more than enough people” Margo says. She doesn’t want to be involved, when she has other priorities: Eliot and Fillory. 

“At least three people, who must have a strong connection to the person we’re trying to find. We need Eliot, Margo” Julia says, not liking Margo’s tone. 

“Well, you’ll have to find someone else. As soon as he wakes up and Fogg gives him Quentin’s letter, we’re out” Margo says. 

Julia and Alice get angry with her. Isn’t Margo supposed to be Q’s friend? And now she just wants to cast out Q, like it means nothing to her? Even Kady is more inclined to help, and she’s never been that close to Q!

“Margo, why don’t you let Eliot decide what he wants to do?” Julia asks, in a sickeningly sweet tone. 

“I’m sure Eliot will agree with me” When Julia, Alice and Kady throw her disapproving looks, she huffs and concedes “Fine! I’ll help you find something that belongs to Quentin. And we’ll wait until Eliot wakes up. But then we’re leaving” And she leaves the room, clicking her heels. 

Alice and Julia smile at each other, while Penny frowns at being left out. 

A few days later, Eliot wakes up. Margo is in the room with him. He opens his eyes and sees a white ceiling, with bright lights. He blinks, several times. Has he died and this is Heaven? He closes his eyes again and opens them. He’s in a room, it looks like a hospital room. He hears some noise and turns his head towards the noise. 

“Hey El!” Margo greets him. “You scared me, you dickwad” and mock punches him in the arm. 

“Ow Bambi! I’m sorry I scared you. It was never my intention” His voice is scratchy, and his throat is parched. “Can I have some water?” 

Margo passes him a glass of water, with a straw. “Be careful with your stitches. Lipson cured you with regular medicine and then has used magic to continue healing you”

Eliot lifts his head, to better reach the glass. He feels a twinge of pain in his stomach. He touches his belly under the covers. There is a huge bandage covering his lower abdomen, where Margo had hit him with the ax. He finishes drinking. 

Margo puts the glass of water on the table and takes Eliot’s hand, squeezing it. Eliot squeezes it back. She’s so happy he’s awake. She knows she must tell Lipson that Eliot is awake, and the others too. But she wants a few more minutes with his best friend. 

Eliot stares at her and she realizes he’s been asking her something. “Can you repeat what you said?” She asks. 

“I just wanted to know what happened, after you axed me” Eliot says, with a chuckle. 

“Well, 23, Quinn and Quentin went with the bottles to the Mirror world and found the seam. They threw the bottle with the sister. Then Everett appeared. He broke the Seam and asked Quentin to give him the bottle. Quentin used magic to repair the Seam and threw the bottle with the monster in. Then the magic exploded. It caught Everett and vaporized him. 23, Alice and Quentin made it back ok” She finishes, but as she does, she averts her eyes. 

Eliot, sensing that something is wrong, asks “Bambi, what happened? Where are the others? Where is Q?” The last question comes out in a desperate tone. Margo still doesn’t answer. “Bambi, you said the three of them returned from the Seam. Please, tell me that Q is ok” he says desperately, while squeezing Margo’s hand. 

Margo closes her eyes. She knows as soon as she tells Eliot about Quentin, he’ll want to stay. Which puts a bumper in her plans of going back to Fillory. She sighs “Quentin is fine. He’s just disappeared” she says, like it doesn’t matter. 

“What do you mean he disappeared?” Eliot asks. How could have Q disappeared? 

“He came back from the Mirror world with 23 and Alice, but he left, and he didn’t tell any of us. Fogg came to tell us he’d left and that he has some letters from him. For Julia, Alice and you” Margo explains, sounding bitter. 

“Ok, can you tell Alice and Julia to come here? I want to talk to them” Eliot says. 

Margo agrees, reluctantly. Before she can leave, Lipson comes into the room “Oh, good! You’re awake Eliot!” She says cheerfully. “I’m going to check the wound and I’m going to do a magical checkup”   
Eliot nods. Lipson lifts the sheet and the bandage covering his wound. “Hum, the stitches are healing nicely. Now that the ambien magic levels are back to normal, I’ll be able to speed the healing process. You’ve been really lucky that Margo didn’t hit any major organs or ruptured any of your intestines. You’d be with a colostomy bag right now. We’ll be able to remove the catheter today” She comments, as she continues examining Eliot. 

Eliot thanks whoever is out there for that small mercy. The catheter is uncomfortable enough. He’ll be glad when they remove it. Lipson takes out her crystals and starts examining him. She hums, and ohs and clicks her tongue. She finally finishes and Margo decides to leave, looking for Alice and Julia. 

“So, Eliot. Apart from the wound, you have several problems. Your blood work shows a raise in your cholesterol and sugar levels. Since you’ve never had any problems before, you’ll be able to get to your normal levels soon, but that means no alcohol or other substances and you’ll have to follow a strict diet, with more fruit and vegetables than you ate before. The blood work also showed traces of alcohol and narcotics and your body is gone through withdrawal, but you still may feel the effects, you know them: nausea, shivering, mood swings … I’d recommend you joined an AA group. I can give you some pamphlets of those, for magicians.” Eliot nods. After being possessed by the monster for six months, he wants to turn a new leaf, not just with relationships. He’ll do what Lipson tells him to do. She’s not finished though. 

“Well, the monster really did a number on your body. Apart from the abuse of substances, there’s the poor nutrition, lack of proper rest and you have low levels of vitamins and minerals, which means you’ll have to take supplements. You’ll need some physical therapy too. Some of your joints have a mild case of arthrosis, but with therapy and magic, they will be cured soon. Luckily, there are no traces of your possession and your magic seems to be ok. When you’re a bit more awake, I’ll have you cast some simple spells, to check. In a week, maybe two, I’ll be able to give you a clean bill of health. You’ll have to stay here, though, so I can check up on you regularly, for the following couple of months” Lipson finishes her diagnosis and leaves. 

Eliot falls back on the bed, while he waits for Margo to come with Alice and Julia. What has happened while he was possessed? Why has Q left? Are the others doing anything to find him? Do they know if he’s ok? If he’s hurt? Eliot can’t help but worry. The last time he saw Q, was when he managed to break the Monsters possession. He didn’t have a lot of time and he mostly wanted to tell Q that he was alive, but he saw that Q was thinner than he had been, when they’d gone to Blackspire. He needs to know what happened and Julia or Alice will tell him, since Margo seems reluctant. 

Margo comes back, with Alice and Julia. Kady and Penny following them. Penny doesn’t look happy at all. Julia rushes to his bed and takes Eliot’s hand. Alice stands next to her, her hand on Julia’s shoulder. “How are you feeling Eliot? Has Margo told you about Q?” Julia asks. 

Eliot nods. “I’m ok, considering. Lipson has given me the rundown of my injuries and problems. She says that with magic, I’ll heal much quicker. Margo told me, but she didn’t say much. Only that he left and that there are some letters…” 

“Yes, Fogg came to see us, a few days after we came back from the Seam. He told us that Q had left and that he’d left letters, for you, Julia and I, that he’d only give them to us, when you and Julia woke up” Alice tells him. 

“Have you done anything to find him? Have you contacted his mom, maybe?” Eliot asks Julia.

“Well, Alice told me that they did a tracking spell, but it didn’t work. Either he’s covering himself or wherever he is, it’s protected against tracking spells. I still haven’t contacted his mom, I just woke up a few days ago. I’m going to, though. I don’t know if Q visited her before he left, they don’t have the best relationship in the world. The Binder has given me a spell we can use. As soon as you feel strong enough, we’ll try it” Julia says, grabbing Eliot’s hand. Alice smiles, encouragingly, while Margo mock gags. Eliot is surprised by her attitude. She likes Q, she always has. What has changed, that she doesn’t seem to care? He’s going to have words with her. 

“Ok. Eliot is awake and he’s going to be fine, he’ll be able to cast your stupid spell, goodie” Margo says, sarcastically. 

“Margo, what the fuck?” Eliot asks. 

“Oh, these two have been whining about finding Quentin, blah, blah, blah … When we have much bigger problems. I need to go to Fillory and unfuck whatever Fen and Josh have managed to fuck up while I’ve been here” Margo says. She wants to continue, but Fogg appears in Eliot’s room. 

“Hello everyone. Eliot, I’m glad to see you finally awake. Eleanor just came by my office, to tell me” Eliot mouths “Eleanor?” And Julia answers “Lipson”

“I guess that Julia and Alice have told you about Quentin. Now that you’re all here, I can give you the letters he wrote for you” Fogg takes out the three envelopes and hands them to Alice, Julia, and Eliot. 

They each take their letters. Fogg starts leaving the room. “I think we need to give them some privacy” He says, as he ushers the others out. 

Julia sits on the couch and Alice in one of the chairs. They read the letters. 

Julia finishes hers first. She’s crying, by the time she’s done. Was she really that blind, that she didn’t see how badly Q was spiraling? She’d seen it, she knew it was bad, but to have him confirm it … Shit! She was so wrapped up in her loss of magic, and this new thing she had started with Penny … She’d thought that after they’d save Eliot, she’d have time to take Q aside and talk to him, offer him the comfort she hadn’t given him before. Had she really pushed him so far, he hadn’t been able to even trust her? And Alice told her about how close Q had come to letting go. His letter confirms it. How lonely he must have felt, if he believed he couldn’t say anything to anyone, for fear of being dismissed. Now she’s more determined to find him and bring him back. And god help those who come in her way. 

Alice finishes hers almost at the same time Julia does. She’s a little angry with Q, for breaking up with her, via the letter. But she knows that she can’t be really angry with him, not when he sounds so sad and desperate. And he’s right. Getting back together was a mistake. She loves Q, there’s no doubt about it. But he’s right when he says they’d have ended up hurting each other. What he says about the timeshare spell is true, too. When the Q from 4 years ago had changed places with Q, she met the Q who was falling in love with her. And since after her betrayal, her place in the group was shaky, she’d held on to that chance Q was giving her. And he confirms what she suspected already that he’s in love with Eliot. She’s always known they have a connection that goes deeper than the one she has with Q. Something happened, between them, that made them even closer. That would explain Q’s obsession with saving Eliot, not just killing the Monster. But she wonders. If Q is so in love with Eliot, why aren’t they together? She vows that she’ll do anything to bring Q back home. And she’ll get he and Eliot to talk, even if she must lock them in a room, until they talk about their feelings. And when they find Q, she’s going to hug the hell out of him and tell him that she loves him, that he’s her best friend. She and Julia share a determined look. Operation find Q and bring him back has begun. 

Eliot finishes his letter last. Not because his is the longest or anything. It’s because he must stop, to wipe the tears of his eyes. He’s relieved to know Q is alive. He guesses that everyone has fought their asses off, to save him. Q tries to downplay his part, but Eliot believes Q has been a key person in saving him. And the way Q says so calmly he’s done his part in saving him, it’s as if he almost expected not to survive. To have that kind of inkling, makes him wonder. What has happened during the time he was possessed?  
Even if Q says that it’s not his fault that he decided to leave, he can’t help but think that if he hadn’t rejected Q that day, in the throne room, if he hadn’t pushed Q away, because he was afraid, maybe Q wouldn’t have decided to become the guardian of the monster. And what are those other reasons Q mentions?   
However, what really makes him feel the worst person in the world, is Q’s confession. He’s always tried to justify his rejection, by making it about Q. That the mosaic was a one-time thing, mostly out of necessity, that Q’s not really into men, as much as he has proven otherwise, that if Q could choose, he would not choose Eliot. He remembers “That’s not me and definitively not you, not when we have a choice”. Eliot can’t count the times he’s cursed the moment he said that to Q. However, in all that guilt he feels about pushing Q away, there’s a small sliver of hope. Q is alive. Q would choose him. Q loves him. It’s time to honor the promise he made to the Q inside his mind and be brave. 

He sets the letter aside and looks around. Alice and Julia are sitting together, on the sofa. They’re whispering. He clears his throat, to get their attention. They both come closer to the bed. 

Julia grabs his hand again. He stares at both. “We need to bring Q back” He tells them. 

Julia squeezes his hand. “You’re damn sure we do” She looks determined. 

“We’re team Q now” Alice says, remembering what Q told her, about being team Eliot. 

Eliot yawns. He’s tired and he’s had to deal with many emotions, just after waking up. Julia and Alice notice it. Julia kisses him on the cheek. “We’ll let you rest. We’ll come back tomorrow”. Before they leave the room, Eliot asks them “Can you tell Margo, I’d like to see her tomorrow? But I’d like to talk to you first. There are a few things I need to ask about Q, and I don’t know if she’ll answer truthfully”  
Julia and Alice nod, leaving Eliot alone. He takes the letter and reads it again. He rereads that last paragraph, which he hangs onto. He hopes that no matter how much it takes them to find Q, he’ll still feel the same. And Eliot’s going to do anything he can, to prove himself worthy of that love. He falls asleep with Q’s letter under his pillow. 

The following morning, Lipson comes and does a magical healing session, to speed up his healing process. Then Julia and Alice come. They sit next to the bed. He asks them to tell him what happened, after Fogg appeared with the personality altering potions. He guesses he got possessed then. 

Julia tells him about becoming Kim, going to Brakebills, finding out about the spell, finding the battery, breaking the spell and realizing that Q and Eliot were missing. Then Q appearing with the Monster, all bloodied up. She tells him about having to hide from the Library, the Dewey’s, The Monster wanting to kill the Gods, the stones, trying to find the Monster. a body … She tells him about him managing to break out, to tell Q he’s alive, finding about the Sister, her possession, which Eliot apologizes for, Margo’s axes. 

Alice tells him about being a prisoner in the Library, meeting Santa, which earns her raised eyebrows from both Eliot and Julia. She tells him about escaping the Library with Plover, then coming to NY, to help the others. She tells him about helping Q, finding out Eliot’s alive and her leaving after. She tells him about Sheila and Modesto, coming back to NY and helping Kady and the hedges. She tells him about the time-share spell, getting back with Q, finding out Everett’s plan and defeating the monsters. She finally tells him about the seam, Everett appearing, Q doing magic and almost not making it out.  
Alice stops, for a few moments. Then, she continues telling Eliot about not finding Q, Fogg telling them he’s left, the spell not working and Julia waking up. After she’s finished, Eliot asks Julia if she wouldn’t mind getting out for a few minutes, he needs to talk to Alice alone. Julia complies, leaving Alice and Eliot alone. 

“Alice, I’m sorry. You must think it’s my fault Q left” Eliot apologizes “You guys got back together and I can’t help but think that if I hadn’t been possessed, Q wouldn’t have become so depressed he had to leave”

Alice takes Eliot’s hand and reassures him “Eliot, no! I don’t blame you! Well, maybe a bit for shooting the monster and getting possessed, but I did worse things that day, mainly betraying you and almost destroying magic!”

Eliot squeezes Alice’s hand. “Whatever you did, it seems you’ve gone out of your way to atone for it” 

“I don’t know if it’ll be enough. I almost lost Q in the process, have lost him actually. He’s broken up with me, you know? In his letter, he breaks up with me” Alice tells him

“Alice, I’m so sorry. I can’t help but think it’s because of me” Eliot apologizes again. 

Alice chuckles. Q says the same thing in his letter. “You know that Q says the same thing in the letter? But even if you’re part of it, you’re not the main reason. And I agree with him” Alice says. 

Eliot looks puzzled. “If it’s not me, then why?”

“Well, contrary to what you may believe, Q’s world doesn’t revolve around you” Alice tries to joke. But Eliot’s deadpan look, makes her become serious again. “Look, Q was not doing ok and the closer we got to actually having a chance of saving you, the more desperate he got. Julia knows better. He was spiraling, rally fast. We got back together, almost at the end, just before we went to the seam. Even then, I knew it wasn’t the right choice. When we did the time-share spell, we each confronted our past us, from the moment we started dating, back in Brakebills south I guess, we remembered that period and we hung onto each other. Him, because he needed an anchor. Me, because I had lost my footing and didn’t know what my place was in the group, after my betrayal” Alice explains. “I love Q, but I think that in the long run, we’ll be better of as friends. Also, it’s kind of hard to be with a person who’s so in love with another”

Eliot stares at Alice. “It’s you, dumbass. Q’s in love with you” Alice says. Eliot laughs. He’s never thought he’d hear one day, Alice Quinn calling someone a dumbass. 

“You’re not angry” Eliot asks.

“If I’m honest, I’ve always thought there was something between the two of you. Since the beginning, Q and you’ve always been close. During the quest, you became even closer and you should have seen how hard Q’s fought to free you. What I don’t understand is, if Q is in love with you and you’re clearly in love with him, how the hell you’re not together? What happened?” It’s something Alice has been questioning herself about, since reading Q’s letter and seeing Eliot’s reaction as he read Q’s. 

Eliot closes his eyes. This is going to be painful; he knows. But he must come clean with the women that love Q, probably as much as he does. “Can you call Julia back? You both need to hear this”

Alice calls Julia back. She tells her “Eliot is going to tell us why he’s not with Q, even if they are clearly in love with each other”

Eliot takes a deep breath. “Do you remember what I told Q, that day, in the park, to prove that I was alive?” 

“You said something about proof of concept. And you mentioned peaches and plums, for some reason” Alice says. 

“Well, this has to do with something that happened during the quest for the keys” Eliot starts. “Remember how we got the time key?” 

“Margo dug it from Jane Chatwin’s corpse, stopping you from going to Fillory in the past” Julia says. 

“She did and she didn’t. When Q and I went back to Whitespire, we found a gift Q had prepared, in case we died in Fillory of the past” Eliot remembers. 

“El, I think you’ll have to start from the beginning” Julia says. 

“Ok. Remember the third key was at the mosaic, where you had to recreate the beauty of all life. Q and I went there” Eliot tells them. He continues telling the story of the mosaic, the life they lived there, Arielle, Teddy, Arielle dying and raising Teddy alone, getting unofficially married, Teddy growing up, them becoming old, dying, the 50 years they spent together … He tells them about Q solving the mosaic and giving the key to a young Jane Chatwin and Margo stopping them from going on the quest. 

“Huh, so Q gets to appear twice in the books” Julia chuckles. 

“I don’t understand. You said Margo stopped you from going to Fillory in the past. How come you remember about your life at the mosaic, if the timeline was erased?” Alice asks. 

“I told you about the gift we sent Margo, right?” Both women nod. “It was a basked with peaches and plums, we had an orchard, where we grew them. And Q had written a letter, telling Margo about our lives, in case we never got back. When we read the letter, we remembered that lifetime” Eliot explains again. 

“The question remains. If you spent 50 years together, you’re clearly in love with each other, how come you’re not with Q?” Julia asks, this time. 

“Because I was the world’s greatest idiot. After we’d read the letter, Q asked me to give our relationship a try, here, in our time. He said we had proof of concept, 50 years of being together” Eliot closes his eyes. He still remembers that moment, Q sounding hopeful and him shooting down his hopes and Q apologizing, for even daring to ask! That’s something Eliot smacks himself about mentally. Julia and Alice are paying attention to him, urging him to continue. 

“I shot him down. I told him that it wasn’t us and that he wouldn’t choose me” Eliot confesses. 

“Oh, El, you didn’t” Julia says. 

“I did and I saw that moment when I broke his heart” Eliot says bitterly. 

“If it’s a painful memory for the two of you, why did you use that moment to tell Q you were alive?” Alice asks. 

“Because Charlton, the monster’s host, before I shot him, told me that in order to escape my happy place” Eliot starts

“Happy place?” Julia asks.

“It was a refuge inside my mind. To protect me from the monster’s other hosts. Charlton told me that to find a door to my conscious mind, I had to look for my deepest fear, the thing I regretted the most. Turns out, of all the fucked-up things I’ve done in my life, turning Q down that day, was the thing I regretted the most” Eliot says. “I needed Q to know it was me, and only he knew about the mosaic. And it was a way of telling him that I loved him” Eliot finishes. 

Julia smiles. “Damn, if you weren’t still healing and that story wasn’t that romantic, I’d be kicking you in the balls, for hurting Q. And don’t think that when we find Q and you confess your love to him; you’ll be out of danger. Hurt him again and I’ll end you” 

Alice nods in agreement. “And I’ll help”

Eliot chuckles, though he takes the threat seriously. But he’s happy to know that Q has such formidable women wanting to protect him. “Don’t worry. I’ll never do anything to hurt him that way”

Julia and Alice nod. “Can you tell Margo she can come in?” Eliot asks. He knows Margo’s been wanting to be with him and he needs to ask her a few things, mainly why she wasn’t here, while Q and Julia dealt with the Monster. 

Julia and Alice leave, and Margo comes inside a few minutes later. “Wow, those two have really become attached at the hip. I wonder what Q would say if he knew his best friend and his girlfriend are getting so close. Then, our Penny told us he had a dream about Julia being Leia, Alice being Daenerys and him being Indiana Jones” She laughs at that, Q’s nerd fantasies. 

Eliot frowns at her comment, which seems so careless. He’d have laughed, in other circumstances, but now that he knows what happened, he doesn’t know how he feels about Margo mocking Q so easily. 

“Sit down, Margo. We need to talk” he says, serious. 

Margo is surprised. She thinks Eliot would have laughed at her comment about Q and his nerdy tendencies. Before she sits down, she goes to kiss Eliot, but he turns his face away. 

“Did you just do the cobra to me?” Margo asks, getting angry. 

“Margo, sit down, will you?” there’s a hardness in Eliot’s tone. Margo sits down. 

“You know, in all the years we’ve known each other, you’ve only called me Margo a few times” She comments. She doesn’t say that it involves some disagreement they’ve had. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Alice and Julia have told me what happened while I was possessed” Eliot starts innocently. 

“Oh, and have they told you how I took the axes that saved you from those dessert dickwads?” Margo loves telling the story. 

“Yes, they have. They’ve also told me about Q” Eliot continues, calmly. 

“Did they tell you he was a whiney pussy at the end? I had to tell him to grow a pair of tits! He was going to ruin everything otherwise! Thank god Alice got back with him, I wouldn’t have been able to endure his constant crying over Quinn not loving him anymore. Or his infatuation with hedge bitch” Margo says, without a care. She doesn’t realize Eliot is breathing deeply, his hands clenching and unclenching. 

“It seems you didn’t need Q or the others, at all to save me. You could have done it all by yourself” Eliot says. 

“Damn right you are. Q and the others did their job of taking care of the Monster. And they didn’t even do a good job since you’ve been fucked up sideways. I had to come back, to put some order into the troops” Margo tells him, not recognizing the trap. 

“Ah-ha. And where were you, while they dealt with the Monster? Mostly Julia and Q?” Eliot asks, sweetly. 

“Well, for your information, I was in Fillory, ruling as High King” Margo says. 

“Hum. I thought Josh and Fen were helping you with that” Eliot comments.

“They were, but only after I had to give up my throne, in order to get the axes from that dessert tribe. By the way, you owe me, and I want you to help me get my throne back” Margo demands. 

“I thought we were going to try to find Q” Eliot says. 

“Look, El. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t like the little nerd, because I do. But if he can’t fucking deal taking care of a baby Monster for a few months, if he has to be mollycoddled, because he can’t deal with it, then what worth is he?” Margo asks. 

“Really?” Eliot says sarcastically. “Because from what Alice and Julia told me, you were in Fillory most of the time, which means Q was taking care of the Monster” Eliot counters. 

“So, what if I was? It’s not like I asked to be there in the first place. Bacchus, who was posing as Ember brought me back” Margo defends herself. 

“But you could have come back and help Q with the Monster” Eliot says. 

“I did, with the axes!” Margo almost shouts. 

“But in the meantime, you stayed in Fillory most of the time, didn’t you?” Eliot accuses Margo

“Come on, El. You don’t know what it was like, seeing that thing with your face. I had to help kill a god, otherwise, the Monster would kill me, and Josh” Margo tries to defend herself. 

“But you didn’t have any problems with letting Q and Julia, and Alice deal with that thing, right?” Eliot asks again. 

“Well, it’s not like Q wasn’t going to do it before. Do I have to remind you that he chose to become the monster’s guardian? He would have done it eventually. And it was his fault, in the end. If he hadn’t chosen to become the guardian, you wouldn’t have chosen to shoot the Monster. If you think about it, it’s really Q’s fault” Margo says. She doesn’t notice how tight Eliot’s fists are. 

“Margo, get the fuck out” he says, with a calm fury. “How can you blame Q? I decided to use the God-killing bullet and you agreed”

“Well, seeing how things went, he should have let Q become the guardian” Margo answers back, not understanding why Eliot is so angry with her. “What do you care so much about Q anyway? It’s not like you’re in love with him, or anything” she says. She then sees the look on Eliot’s face. “Shit, don’t tell me you went and caught feelings? For nerd boy no less? I told you he wasn’t that cute. You should have just fucked him and be done with him later, considering he’s more into big tits than cock. Now, will you stop being a pussy and come with me to Fillory?” Margo finishes. 

“Margo, I won’t say it again. Get the fuck out. If you value anything about what remains of our friendship, you’ll leave this room, now. You will stop saying hurtful things about Q, when you were nothing but a coward, who run away to Fillory, while you left our friends here, dealing with the Monster. You only came back when it was sure they’d win. And you expect me to thank you for saving the day?” Eliot tells Margo, very calm. He doesn’t want to make a scene in the infirmary. 

Margo, for the first time, is speechless. She thinks Eliot would side with her. Ok, she has been a bit mean about Q, but come on, they love teasing the guy. And why no one appreciates what she did with the axes. She was fucking awesome, kicking the asses of those sexist bad Dothraki wannabes. She’s so dumbstruck that she leaves the room, without saying a word. She starts walking and finds herself in the cafeteria, not knowing how she’s gotten there. Fingers snap in front of her. She raises her head and it’s Kady. 

“Margo, are you ok?” Kady asks. 

Margo shakes her head, to clear it. “No, I just had an argument with El, about Q. And El took Q’s side, can you believe that. What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be deep in hedge business?”

“I came to visit Julia and to talk to Fogg, about bringing hedges to Brakebills. There are many things the hedges could teach, and they could learn in return. And yes, I believe Eliot would take Q’s side, especially after talking to Julia and Alice”

“Those two think the sun shines out of Q’s ass” Margo says bitterly. “They’ve turned my best friend against me” 

“To be honest, Margo, you weren’t here. You didn’t see the lengths they went to keep the Monster happy and to try to save Eliot” Kady tells her. 

“Well, no. But fuck, I brought the axes. They saved Eliot and Julia. Doesn’t that count for anything? If it weren’t for them, we’d still be dealing with that … that thing” Margo justifies herself. 

“In the end, yes. But Margo, you spent most of the time in Fillory. Meanwhile, the others had to keep the Monster entertained, help it kill gods and keep it from destroying Eliot’s body” Kady tells her again. 

“Julia told me, the Monster started taking drugs and Quentin threatened to stop helping it and said he’d burn it to the ground if it didn’t take better care of Eliot’s body. The Monster almost killed him”

“I didn’t know that” Margo says, regretfully. “I knew Q cared about El, but not to that extent”

“Margo, you’re fucking blind, if you haven’t noticed how much Quentin cares about Eliot. Even Alice acknowledges that, and she went back to dating the guy” Kady tells her. 

“Shit. And now I’ve made fun of their feelings for each other” Margo realizes. “Eliot’s never going to forgive me. I can’t believe that fucking nerd would end our relationship! I knew he was going to be trouble, the moment I met him, and I saw how much Eliot liked him” 

Kady just stares at her. It’s the second time she’s wanted to hit a person so much. And she knows that Margo would retaliate just the same. “You know, if you want to mend your relationship with Eliot, you should really think about what you just said, right now, instead of blaming Quentin”

Margo glares at her. She doesn’t like when other people tell her she’s wrong, especially if they’re right. She huffs in anger “You too? You take his fucking side! Fuck you and fuck them! Let them be happy with nerd boy! I’m going to Fillory” She walks away, fast, and muttering to herself how unfair everyone is being. She goes to the apartment. It’s empty, so 23 is not there. She starts gathering her things, to go to Fillory. While she does that, her anger starts cooling down. She takes a glass, thinking of pouring her a drink, but she hurls it at the other side of the room, where it shatters. She’s frustrated, angry and sad. It’s easier to blame Q for everything, since he’s not there, to defend himself. But she’s really hiding her own guilt. 

And she realizes. It hits her like a brick. She’s been a bitch, to everyone, mostly to Q. She knows Kady and Eliot are right. She ran away to Fillory, because she couldn’t deal with the Monster having Eliot’s face. She wasn’t that much better in Fillory, not comforting Fen, or helping Josh, just thinking about her own grief. The only good things she did, were letting Fen dethrone her, so she could go to the tribe that had the axes and getting them. She saw how badly Q was spiraling, but she mocked him anyway, trying to downplay his feelings. She could have gone with Alice and 23, to the Seam. Instead, Q went and they almost lost him. She can’t even think what it would have meant for Eliot. 

Fuck! She’s really screwed up, royally and it has cost her, her relationship with her best friend. And the truth is that she loves Q. He’s the little brother he’s never had. He’s probably the only person who knows how much of a nerd she is, which not even Eliot knows. Now Eliot Alice and Julia think she doesn’t care about Q, when she wants him back, as much as everyone does, well maybe not 23, but he’s a jerk-ass anyway. She doesn’t know what to do. Running away to Fillory would be the easiest choice, but she knows that Fen and Josh are doing a good job. She wants to recover her crown, but not at the cost of her friendship with the others. 

So, she decides to stay. She’s going to help the others find Q. 

A couple of months later

Eliot and Julia are given the medical all-clear a couple of weeks after they wake up. Eliot still must go to physical therapy and goes to AA meetings, but their wounds heal very well, and they have no side effects of being possessed. Their magic works fine, and they have no problems casting spells either. It’s a bit more difficult for Julia since she’s back to being just a magician again. However, Lipson still wants to them to have regular checkups, for at least six months to a year. 

In the meantime, the group is working on the spell to find missing people. They have all the ingredients, except for the most important one, which is something that belongs to Q. They find nothing in Brakebills’ storage rooms, nor Q’s room in the Cottage, nor the apartment. 

They even ask Josh and Fen for help, because maybe Q left something in Whitespire castle, the few times he was there. Still, they have no luck. 

Eliot and Margo reach a tenuous truce, with Margo trying to reach out to Eliot and actively taking part in helping finding Q, and not mocking him anymore. Penny is the only one who doesn’t fully agree with the plan. Kady, being as busy as she is, with Hedge business, she helps when she can, with Margo, more than Alice or Julia, helping her. 

They seem to have reached a wall, in finding something that belongs to Q, until …

Eliot and Julia go to Brakebills, for one of their checkups with Lipson. They are in her office, waiting for her to give them the all-clear. 

“By the way, Quentin, I haven’t seen him in a while” Lipson starts saying. “He went to the Seam with Alice and Penny, didn’t he?” 

Eliot and Julia nod. 

“Oh, it’s, well, I haven’t seen him in a while and I wanted to give him a checkup, just like I did to Alice and Penny, after they came back” Lipson continues “Moreover, I saw he had cast a spell on him, and by the look of it, he’d really need some medical assistance” 

Both Julia and Eliot stare at her. “What kind of spell and why would he need medical assistance?” Julia asks. 

“The spell is one pregnant magicians use, when they want to conceal the pregnancy” Lipson tells them. “It’s mostly used when they find themselves in dangerous situations, like wars”

Julia and Eliot start laughing. Pregnant? Q? Come on, they’re magicians and they’ve seen some pretty weird shit, but Q being pregnant? Or men being able to get pregnant? Really?

“Come on, Professor, men can’t get pregnant. I think I learned that in biology 101” Eliot says, jokingly. 

Lipson purses her lips in anger and frowns. “But we’re magicians and while it’s not common, some male magicians can get pregnant. They are usually healing magicians or naturalist magicians, but occasionally, magicians from other disciplines can get pregnant too. Quentin is one of them”

Julia and Eliot laugh again. It seems ridiculous and wouldn’t have Q, told them he could get pregnant? 

“Come on, Professor, you’re pulling our leg. There’s no way Q is pregnant” Julia says. 

“I’m telling you what I saw. From what I could see, he’d been under the spell for a while, more than three months, but without him being here, I have no way of making sure how far along he was” Lipson tells them, completely serious. 

Julia and Eliot, seeing that Lipson is not laughing, they start wondering. Is she telling them the truth?

“Wait, you’re serious. You think Q was pregnant when he came from the Seam, and by then he’d been pregnant for some time” Eliot says. 

“I don’t think, I’m 100 % sure. Quentin was pregnant at the moment he came from the seam. I can’t tell you how far along he was, the spell prevented me from seeing that. But he was pregnant” Lipson tells them, completely sure. “So, when you see him, please tell him to come visit me. I’d really like to do a checkup to him, see he and the baby are ok. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to.” She stands up and she starts leaving the room. 

“Wait!” Eliot shouts. “Is there a way of knowing when the baby was conceived and who the other father is?” He has an inkling about it, and he doesn’t like it one bit. 

Lipson stops “There are. But Quentin needs to be here, so the spell can be cast. Again, when you see him, please tell him to come see me. I’ll see you again next month. Goodbye” And she leaves the room. 

Eliot and Julia stay in Lipson’s office. Q is pregnant? For how long? And who is the father?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also want to thank all the people keeping this fandom going, now that the series has ended. I think that Q and Eliot's relationship was one of the best relationships, in the show and on tv, and which got an unfair treatment, in the end. So thanks again!


	5. chap 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the gang finds out about Q's pregnancy. Someone gets a much-deserved scolding (maybe something more). The search for Q continues. We see little snippets of Q's first two months with his babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!   
> I hope that you're not going stir crazy with the confinement! I'm wishing for it to be over! Still, stay safe and strong! New chapter and only 2 or 3 left! I'll resume my other fics and I'm already thinking of a new story to write, probably an AU, or a cross-over, I'll see. As always, the warning about talks of suicide and mental illness. My thanks for JustJ, for suggesting the idea of using Eliot's connection to the babies, to find Q.   
> Thank you for your support, kudos and comments! Enjoy the chapter!

**IN NEW YORK …**

Eliot and Julia stay in Lipson’s office. Q is pregnant? For how long? And who is the father? They don’t say anything, they just stare at each other. Suddenly, Eliot gets up and runs out of the office. Julia follows him. She finds him leaning on a wall, pale and breathing hard. She gets in front of him. He has a panicked look on his face, his eyes wide and unblinking. He starts hyperventilating, so Julia has him sit down and put his head between his knees, while she gets him to take deep breaths. Eliot calms down a bit, but he grabs Julia’s hands, and still with that horrified look asks her:

“Please, Julia! Please, tell me the Monster didn’t touch Q like that! Please!” That last word, it’s almost like a plea, that Eliot keeps repeating in a whisper. Julia kneels and cups Eliot’s face with one hand, while still holding his hands, with her other hand.

“Listen to me Eliot, ok? The Monster never touched Q like that, never!” She says, trying to sound the most convincing she can. She wonders what Eliot knows about how the Monster behaved with the rest of them. “It was touchy-feely with Q, but It never showed any interest in Q, or anyone of us like that, ok? It never touched Q like that!” She repeats. Eliot nods and starts calming down. It seems he’s ok for a moment, then he gets another panicked look and goes paler still. He stares at her with wide panicked eyes and squeezes her hands again.

“Julia, I think I’m the father of Q’s baby” Eliot says, almost a whisper.

Julia, who was kind of expecting that revelation, squeezes his hands back and helps Eliot getting up. She hugs him, which makes her chuckle, considering their height difference. She stares right into his eyes. “I know. Let’s go to the apartment. I think we need a drink, to talk about this and tell the others”

Eliot, still slightly panicked, just nods and allows Julia to guide him to the portal that leads to the apartment. When they get there, they see that everyone is there already. Before they can say anything, something rushes past Julia and collides with Eliot, hugging him.

“Eliot, you’re alive and ok!” Fen says as she hugs Eliot. “I was so sad to hear that you died, and then Margo told us you were alive! And now you’re here, and you’re ok!” She says while holding Eliot.

Eliot kisses Fen’s forehead and hugs her back. “Hello, Fen. It’s good to see you too!” Her enthusiasm is heartwarming and makes him smile. “What is it like being High King?” He asks, as a small jab to Margo.

“Oh, you know. Everyone wants something, the Lorians are fighting and Tick is as slimy as always. But Josh is great, and he helps me a lot. Oh, and now that you’re alive and well, we must declare you alive too, for the records” Fen tells him.

Eliot stares at Margo, like asking her “You declared me dead?”. Margo says “It was before we knew you were alive inside the Monster”

“Yes” Fen says. “I did all the Fillorian rites of mourning, which remind me, that since I became a widow, we’re no longer married” Fen informs Eliot.

Eliot just stares at her. Julia, taking pity of him says “You’ll have time to talk about it later. Now, we’ve got news”

Alice, who’s been doing some research asks “Did Lipson give you any bad news?”

“No. Eliot and I are fine, we just must continue our checkups a few more months and that’s it. The news we have is about Q. But I think we should sit down” Julia answers Alice, as she moves to sit with her on the sofa. The others gather around, Penny being the only one who doesn’t look happy to hear about Q.

“So, does Lipson know where Q is, or where he went?” Kady asks.

Julia and Eliot shake their heads no. Julia takes Alice’s hand. “No. She told us that Q was pregnant at the time he came back from the seam” Eliot tells the others, while Julia nods, confirming it.

No one says anything. They all stare at Julia and Eliot. You could almost hear the drop of a pin. Suddenly, a ding goes on. It’s the timer from the oven. Josh appears in the kitchen and takes out a tray of snacks. This seems to wake the others, who all start speaking at the same time:

“Q? pregnant?” Alice

“What? How?” Kady

“Great, just what we need, more whiney morons” Penny, which earns him a collective glare from everyone.

“Who’s the baby daddy?” Margo

“Ohh, babies” Fen

A loud whistle resonates. It’s Josh. “Ok, let them explain”

Julia and Eliot give Josh a grateful look. They stare at each other as if deciding who’s going to tell them. Eliot nods and Julia starts explaining. “Lipson asked us if we had seen Q. She wanted to give him a checkup after he came from the seam, just like she did to you “She looks at Alice” And Penny. She also told us she had noticed Q had cast a spell on him, one that it’s used to conceal pregnancies, that’s why she also wanted to give him a checkup, to see if the baby was ok” Julia explains.

“But how come Q can get pregnant? He’s a guy” Kady asks.

“Apparently, there are some male magicians who can become pregnant” Eliot explains. “Lipson said that they’re usually healers or naturalists, but sometimes, even if it’s rare, magicians from other disciplines can get pregnant too” As soon as he says that, everyone turns to stare at Josh, who backs down while raising his arms.

“Ohh, don’t look at me! Lipson tested me when we came back from Brakebills south, but I can’t get pregnant, thank god! I did know some guys from my discipline that could, some healers too” Josh says.

“Did Lipson say anything else? Like how far along was he, or who’s the father?” Alice asks. She’s horrified at the pressure Q must have been under, keeping that secret and going through what he went. She wants to find the father and punch him in the nuts, though she has an inkling of who it might be.

“Lipson says that the spell prevented her from seeing that, but it could be anywhere from before going to Castle Blackspire, to the past months” Julia says.

Alice counts the months. “So, he could be close to giving birth or in the last months of pregnancy”

Julia nods.

“I think we’re forgetting something. Who’s the baby daddy?” Margo asks. Now she feels worse than ever, knowing Q was, is pregnant and leaving him alone with the Monster.

Eliot glares at her but doesn’t say anything yet. Kady voices what he feared at first.

“You don’t think the Monster ….” Kady doesn’t finish the sentence, but the implication is there.

The others stare at her horrified. Alice notices Eliot and Julia having some sort of agreement. Julia nods at Eliot, who sighs. “I’m the father”

The rest stare at Eliot. Just like when Julia has told them about Q, all hell breaks loose.

“How? When?” Margo and Josh

“Way to go, Waugh” Kady

“Eliot, I’m happy for you” Fen

Alice gets up and slaps him, which gets an outraged cry from Margo “What the fuck, Quinn!”

“No, Margo. I deserve this” Eliot says since Alice knows the truth. Margo guesses there’s a story there, but since she and Eliot are barely speaking to each other, she can’t know.

“Great, just what we need. One more reason to continue the search for Coldwater. A fucking baby” Penny says.

No one sees Eliot move. Before anyone realizes, he’s gotten up and has punched Penny, breaking his nose. Penny grabs his bleeding nose “What the fuck dude!”

Eliot, looming over Penny and mustering all his intimidating power, from being High King, in a calm voice, tells him “Speak of Q or my child like that and I’ll break more than your nose”, which gets him approving looks from everyone.

“Ok, let's calm down a bit” Josh says. “Eliot, why don’t you tell us how it happened, so we can establish a timeline?”

Eliot gives Josh a grateful look. He sighs “Q and I slept together, a couple of nights before we went to Castle Blackspire. I won’t go into detail. We spent a couple of nights together and that’s it” He says. He doesn’t want to give any more details.

Alice makes numbers again. “So, either Q is almost ready to give birth, or he’s given birth already”

“Shit. That means Q was pregnant, the whole time he was with the monster” Kady says.

They all go silent at the implication.

“For what is worth, Lipson told us that the spell Q used, also protects the mother and the baby” Julia clarifies.

Fen suddenly starts laughing. They all look a her as if she’s grown a second head. Between laughs, she says “Quentin is a mother”

The others stare at each other and smile at the thought of Quentin being called mommy.

“Well, he certainly has some experience taking care of brats” Josh says, which makes the others laugh too. Well except for Penny, who’s angry about his broken nose.

They get serious quickly, though. Alice, Julia, and Eliot have a bigger motivation to find Q now. Kady feels more respect for Q now. Hiding that secret and going through all that for as long as Q has done, that requires some balls of steel. Margo feels guiltier about how badly she’s treated Q. She looks at Eliot, who’s staring at the floor, completely broken down. If she hadn’t been such a raging bitch, she would be comforting Eliot now, maybe teasing him about the baby. Now, she just stares as Julia and Fen hug Eliot.

**SOMEWHERE IN THE BRITISH COLUMBIA …**

Quentin spends a few days at the clinic, where a very kind nurse, teaches him how to best feed his babies, with the bottle and formula. Since he can’t breastfeed, he has to use formula. Gabe has given him one, that’s almost as good as breast milk. In Fillory, he and Ari used a wet nurse, saying that Ari hadn’t had enough milk to feed Teddy properly. When Teddy had gotten older, they’d used goat’s milk, which isn’t as strong as cow’s milk. The nurse also tells him that when he feeds his babies, Quentin should keep skin to skin contact, that way, it helps strengthen the bond, between father and children. Q remembers. He read an article about that, in a magazine, where it talked about the kangaroo method, used in developing countries, for the care of premature babies, but also as a recommendation for fathers to bond with their children. In Fillory, he’d hold Teddy skin, to skin, or he’d carry him in a papoose, while he worked in the Mosaic.

The nurse also gives him a reminder course on changing nappies, like covering Alec’s parts with a cloth, to avoid the risk of being peed on the face. It had happened once to Eliot, and he had not been amused at all, even if Q and Ari had laughed their assess off. She also helps him bathe the babies and he’s surprised to see they like it. Teddy absolutely hated baths, even as a baby, and when he was a kid, he had to be wrangled in, so he could be cleaned. It often took the three of them to do that. But Q, remembers that each baby is different, and they have their set of rules.

Alex and Nick visit him, every day he’s at the clinic. Alex has been staying at his house, taking care of Izotz. She tells him Izotz misses him, that he spends his days, laying down, near the door, waiting for Q to come home. When Alex takes him on walks, he’s not as energetic as he usually is. Q misses Izotz too and wants his dog to meet his little brother and sister. Madison, the director of the shelter, who also visits Q, tells him the best way to introduce Izotz to the babies. She also tells him that Ilargi misses him. She says that Q will go to the shelter, when the babies are a bit older, maybe 2 or three months. Gabe agrees. He says being around animals will help boost their immune system, but first, they have to be a bit stronger. With plans on the make already, Q wants to go home.

Nick also visits him, telling him he’ll do house consults, as Q will be pretty busy with the babies. Q’s bosses from the museum, visit him too and ask him if he’d be ok, doing some freelance work, even if he’s on paid paternity leave. Q agrees, but he tells his bosses, they’ll have to wait until he gets a routine with the babies. His bosses, who love Q dearly, are more than willing to comply.

Finally, the day for Q to go home arrives. Gabe and Nick have come to take him there. Q sets his children in their car seats and he sits with them, in the back. He spends the short ride home, staring lovingly at his babies. While it’s early to tell the color of their eyes, he can see that they’ve inherited more of Eliot’s features than Teddy did. Their hair is darker and curlier, their eyebrows are thinner, and Alec seems that he’s inherited Eliot’s nose, while AJ has inherited Eliot’s mouth. Q hopes that one of them, or the two of them will have Eliot’s hazel eyes. He only wishes jokingly, that they don’t inherit Eliot’s height. It had been bad enough when Teddy became taller than he, though not as tall as Eliot. Then, he doesn’t really care, as long as they’re happy and safe.

They arrive home. Alex is waiting there for them, with Izotz, to help Q introduce the babies to his dog. Nick is the first one to go in, which earns a welcome woof from Izotz, but a whine, when he sees it’s not Q. Alex helps Q carry the babies. They go into the living room, where Nick and Alex are holding Izotz. When Izotz sees Q, he wants to rush to greet his owner, and whines in protest, when Alex tells him to stay still. Q and Gabe set the car seats with the babies on the rug. Q goes to greet Izotz, who’s wagging his tail like mad, so happy to see his owner, his daddy. Q sits on the floor, and Izotz starts licking him on the face, and neck, woofing, as if asking, what took Q so long. Q hugs Izotz, all teared up. It’s so nice to have such a welcome. He hopes Izotz reacts the same way to his brother and sister.

Izotz noses Q’s belly as if noticing there’s something missing. He whines, licking Q again. Q takes him by his collar, gently and guides him toward the babies. Gabe is sitting on the floor, ready to protect the babies, if something goes wrong. Izotz smells the air. He scents the babies, a new scent, mingled with Q’s. He whines questioningly and wants to approach the babies. Q and Izotz get where the babies are. Q tells Izotz to lie down and Gabe pushes the car seat with AJ, forward. Q places the seat in front of Izotz, who wants to see what that new thing is. Still holding Izotz by the collar, Q allows Izotz to start scenting AJ. Izotz scents AJ, very carefully, but scenting all over her. She’s asleep and just moves a bit. When Izotz gets too close to her face, she scrunches it. They all hold their breaths, hoping that she doesn’t wake up and start crying. But she opens her eyes, and instead of crying, she just lies there, occasionally flailing her arms or legs. Izotz looks at Q, then back at AJ. He woofs softly then goes back scenting AJ again. When he gets to her face, he licks her, very lightly, with the tip of his tongue. He looks at Q again and woofs, asking for Q’s approval. Q nods, smiling at Izotz’s acceptance of AJ. Izotz gently licks AJ again, who just yawns and goes back to sleep. Q pets Izotz, telling him what a good boy he is.

Alex comments that Izotz probably established a bond with the babies, while they were in Q’s womb. Then again, Izotz has always been protective of Q and very gentle with him. They repeat the process with Alec, who behaves just like his sister, though he’s more awake when Izotz is scenting him. When Izotz is done, he lies next to the car seats, while the babies sleep. When Gabe makes a move, to put one of the seats on the sofa, Izotz growls at him. Those tiny creatures that smell like daddy, are his to protect, his little brother and sister. Q looks at him proudly. Even if he was a little apprehensive at first, he knows that Izotz would fall in love with the babies instantly. His giant protector. He moves the seats to the couch and Izotz sits next to him, putting his head on Q’s lap. Q pets him while telling him what a good boy he has been.

Alex, Gabe, and Nick stay for dinner, helping Q get settled down, after the birth. The babies wake up because they’re hungry. They start crying, which makes Izotz jump, adopting a protective position. Q and his friends laugh at that, while Q and Gabe prepare the bottles. Q sits on the sofa, wearing his black hoodie, the zipper open, so he can hold the babies, skin to skin, while he gives them the bottle. He starts with AJ, who finishes her bottle and after winding her, she falls asleep again. Q then feeds Alec, who protests a bit more, but falls asleep, as soon as he’s been winded too. Izotz has his head on Q’s lap all the time as if protecting his daddy and siblings.

Then, Q puts the babies in bed, in their crib, which for the moment is in his room. Izotz settles down in the rug between Q’s bed and the crib, protecting both. Q wakes up during the night, to feed the babies and change their nappies, but other than that, they spend a very quiet first night at home.

Q settles into a routine with his children and Izotz. He’s read that’s the best way for the babies to get used to a schedule. It’s not very strict, he doesn’t follow a regulated timetable, but he tries to be quite regular about it. Alex lives with him, for the first month, so he doesn’t feel so overwhelmed.

The routine, however, is rather easy. He wakes up, gives the babies a bottle and cuddles them until it’s time for him to have breakfast. He has a pillow, where he can place both babies and he holds them, talks to them, tells them stories. He tells the babies about Eliot, about Julia and Alice, about Margo, Kady, and Penny. He tells them about Josh and Fen, and about Fillory, the good parts, like the talking animals. He tells them stories about Teddy, and Ted, his dad. When it’s cuddle time, Izotz lies on the bed with them, close to the babies.

After cuddle time, Q gets up and has breakfast, while he watches the babies. They have a nap in the morning and they usually sleep for an hour, which Q uses to take a shower and tidy the house. After their nap, they go for a walk, with Izotz. They can’t go on their usual route; the stroller can’t go on the rougher terrains. But they manage to have a long walk, where Izotz can run, though he decides to stay closer to Q and the babies and he brings them sticks or leaves or stones.

Then, they return home, for lunch, though Q carries a couple of bottles in the bag and a bottle warmer, just in case. Q gives their bottles to the babies and then puts them again to sleep, for another nap. He has lunch and he rests afterward. Alex and he speak about the magic she’s going to teach him. She offers to help more, but Q refuses, not because of pride, but because he must get used to following that routine on his own since Alex is only staying the first month.

In the afternoon, he works a little, he reads, he repairs an object here and there, while the babies are in their bouncy seats. He has cuddle time in the afternoon too. He gives them a bottle before he has dinner and bathes them, before putting them to sleep. They usually don’t wake up during the night, unless it’s for their bottle.

Q gets used to this routine pretty easily. Between the babies, Izotz and his work, he’s quite busy. However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have bad days. Honestly, they’re not as bad as they were, since he has a therapist whom he can tell about the magic thing, his meds are way better and he has a support system like he’s never had before. But, sometimes it’s not enough and Q gets overwhelmed by the voices in his head. Then, he reminds himself that he’s not alone anymore, that he has two wonderful children that depend on him, a dog who’d give his life and friends who’ve been there when he most needed them.

It’s on the bad days that Q finds himself missing his life and friends in New York, more than he usually does. On the bad days, he often finds himself picking his phone and almost dialing Julia, or Alice, or even Eliot or Margo. Then, he remembers why he made the decision to leave and puts down the phone and goes to a different room until the urge passes.

After the first month, now that Q has his daily routine with his children, Alex comes with a surprise. It’s a couple of wolf-dog puppies, a male, and a female, who look like smaller versions of Izotz. Alex tells him they come from the same breeder as Izotz did. She had a vision about the puppies, so she asked Madison if she knew Izotz’s breeder. Q at first is shocked. How is he going to care for 2 babies and three dogs? But he meets the puppies and knows he can’t refuse them, plus Izotz’s reaction is priceless. The silly dog gets so excited and he accepts the puppies, even acting like a big brother for them, like chastising the puppies, when they become too noisy. Q introduces the puppies to the babies, following the same process, he did with Izotz. The love is immediate. Alex was right about the babies and the puppies getting along. And the puppies choose their favorite. The male puppy chooses AJ and the female puppy chooses Alec, both falling asleep at their feet. Q takes thousands of pictures, of his children and the new puppies. Following the nature themes, and using Basque again, he names the male puppy Elur, which means snow and the female puppy Izar, which means star. The puppies soon become attuned to the babies needs.

Now that the babies are growing up fast, Q can see that they’re the perfect blend of Eliot and him. Their eyes are finally getting their definitive color and AJ has Eliot’s hazel eyes, while Alec has his brown eyes. In the two-month checkup, Gabe gives them their first vaccines and tells Q that they’ll be tall when they grow up. Even with all the baby fat they have, it’s clear that they’ll be long-limbed, just like their father. Q records everything in the babies books: a lock of hair, their measurements, photos, …. He makes videos too, their first bath time, feeding them, the dogs playing, the dogs playing with the babies, which for the moment is not much, the babies and the puppies asleep, in a puppy pile, while Izotz watches over them. He even has one, where he’s on the sofa, with his children asleep on his chest and the dogs asleep on his legs. This video is taken by Alex.

When the babies become two-month-old, Alex starts teaching him magic. Well, she starts teaching him how to cast spells, not depending on circumstances so much, on using his internal circumstances. She tells him that it’s kind of the opposite of battle magic. If you must void yourself of emotions, to do battle magic, Alex teaches him to use his emotions to power a spell. For example, a growing spell is better powered with happy emotions, with love. A shielding spell is better powered with anger. The key is not to let the emotions get the best of you, as the spell can get out of control, for example, an excessive growth, or shields so tight that are almost impossible to unmake. Q finds that doing magic this way, is better suited for him and when he has some free time, (the babies are sleeping), he starts practicing spells he already knows. Alex tells him, that when the babies are older, she’ll teach Q other spells, spells that are taught by the First Nations.

**BACK IN NEW YORK …**

It’s been about a month since the gang found out about Q and his pregnancy and they’re nowhere near finding something that belongs to Q, to cast the spell to locate him. It’s especially frustrating for Eliot. Q and his child are somewhere, and Eliot can’t be there with them. He’s snappish, often getting frustrated by the lack of answers. Moreover, he and Margo haven’t mended their relationship yet, as when she gets frustrated, she lashes out against Q, for leaving.

Julia and Alice have gone to see Q’s mum. She tells them that Q went to see her the day he left and that they skype once a week, but Q never says where he is. She tells Julia and Alice, that they’re welcome to search some of the boxes she has, with Ted’s and Q’s things. But they find nothing that belongs to Q, or at least, nothing Q has a strong connection to. Kady helps when she can, but more often than not, she’s busy with Hedge business, now that hedges are no longer clandestine. Penny hovers around, but since he and Julia broke up and he’s the most vocal against finding Q, he’s spending less time with the group and acts as a messenger for the Fillorian crew. Fen and Josh, come every two weeks or so and they’re still looking for a way to get Margo reinstated as High King.

On one night that everyone is there, well, Q is not, Eliot finds himself unable to sleep. He goes to the living room and stands there, staring out of the window. He wishes for a drink, but ever since he found out he’s a father, he’s decided to take Lipson’s recommendation about therapy and AA groups. He has already had the experience of being a father with Teddy, and Fray, even if she wasn’t his and Fen’s daughter. But Teddy was Q’s and Ari’s and he was more like the cool uncle at first. And Fray was a teenager when he met her, so he’d lost all her childhood years. Now he has the chance of being there for his kid, almost from the beginning and he wants to show Q that he has changed, that he’s committed, to their kid and their relationship. He’s so absorbed in his thoughts, that he doesn’t notice Fen until she’s by his side.

“Can’t sleep?” She asks. He jumps slightly.

“Fen!” Eliot exclaims. “No, I can’t. I keep thinking about Q, about where he is and our child, and the longer it takes us to find him, the more frustrated I get” Eliot tells her. He realizes who’s he talking to. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound insensitive” He remembers their child that was stillborn.

Fen strokes his arm “Don’t worry. I grieved our daughter and I’ll always miss her, but I’ve made my peace about what happened to her. And when we met Fray, it allowed me to be a mom, even for a short time. I’m still young, which means I can have children, hopefully, with someone of my own choosing” They both smile at that. Since Eliot had been declared dead and Fen had gone through the mourning rituals, Fen was considered a widow in Fillorian laws. Even if Eliot was alive now, his status as alive having been restored in Fillory, their marriage was over. Not that they’d been extremely unhappy about that. And Fen has asked Eliot to become an advisor to the crown.

“Well, for what it's worth, I know you’ll be an excellent mum” Eliot tells her. “Fen, I’m sorry, not just about our daughter, about our marriage too. I know I wasn’t a good husband to you” Eliot feels like he hasn’t apologized enough about that.

Fen kisses him on the cheek and says “Don’t worry. We were both in, how does Margo say it, a fucked-up situation and we tried to make the best of it. The fairies, the lorians, and Ember trying to destroy Fillory didn’t make things easy. And I think I was quite lucky; it could have been much worse. I could have been married to Penny!” They both laugh at that. Their Penny, not 23, was as surly as his counterpart, plus he’d have hated being king of a fantasy country and would have blamed Q.

Eliot falls silent. He continues staring out of the window.

“Are you thinking about Quentin and the baby?” Fen asks.

Eliot turns to look at her. “Yes. I hope they’re happy and safe, that’s the most important thing. I also wonder if the baby is a boy or a girl, what its name is if he or she looks like me, or Q” Eliot wonders what would have happened if he’d accepted Q’s offer. Now, he’d be caring for Q and the baby, and they would be safe, with him.

Fen nods in understanding. After learning about the deal Margo had made with the fairies, she had wondered those same things about their daughter. Meeting Fray had been like a dream come true and being able to be her mother was more than she could ever have imagined. That’s why learning the truth had been so devastating and why she still goes to see Fray. She looks at Eliot again and says:

“I’m sure that wherever they are, they’re safe and happy” She tries to comfort Eliot. “Quentin is a very nice man. I know he will be a good father” Eliot smiles. He knows Q is a good father. Fen continues speaking “You know what, even if I haven’t had the chance to spend a lot of time with Quentin, I’ve always liked him. He was always nice to me and he loves Fillory, almost as much as I do. And he cares about you, Eliot, so much. If I had to say who loves you more, Quentin or Margo, I wouldn’t know how to answer”

Eliot tears up. “I’m not so sure about that” If Q loves him, why has he left?

“No, Eliot. You should have seen how relieved Quentin looked when we arrived from the Neitherlands. It was like he only had eyes for you” Fen tells him. “And Julia and Alice have told me how hard Quentin fought, to free you from the Monster’s possession, even when we weren’t sure that you were alive”

Eliot can’t help but say “Well, he sure didn’t lose any time in getting out of here, as soon as I was safe”

Fen frowns. “Eliot, you know that Quentin must have had his reasons to leave. Even I could see that he was not entirely ok, and I only came here a couple of times”

Eliot sighs “I know and it’s not fair. But the longer it takes us to find him, the more frustrated I get. It’s not just that he’s been pregnant with my child, I need to apologize, for many things and I need to tell him how I feel”

Fen pats his arm “You really love him, don’t you?”

Eliot sighs again “More than I could ever have imagined”

Fen smiles “Well, I think you’ll be happy with him” Eliot grabs her hand and kisses it.

“Thank you, Fen” He tells her.

“You’re welcome. Just one question. If you love each other so much, why aren’t the two of you together? I mean, even if you and I were still married, you could have taken Quentin as your husband, or we could have found another solution” Fen says.

“You know, Alice and Julia asked me the same question” Eliot says. Fen is staring at him, with an earnest look. Eliot can’t deny her, and he tells Fen the whole Mosaic story and their conversation in the throne room. Fen listens attentively. When Eliot is finished, she punches him in the arm

“You’re an idiot!” She says.

Eliot rubs his arm. “Ow. You’re not the first person to tell me that either”

“You’re lucky I don’t have my knives here!” Fen exclaims. She gets serious thought. “Eliot, when we find Quentin, you must tell him how you feel, after you apologize to him, for being such a dick”

“Look at you! Soon you’ll be able to curse like Margo does” Eliot nudges Fen.

Fen mock punches him in the arm again. “Nah, I don’t think so. But seriously Eliot, don’t be a coward”

“What if he’s with someone else?” Eliot asks her. It’s one of the things he fears the most. That Q has found someone that makes him happy, who will take care of Q and the child, and treasure them as they deserve.

“Eliot, you can’t torture yourself about that. Now, let's concentrate on finding Quentin. We’ll cross that bridge then. And I don’t think Quentin is going to be with someone else. He loves you too much” Fen tells Eliot.

Eliot kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks, Fen”

Fen smiles. “You’re welcome. Now, do you think you’ll be able to sleep for a bit?”

Eliot nods and they both go to their rooms, to sleep for the remainder of the night.

The following morning, they’re all at the apartment, pouring over different books, to see how they can find something that belongs to Q. They’ve even gone to that witch in Fillory, who has some of Q’s blood, only to find that it’s useless. Eliot, Julia, and Fen have even been to the site of the mosaic, but anything Q or Eliot owed is too damaged, for them to use it. Suddenly, Alice stands up, holding a book:

“Holy shit! I think I found it! How could I have been so stupid! The answer was here the whole time!” She exclaims. They all stare at her, asking for an explanation. Julia says

“And?”

“I found something we can use as a beacon! I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before!” Alice still doesn’t explain. When they continue staring at her, she says “Eliot!”

Julia stands up and pats her in the shoulder “Alice, I know Eliot and Q have a connection, but I don’t think we can use him as a beacon”

Alice waves her hand in denial. “No, not that. I mean, Eliot is Q’s baby’s father. The baby has half of Eliot’s DNA. We can use that connection, to find Q through the baby!”

Eliot stares at Alice. Is that even possible? Julia smiles with glee.

“Oh my god! You’re right! Why didn’t I think about it earlier? Alice, you’re a genius!” Julia says while Alice beams. Julia grabs Alice’s face and kisses her on the mouth, not caring that everyone is staring at them. The kiss deepens, and they both hug each other, while they kiss.

Someone clears their throat, and Alice and Julia separate, both blushing violently. Kady asks.

“Are you sure it will work? Because we’ll only have one chance. If it doesn’t work, it’ll be like going back to square one”

Alice, who’s still blushing after Julia’s kiss says “It won’t be as precise since the baby only shares half its DNA with Eliot, but it might be enough for us to get a location, then we can go from there”

Kady claps her hands “Ok, let's start setting things for the spell. Can we do it here, or do we need to go somewhere else?”

“Brakebills will be better since the ambien magic there will help power up the spell” Alice says.

Penny says “Ok, I’m going to go there, ask Fogg to lend us an empty classroom” And he travels out.

Margo huffs, not looking happy. Julia asks “What the hell is your problem? I thought you wanted to find Q too?”

Margo makes a grimace “Well, yes. But I thought that you’d give up if we didn’t find anything that belongs to Q. And I thought we’d be back to finding a way of reinstating me as High King”

Slap! It sounds like a gunshot. Margo takes her hand to her cheek, not believing who has slapped her. Fen is right in front of her, looking angrier than ever.

“You’re really selfish! How could you say that! Quentin is your friend and he’s done more to protect Eliot than you ever did! Why, when we thought Eliot was dead, you only cared about yourself and how it affected you! You didn’t care that I’d lost my husband!” Fen is screaming at Margo.

“Fen …” Eliot tries to calm her.

“No, Eliot! You deserve to know! While your friends were taking care of the Monster, Margo only cared about her birthright box! She didn’t even care that the talking animals had stopped speaking when they’re so important for Fillory!” Fen continues attacking Margo, who’s gone pale, shocked that Fen would attack her like that. “I’m really glad I followed the Napster’s advice and overthrew you as king! And I don’t know if you deserve to become High King again, not when you’re treating your friends like that!” Fen leaves the room, Josh following her.

The others remain in the living room, completely silent. Margo is still holding her hand to her cheek. Kady checks her, and goes to the kitchen, to grab an ice pack. She gives it to Margo.

“Wow, I think I’ve never seen Fen like that. She’s usually so nice” Alice comments.

“She’s pretty fierce when she wants. You should have seen her when we saw what the McAllisters were doing to the fairies. And she hates the fairies” Julia says.

Eliot is looking at Margo, angry. Margo raises her head and she sees Eliot staring at her, with such anger, she recoils. She’s only seen him this angry twice: when she told him about the deal she’d made with the fairies and when he woke up after being possessed. Whatever advance she’s made, on getting him to forgive her, has just gone down the drain.

“El …” She starts saying, as an apology.

“I can’t even look at you right now” Eliot says, leaving the room.

Penny travels out “I’ve had enough drama. I’m going to get some take out for dinner”

Alice and Julia leave too. Kady stays. Margo sees her, with a beer, quietly sipping it.

“What, don’t you have anything better to do?” She asks Kady.

Kady takes a long sip of her beer. “You know, if you continue like that, you’re going to lose all your friends. And since I don’t see a line of people, waiting to be with you, I think you might consider not losing the ones you have”

“So, are you a relationship guru now? You think you know so much about me and my friends? You, who couldn’t even keep your boyfriend alive?” Margo attacks.

Kady gives her a look of contempt “If you hadn’t been slapped already, your face would have met my fist, with that comment. But, since you’ve been punished enough, I’m going to let it go, this time”

“Shit, even when he’s not here, Q manages to fuck up all my relationships! What the hell does he have, to have everyone believe the sun shines out of his fucking ass?” Margo says bitterly.

Kady sighs. She thought she’d gotten through Margo, somehow, but it seems she’s back at square one. “Margo, I already told you. No one believes that. But Q has always been there to help every one of us. He’s done more for us than any of us have done for him. We owe it to him, to find him, at least to make sure he’s ok. And you keep it making it about you, how it affects you, how it delays your plans. After you had your falling out with Eliot, you recognized you’d lashed out, because you felt guilty, that you hadn’t been here, while Eliot was possessed. What about now? Is it still the guilt for letting Q and Julia deal with the Monster? Or you don’t want to find Q?”

Margo takes the ice pack and throws it in anger “Fuck you Orlof! You know shit about how I feel! Ohh, yes, poor Q, who had to take care of the Monster! And what, he got a bun in the oven and it’s imperative we find him? Just because he was so dumb, he couldn’t remember a fucking contraceptive spell? Are you kidding me?” She rants.

Kady frowns “You might not say that in front of Eliot”. It gets her another rant from Margo.

“So, what, just because Q has a baby, that doesn’t mean Eliot should give up on us, just to be with Q and the baby. Ever since he woke up, all he’s been thinking about is Q, like he’s the only important thing in the world. What about us, then? It used to be him and I against the world, ruling the world, in Brakebills, Fillory … And I thought that when he came back from his possession, he’d want to help me get my throne back. But noo, he’s obsessed about a nerdy boy, whom he fucked in the first year. I told him, I told him to fuck Q and be done with him. Did he do that? No, he went and became friends with the guy!”

“It seems to me you’re jealous that you’re not the most important person in Eliot’s life” Kady says. “You sound like a child, who’s best friend has met another child and they’re spending all their time together. Want me to give you a little advice?”

“No, but you’re going to do it anyway, so, out with it” Margo says.

“Have you spoken to Eliot about this? About how he feels for Q, how you’re feeling? And I mean really spoken, not just saying mean things about Q and worrying only about how it affects you?” Kady asks.

Margo answers “I don’t need to talk to Eliot. He and I are soulmates, we don’t need to speak about our feelings. It’s just a phase. Once he realizes how the baby and Q put a damper on his lifestyle, he’s going to come back to me. There’s no way Eliot’s caught feelings, least of all for Q” She finishes derisively.

Kady sigh in defeat. “Well, I think you should really talk to Eliot. And I’d stop it with the mean comments about Q, or you’re going to lose all your friends” And she leaves Margo alone in the kitchen.

Margo goes to the living room and stares out of the window. She touches her cheek. It’s a little red and still hot. Damn, Fen has really hit her hard. She can’t believe it’s been Fen. She thinks it would have been Julia or Alice. But Fen has always managed to surprise her, so she shouldn’t be that shocked. And Kady is right. Whatever progress she’s made with El, it’s gone down the drain. Damn her stupid mouth! She really needs to have a serious conversation with El, otherwise, she’s going to lose him, for real this time. She wants to blame Q, for coming to Brakebills in the first place, for messing up their perfect lives. But when she thinks about it, if it hadn’t been for Q, she wouldn’t have gone to Fillory, met Josh, Fen, the others … She can’t keep making things about her. It’s time to behave like grown-ups, she thinks. She’ll give Eliot a couple of days to cool off before he speaks to him.

A few days later, they’re finally ready to cast the missing person’s spell. Fogg has given them permission to use an empty classroom. They get there and prepare all the ingredients. The last thing they add is Eliot’s blood, hair, and nails. They get in position. They form two triangles, a smaller one, composed by Julia, Alice, and Eliot since they’re the closest people to Q and a bigger one, formed by Kady, Margo, and Josh. The two triangles form a star of David. Penny and Fen are observing, checking the maps that have been laid out, across the room.

They start casting the spell. In the beginning, nothing happens, and they think that either they’ve screwed up or Eliot’s connection isn’t as strong as they believed it would be. But then, a golden sphere starts to take shape. When it’s done, it starts flying around, whizzing past the casters. The sphere gets to the maps. It flies around, not landing in any. Finally, it gets to the map of North America. It hovers over Canada, over the British Columbia province. But instead of showing an exact location, it fades.

They stare at the map. “Well, that was a disappointment” Penny says.

“No, we know where Q is. He’s somewhere in the British Columbia” Julia says.

“Yeah, now we just have to go there and find the magical communities. Maybe they’ll be able to help” Alice says.

“Ok, so where should we start?” Eliot asks.

“I think the best would be Vancouver and then move from there” Julia suggests.

“Guys, I don’t want to put a damper on the plans, but how are we going to get to Vancouver? It’s not like Penny’s ever been there, right?” Josh says, addressing that last question to Penny.

Penny answers “I’ve never been to Canada, or outside the US. Well, not counting Fillory”

“Hey, isn’t there a school, like Brakebills, in Canada?” Kady asks. “Maybe we can get Fogg to send us there, and they can make us a portal to Vancouver” She suggests.

“Yes, if I’m not mistaken, the school is in Ottawa” Alice says.

Julia claps her hands. “Ok, here’s what we’re going to do. Alice and I are going to see Fogg, get him to connect us to the school in Canada. The others, why don’t you go back to the apartment and start packing?” She wants to have a chance to speak to Alice alone. Ever since they kissed, Alice has been avoiding her, and Julia wants to know why.

Penny travels the others to the apartment. Julia and Alice stay. They clean up the classroom and Alice starts leaving it. “We should go find Fogg before he leaves for the day”

Julia grabs her arm. “Alice, don’t you think we need to talk? You’ve been avoiding me”

Alice blushes and shakes off Julia’s hand. She turns, not wanting to look at Julia. “Look, it’s not a big deal. You kissed me, it was a spur of the moment, nothing else”

“Alice, will you turn around?” Julia asks. Alice turns around but refuses to look at Julia. Julia presses on.

“If it was a spur of the moment, then why have you been avoiding me, for the past couple of days?” Julia asks. “We would have laughed about it, and be done"

“Because it might have started as a joke, but I liked it, when you kissed me” Alice confesses, blushing again. “And I felt guilty because of that”

Julia gets closer to Alice, and combs her hair, away from her face, and smiles “I’ll admit that at first, it was a spur of a moment, but then, I liked it too. If we both liked the kiss, why are you feeling guilty?”

Alice doesn’t say anything, but she gives Julia a knowing look. “You feel guilty because of Q” Julia says.

Alice nods “I don’t know why I even feel guilty. He broke up with me! But you and I have gotten really close and I ….”

“You feel like you’re betraying him” Julia finishes. Alice nods again “Yes. And I don’t even understand why I believe I’m betraying him! We’ve just kissed once, for god’s sake!” Alice almost shouts.

“Would it helped if I told you I’d like to kiss you again?” Julia asks.

Alice stares at her, eyebrows raised. “You do?”

“Yes” Julia says, sounding very sure. “Look, Alice, when I first met you, I was curious about you, about this girl who’d captured Q’s attention. Then, I got to know you. And I found we have many things in common, like our love for the biggest nerd ever” Alice smiles at that. “Then, you pulled that shit with the Library and I despised you, for betraying us”

Alice puts her head down. That’s one of the things she regrets the most. Julia cups her cheek, caressing it with her thumb. “But even if I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t, because I’d done the same thing, I know what it’s like to betray your best friend because I’d already done it. You came back and you helped us beat the Monster twins. More than that, you gave Q another reason to continue living and I can’t thank you enough for that” Julia says.

Alice leans down a bit and kisses Julia. It’s a quick kiss, just a touching of lips. She blushes again, while Julia smiles. “So that happened huh?”

Alice smiles back and says “Julia, I know we need to talk about this” She makes a gesture, pointing at both of them “But we need to get Fogg to give us access to the school in Canada, so we can find Q”

Julia nods in agreement. Before they leave the classroom, she takes Alice’s hand, leans up a bit and kisses her again, a longer kiss this time. “Let's go get Q!”


	6. chap 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finally finds Q.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> I hope that everyone is doing ok! Hopefully, the confinement will end soon, or at least they'll allow us to go out to do sport, and they'll start opening shops that are not supermarkets or pharmacies!  
> Sorry, it has taken me longer to update, but the Easter holidays are over and I'm back teaching! My students are doing great, all things considered, but they tell me they want to go out and see each other! I really want to thank them for the work they've been doing, they've behaved like champs!   
> Since I'm working again, it will take me a bit longer to update, but I'll try to keep it more or less regular.   
> About the chapter. I don't know how the process of getting citizenship in the US or Canada works, so I'm making it up. I also think that The First Nations must have something like a council, with their headquarter in a major city, so ... There are some parts I'm not entirely happy with, so I might come back and edit them. And again, it's gotten out of hand! 😂  
> The usual warnings, for references about mental illness and suicide.   
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter and as always, your comments and kudos are always appreciated, so thank you all!  
> Enjoy the chapter!

**Somewhere in the British Columbia …**

Q’s babies turn three months and he couldn’t be happier. They are growing so fast and now, they interact more with their surroundings. They’ve started grabbing things with their tiny hands, like hair, of pendants, and it’s a strong grip. One of Q’s favorite things is when his children grab one of his fingers when he’s feeding them. When Gabe and Nick visit, they love grabbing their hair, whether it’s in a braid, a ponytail, or lose. Q, who’s been letting his hair grow, doesn’t want to imagine what they’ll do with his hair when it’s long enough for them to grab.

When it comes to his dogs, Q is a bit afraid that the babies might grab too hard and hurt the dogs, who, in turn, would hurt the babies. But the three dogs don’t mind, at all. Izar and Elur are absolutely enamored with the babies and love lying on the floor with them when Q sets them, so they can practice being on their stomachs and rollover. Or when he sets them on the floor, to play with them. Izotz loves the babies too, but Q is his priority. Izotz is gotten big, at 9 months, he’s almost reached the size he’s going to have when he becomes an adult, which is the size of a small horse.

After the babies have gotten their first vaccines, Q takes them to the shelter too. Madison and the girls adore Q’s babies and Q loves showing the babies, all the animals they have at the shelter. The babies love dogs and horses. Q can’t wait until he gets to show his children how to ride a horse. He visits Ilargi, who’s also gotten bigger. She’s almost ready to be broken in, and Madison has told him, they’ve found an amazing trainer.

He’s also learning more magic from Alex. He still only tries simple spells, like cleaning spells, which come very useful, with two babies, or heating spells, for the bottles. But Alex tells him he’s doing great and when the babies can go to daycare, Alex will teach him more. He practices with Gabe too, who teaches him spells that he’s learned at the school in Ottawa. What he does instead, is to continue meditating. Now that he’s got a spirit guide, he likes entering what Alex calls the spirit realm and he visits his spirit guide. The cougar is happy to know the babies are doing well. She speaks to him; she tells him stories about the different animal guides, and she helps him center his magic. They meet in the stream they found each other, the first time and Q often sees the otters, playing in the water. Sometimes, they come near him, and sometimes they don’t. The cougar tells him that now that the babies have been born, the otters are not connected to him anymore.

Nick sometimes practices with them, but he’s busy, counseling the kids, at the local high school, apart from his counseling job.

Another thing Q gets, now that the babies are growing, is a tattoo. He has it done on his arm. It’s a dream catcher, with three circles. In the center of each circle, there is a wolf paw. It’s a replica of his dogs’ paws, one is bigger than the other two. Some of the beads are not the regular beads, but tiny human footprints. The feathers are done in color and each circle has a pendant, in the shape of a diamond, a snowflake, and a star.

Now that the babies are three months old, Q must travel to Vancouver, to deal with some bureaucratic stuff. He plans on staying in Canada for a long time, so he’s decided to apply for citizenship. He’s got a contract, a working permit, and the council of elders, from the reservation, are vouching for him. In fact, thanks to them, he got his permit to work in the first place. He also needs to go to the American Embassy, to register his babies and get them passports, so he can travel back to the US with them. He also needs to get the babies' Canadian passports. He’s decided to apply for dual citizenship, so he’ll be able to use his Canadian and American passports.

Neither Gabe nor Alex can go with Q, so Nick decides he’s going since Q’s going to need a little help. Thank god they don’t have to travel by car, Q doesn’t know if he’d manage the hours of car travel with the babies. There’s a portal from the reservation, which comes in very handy. Plus, he needs to buy more things for the babies, like clothes and toys, so they’re going to spend a couple of days there. He also needs to buy more clothes for him, for the winter. Now it’s autumn, so it’s not too cold, but they’ve told him it can start snowing anytime soon, and Q wants to be prepared.

They make take a couple of rooms in a hotel near the American Embassy and Nick rents a car, through the hotel, just in case. Q’s going to miss the dogs terribly, but Alex is going to take care of them. They leave, early in the morning and check-in at the hotel. Q has appointments with the different offices the following day, so they use the first day to shop. They go to Gastown, which has many different alternative shops and Q buys a few outfits for the babies there. They plan on going to Robson street and Alberni street in the afternoon, where there are more internationally recognized brand shops. If they have time, they plan on going to Granville Island, which Nick has told Q, it’s great for finding some winter wear, and Q didn’t have time to visit it when he arrived in April.

While they’re walking around Gastown, Q and Nick each pulling a stroller, Q sees a group of people that resemble his friends. They’re quite afar, so Q isn’t sure whether it’s them or not, but there’s a guy who’s tall as Eliot, a blonde girl like Alice, an Indian guy like Penny … But then Nick calls for his attention. Alec is being fussy and wants his dad to pick him up. So, Q pays all his attention to his son, while babbling about the things they see. He quickly forgets about the group that resembles his friends.

**In Vancouver …**

Thanks to Fogg’s connections, the gang arrives in Vancouver, in no time. They must go through the Canadian school, but it saves them the plane ticket. A student from the Canadian school travels them to Vancouver and he shows them where the portal to the Canadian school is. It’s in a small street in Vancouver’s Chinatown, making it more discreet. They’ve rented a couple of apartments in the center. Julia, Alice, Eliot, and Fen are staying in one, and Margo, Kady, Josh, and Penny are staying in the other. The student gives them the contact of a few hedges that might help them, especially if they need lodgings for a longer period. They don’t know how much time it’s going to take them to find Q, they must be prepared for any eventuality. The student also recommends them to buy better winter clothing, since winters can be harsher, even if they are on the coast.

The first day they’re in Vancouver, they spend it planning, buying groceries, renting a couple of cars, and getting in touch with some of the hedges that the student from the Canadian school has recommended. One thing they notice when they contact the first hedge coven is that the Canadians don’t seem as stuck up when it comes to academic vs hedges. The first coven that they get in touch with is made of mostly former students from the Canadian school. Not students that have been expelled, but students that have finished their degrees. Apparently, there’s a system. They function more as branches from the school, rather than independent covens. They actually follow the curriculum and all students must spend a trimester at least, studying in a hedge coven. Kady and Julia are amazed, by the collaborative spirit and they plan on pitching the idea to Fogg.

The second day they’re in Vancouver, they divide to visit different hedge covens, as they will cover more ground like that. They go together, as a group. They don’t think they’ll find Q, but maybe, the hedges know a locating spell or they can guide them to other magical communities. They decide they’ll visit a couple of covens in the morning and they’ll do some research in the afternoon. They also have different spells that they’ll use to trade them with the covens.

They start with a coven in Chinatown. The hedges are very helpful, and they gladly accept the spells they’ve brought. They also give them a couple of spells that Julia and Alice can’t wait to try. After that, they go to Gastown, to the other coven they want to visit. While they’re walking down the street, Julia stops for a moment.

“What is it?” Kady asks.

Julia shakes her head “For a moment, I think I just saw Q or someone who looked like him, in a shop, a couple of blocks away”

Eliot gets interested immediately “Was it him? Did he have the baby with him? Was he alone?”

Julia shakes her head again “El, I think I saw him, I’m not sure. I saw a guy who looked a bit like him from behind. But he was not alone. He was with a native American guy and they had two babies”

“Ok, let's go back to where you saw him” Eliot says, looking determined. If Q is here, he wants, no he needs to find him. Ever since he found about Q’s pregnancy, Eliot’s been wanting to find Q as soon as possible. He needs to tell Q how he feels and that he wants to be a family. He’s been thinking a lot, about why Q never said anything. Eliot has reached the conclusion that Q didn’t tell him about the baby, because he didn’t want Eliot to feel pressured into being with Q. Which is on him and his stupidity, but Eliot wants to correct that. And he needs to show Q that he really wants to have a family, just like it was with Teddy and Arielle, at the Mosaic.

They go back to where Julia thinks she has seen Q, but there’s no one there. Either they’re in a shop, or they’ve left. Since they can’t spend the morning chasing a ghost, they decide to go get lunch. In the afternoon, they go back to the apartments they’ve rented, and they try some of the spells they’ve exchanged with the hedges.

The following day, they try another area, where they meet with some other covens. A member of one of the covens they visit suggests they go to the rural areas. She tells them there are many magical communities out there, hedges, and classically trained. She also tells them that they should check the reservations. The native Canadians have a strong magical community, she says. But she also warns them, it’s a bit difficult to get in touch with them since they tend to keep to themselves. The hedge witch tells them they should get in touch with the First Nations organization and to look for sponsors who can guide them around the different tribes. She warns them that the process might take some time. She gives them the card, with the address of the First Nations organization and they plan on visiting it the following day, to start the process of getting approved.

Meanwhile, Q has spent the whole morning dealing with bureaucrats. He’s gotten the approval to get Canadian citizenship: he has a job; he has sponsors and he has been living in Canada for 6 months. Since he’s keeping the American citizenship, he’s allowed to travel, though with the babies still being very young, he doesn’t want to. He also registers his children. As they have been born in Canada, they have Canadian citizenship, and Q gets them passports too. After sorting out his Canadian citizenship, which is not automatic, but takes less time than in the US, his test is in a couple of weeks, instead of the months that’s usually in the US, Q goes to the American Embassy. There, he gets passports for his children and renews his own, which is almost expired. He also registers his children as American citizens, since both their dads are from the US. Q fills out many forms, during the morning. The only time he hesitates to fill a spot is where the forms ask the name of the parents. There are forms for same-sex couples, which makes it easier, as he can write Eliot and himself as parents. However, does he leave one space blank or does he write Eliot’s name in the forms? He struggles with the decision for a while but finally decides to write Eliot’s name as the other parent.

The emergency contacts are much easier. A while ago, Julia would have been his first choice, Eliot being the second. But now, he lists Alex and Gabe as his primary emergency contacts and Nick as his second. He still must decide who’ll be the babies’ godparents. A few months ago, he wouldn’t have hesitated at having Julia and Alice as godmothers. The godfathers, he’s got no doubts, Gabe and Nick. Well, it’s not a decision he must take now, so he leaves it for later.

After he’s done, he meets Nick and they go for lunch, in Granville Island. They have some time in the afternoon before they leave for the reservation and Q’s done with the shopping. Nick needs to go to the First Nations organization’s office, as there are some paper works, he needs to fill, as representative of the Kitselas First Nation. Nick introduces Q to some of the members, both magicians and non-magicians and Q is offered visits to many of the reservations, as an honorary member. While a very nice petite woman shows Q around, showing him the work, they do at the organization, Nick speaks with some of the leaders. Apparently, a group of people has asked for help in locating the magical communities, outside Vancouver and they need a sponsor. They ask Nick to talk to the group, see what they want exactly. The First Nations, while not secretive, they prefer to keep their traditions to themselves. Very rarely, Q’s dad had been an example, they allow outsiders to join their communities.

The leaders ask Nick if Gabe would be willing to be the sponsor as he’s also been to the Canadian school of magic if they decide to let them visit the reservations. They’re magicians, and they are interested in knowing how magic is practiced in different places. They’re offering spells in exchange too. Nick asks the leaders where the members of the group are from. They tell him they’re from New York, Nick’s alarms raise. Q’s told him he left his friends in New York, so that can’t be a coincidence, right? Then, he thinks that New York is big, it has a big magical community and Brakebills is larger than the Canadian school. So maybe, this group is totally unrelated to Q. But just in case, he decides to meet them, before he agrees to tell Gabe about them.

They are waiting for him in a lounge room. Nick enters the room. He sees 5 women and 3 men, looking tired. He introduces himself to them:

“Hi, my name is Nick Spencer. I’ve been told that you’re interested in the magical communities outside Vancouver”

The blonde woman stands up and offers her hand “Hi, I’m Alice Quinn” She says her name like it should mean something to Nick. “Yes, we’ve been told there are many magical communities among the Native Americans, and we’d like to visit them” She says.

“May I ask why?” Nick is curious to see what kind of story they make up “And just for your information, we’re native Canadians, but we prefer to be called First Nations” He sets blondie straight.

The blonde woman, Alice, recoils, almost bumping her legs with the chair she was sitting on. But she doesn’t cower and continues speaking “We’d like to know how magic is practiced in different communities. We want to exchange spells and learn as much as we can” Alice hopes they’ll buy the story.

Nick narrows his eyes “Really? Is that all you want to do? Because picking British Columbia as a place to travel now that winter is coming soon and to explore the magical communities? Why don’t you explore the magical communities of the US? I’m sure you’ll have a more varied choice”

One of the brunette women stands up and comes up to Nick “Look, the truth is that we’re looking for a friend of ours. He’s been missing for a while and we’ve tried locating him, but the closest we’ve gotten is the British Columbia”

Nick recognizes her from one of Q’s photos. It is Julia, his best friend. So, these are the friends, Q’s running away from. “Well, it seems your friend doesn’t want to be found if the closest you’ve gotten with a spell is the general area of where he is.” Thanks to his therapy sessions with Q, Nick knows why Q left New York. Now, he wants to see what his friends say about Q having left them. Depending on what they say, he might be inclined to help them, not without sending them on a bit of a wild goose chase. “Why are you looking for him anyway?”

“We don’t need to explain anything to you, just tell us if you’re willing to help or not” Alice says

“If you’re going to be poking around the magical communities that belong to the First Nations, then yes, you need to explain why you want to find this friend of yours so badly” Nick tells them. He doesn’t want to seem very interested, it may clue them into realizing he might know Q.

One of the men gets up. He’s tall and thin and rather attractive. He’s dressed very sharply, in a three-piece suit, without a tie or bow tie. He has an aura of sadness around him. Nick lets his magic out, very subtly. Yep, there it is. The man’s aura is similar to Q’s babies aura. So, this is the other father.

“Please, I need to find him. I need to find my friend” The man tells Nick. He almost caves in, hearing the desperation in the man’s voice, but his loyalty is towards Q, who’s made incredible progress in his healing and finding his friends are out here, so soon, might set him back.

“Let me consult with one of my colleagues and I’ll get back to you tomorrow” Nick tells them. He takes out a piece of paper “Why don’t you write your contact info here?” He gives the paper to Q’s friend. She writes down a phone number.” How long are you staying in Vancouver?” he asks them.

“Maybe a week more. We need to visit some other covens” Another brunette woman says.

“Well, Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks. You might have some trouble visiting the covens, as most will be home for the holidays” Nick informs them.

Another brunette woman speaks “Don’t worry, we hope to be out of here by then”. Her comment earns her a few irate looks from Q’s other friends, mainly Julia, the blond woman, and the man. Nick carefully observes the interactions. Hum, it seems not everyone is on board with the mission. No way he’s going to let Q go back to that, no matter how heartbroken the others seem.

Anita, the woman who’s been showing Q around comes to the lounge “Nick, your friend is ready to leave. He’s waiting in room 138”

“I’ll call you tomorrow or the following day” Nick says to Q’s friends. “I’ve got to go. See you and good luck trying to find your friend” He leaves the room and runs to room 138, where Q is. He needs to get Q and the babies out before the friends see them.

When he gets to the room, Q is there, rocking the stroller, getting the babies asleep.

“Hey Nick” Q whispers. “They’re about to fall asleep. Are you ready to go?”

“Hey, Quentin” He puts his arm around Q and gently guides him out. “Let’s go to the hotel and them home ok?”

Q yawns “Yeah, home would be nice. I’m tired”

They get out of the building from a different door and they go to their hotel. They take their things and they go to the portal that will take them to the reservation.

They arrive at the reservation. Nick helps Q settle down with the babies. After Q’s down for the night, he goes to his and Gabe’s house. Gabe is there, awake, waiting for him to come home.

“Hey, babe” Gabe greets him. Then he sees the worried look on his face “Did anything happen?”

Nick kisses Gabe and hugs him, hiding his face on his shoulder. “We have a problem”

Gabe gives him a questioning look “What problem?”

“Q’s friends from New York. They are in Vancouver” Gabe gasps. “They came today, to the First Nations organization” Nick tells Gabe.

“Shit! Did he see them?” Gabe asks. Nick lets go of Gabe and takes his hand.

“Don’t worry, he didn’t see them. I kept him occupied. However, I talked to them” He says.

Gabe asks “What do they want?”

“They’re looking for Q. They are using the excuse of wanting to know how magic is practiced, to visit different magical communities, including the First Nations” Nick explains.

“Fuck! Have you told Q?” Gabe asks

Nick shakes his head. “No, I was going to, but he was so tired, I didn’t want to worry him. I’ll tell him tomorrow, though I don’t know how it will affect him. He’s been doing so well”

Gabe nods. They’re both good friends of Q and don’t want to see him hurt.

“Yes, you must tell him, before they come here. What if he decides to run? The babies are not old enough to be on the road. Plus, winter is coming” Nick chuckles.

“Well, he has his wolves to protect him” Nick says, making Gabe laugh, at the Game of Thrones reference. “But yes, I don’t want Q to be out there either. We can reinforce the anti-tracking spells. I’ll talk to your aunt tomorrow”

“How were they? His friends, I mean” Gabe asks

“Well, I recognized Julia, from Q’s photos. I’ve met the father of the babies too. And there was a blonde, who dressed like a librarian, who used her name as if it were supposed to mean something. They seemed the most worried. There was a brunette, with an eye patch, that didn’t seem very happy to be here. Oh, and an Indian guy too” Nick says.

“Julia, Q’s best friend. He had a crush on her when we met” Gabe reminisces. “What about the father?” He asks.

“The father seemed desperate. He was sad and looked tired. I think he really loves Q, or at least appreciates him enough to be worried” Nick says.

“They did have kids together” Gabe notes. “You said that the blonde threw her name like it was supposed to scare you. What was her name?” He asks. He doesn’t know many American magicians, but there are some prominent families, everyone has heard about.

“Oh, she said her name is Alice Quinn” Nick tells him

“Alice Quinn? Doesn’t ring a bell” Gabe says. He really doesn’t recognize the name. “We must think of a plan, in case they find this reservation” He finishes.

Nick sighs dejectedly. “What is it?” Gabe asks.

“If the council accepts Q’s friends' request, they’d like you to guide them” Nick tells him.

Gabe sighs “Why me?”

“Well, you’re classically trained and you’re part of the community” Nick explains. “But you don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to. I told the council I’d consult with you and I told Q’s friends I’d call them with our answer. I hate it to put it on you, but it’s your call” Nick says.

Gabe sighs again “Damn! I don’t want them to hurt Q. He’s been through enough. What happens if I reject the council’s request?”

“Nothing. They’re not too happy, as the request didn’t come through official channels. And they know how busy you are. Don’t feel bad, if you don’t want to be their guide” Nick calms Gabe, caressing his arm.

Gabe kisses him “Thank you, love. Let’s talk to Q tomorrow. Maybe he wants to meet them. If he doesn’t, call his friends and tell them it’s a no”

Nick kisses Gabe back. “Okay. Let’s go to bed”

The following morning, both men go to Q’s house after breakfast. Q has just finished feeding the babies and he’s settling them down for their morning nap. They knock on his door. The dogs come, but they don’t bark. Q has taught them not to bark when someone rings the bell or knocks. He doesn’t want them to wake up the babies. They usually wait until Q opens the door and depending on who’s knocking, they’ll growl in warning or will let them pass.

“Oh, hey guys” Q says, as he opens the door. “Come on in! I’ve got a pot of coffee; do you want some?” He goes towards the kitchen.

Nick and Gabe get in, petting Izotz, Izar, and Elur on the way. The three dogs sniff around them, looking for treats, whining, asking for them.

“Are they asking for treats? Please, don’t give them any” Q says “They won’t eat later, and they’ll be begging for them all day. That means you, Nick!”

Gabe laughs at Nick’s guilty expression, who has some bacon and is about to give it to the dogs. Nick whispers “How does he know that?”

Gabe shrugs his shoulders, while still laughing “Must be a dad superpower”

They both go into the kitchen, where Q has a couple of mugs ready. Nick and Gabe take one each and start sipping the coffee.

“What’s up? Did anything happen? You don’t usually come this early in the morning” Q says.

Gabe and Nick stare at each other. They reach a sort of agreement.

“Ok, Q, don’t freak out, but something happened yesterday” Nick starts.

Q smiles at first, but then he sees the worried look on his friends' faces. “Really, what is it?”

“Remember when we were at the First Nations Organization?” Nick asks. Q nods. “While you were visiting the place, I went to meet a group of people that want to visit the magical communities” Nick continues.

“And? Is there a problem with that? It’s not like the magic we do is a secret” Q says.

“That’s not the problem Q. The problem is who they are” Nick says. “It’s your friends from New York. They’re here, at least in Vancouver. And they’re looking for you”

Q pales and staggers. He sits down and hides his face behind his hands. He stays like that for a while, worrying Nick and Gabe. Gabe approaches him and gently touches him on the shoulder. “Q?”

Quentin raises his head “They’re here? All of them? How did they find me? Are they coming here? Do they know about the babies?” He starts to hyperventilate a bit.

Gabe kneels in front of him. “Q, breath. Breath with me” He uses the breathing technique to calm Q.

After a few deep breaths, Q calms down. He stares at both, with wide scared eyes. “They can’t come here. Don’t let them find me” He begs.

Nick kneels and takes Q’s hand. “They’re not going to come here, ok? There are anti-tracking spells at the reservations, and they need a sponsor to be able to get in the reservations. The council has suggested Gabe, to be their sponsor, only if he wants”

Quentin turns to look at Gabe “I’m not going to accept” Q breathes a sigh of relief “Plus, the holidays are coming in and we’ll be so busy with the preparations. Even if they weren’t your friends, I wouldn’t have the time to show people around” Q chuckles at that. Then he asks Nick the same questions he’s asked when he was hyperventilating.

“As far as I know, they’re in Vancouver, but I don’t know if they plan to stay. I think it was all of them. There were 5 women and three men. Probably, they used a spell, but it only gave them the general area of British Columbia. They’re not coming here, and I don’t know if they know about the babies, they didn’t mention it” Nick tells Q.

Quentin breathes deeply again. “You promise?” He sounds a bit like a young kid.

Gabe and Nick hug him “Don’t worry Q, we’ll protect you”

**Back in Vancouver, in an apartment …**

Julia gets off the phone with the guy they met at the First Nations organization.

“Fuck! They have rejected our request! They say that it’s too close to the holidays and the guy they wanted to guide us is busy!”

Kady offers her a beer “So, what do we do now?”

“I don’t want to leave until we find Q” Eliot says “Do whatever you want, but I’m staying”

“Me too” Alice says. Julia smiles at her. She’s staying too.

Fen gets up from her seat “As much as I want to find Quentin, I can't stay that much time away from Fillory. I need to get back” She looks sad.

Julia squeezes her arm “It’s ok, Fen. We can keep you posted when we find him”

Fen looks at Eliot, who smiles at her “Don’t worry Fen. You can go back to Fillory. We’ll find him” Eliot kisses her cheek.

“I should go with her too” Josh says “But come to Fillory when you find him”

Julia, Alice, and Eliot nod in agreement.

“Me too. I want to find Quentin too, but they need me back in New York. Covens are fighting and it can become a turf war. We don’t need that” Kady says. She misses Quentin too and regrets not having been closer to him.

They turn to stare at Penny and Margo, who have been the only ones not keen on finding Q.

“I don’t care what you do. I know you’re going to be using me as an uber, so whatever” Penny says. “I’ll stay in New York, but I’ll be available if you need me”

Margo remains quiet. They are all staring at her. Apart from Penny, she has been the most vocal about not wanting to find Q.

“What? I know I’m pretty to look at, but you’re making me fucking nervous with your village of the damned stares” The others say nothing. She throws her hands in the air “Oh, for fuck's sake. Grow a pair and stop staring at me! You know what I think! And the fact that Pocahontas can’t help us, should clue us in! Nerd boy doesn’t want to be found! We should all go back to New York”

Eliot looks dejected. Alice takes his hand and Julia puts her arm around his waist, trying to console him. He thought maybe Margo would come to her senses, but it seems that she’s resentful of Q

“Jesus! What is your problem, Margo?” Alice asks. “I thought you were Q’s friend too!”

“We’ve been looking for him for months, and the only clue we’ve had is this god damned place! We all have lives to go back to! You’re losing your time, looking for him! 23, if you’re leaving for New York, I’m leaving with you!” Margo says, not minding the looks of anger Julia, Alice, and Fen throw at her. She looks Eliot “Eliot, come back with me” She pleads, though she knows Eliot is not going to come with her.

Eliot stares at her, angry. “Margo, I love Q and I’m not going to stop until I find him, even if it takes me years. You can leave, for all I care. I’m going to find my family and bring them back home. And I’m not sure I want you to still be part of that family”

Margo takes a step back. Eliot and she have fought, they have had their disagreements, they’ve gone through betrayals, almost being killed, crazy nights and parties, trips … They’ve been each other’s person since they started at Brakebills. She thought that they’d be a family, no matter who they were in relationships with. To hear him say that he no longer wants her in his life, it’s like a knife through her heart. And a wake-up call. But her pride doesn’t let her admit that she has been feeling guilty about how she’s treated Q, about running away to Fillory and letting Q and Julia deal with the Monster, about blaming Q for Eliot being possessed, when it was their idea to shoot the Monster, with the god killing bullet. She lashes out again “Fine! Do whatever you want! 23, when are you going back to New York?”

“In a couple of days. We need to give the keys and the car back tomorrow” Penny says “Anyone coming to New York should get their things ready” He leaves the room.

Eliot sits down again, not looking at Margo. He’s given up on her. He’s never thought there would be a time when he’d choose someone over Margo, but he’s really disappointed with her.

The rest don’t say anything. Kady, Josh and Margo leave to go to their apartment. The following day, while those leaving for New York are getting ready, the others are talking about what their next move should be. Eliot and Alice are discussing either trying a locating spell again, using Eliot’s connection to the baby or just getting on a car and visiting every city in British Columbia, which sounds ludicrous. Julia offers her opinion from time to time. She gets a phone call and goes to another room.

“Hello?” She asks.

“Hello, Julia. It’s Shannon, Quentin’s mother. How are you?” Quentin mother’s asks.

Julia is surprised by her call. “Oh, hello Mrs. Coldwater. I’m fine, and you?” She wonders what Q’s mom wants.

“Well, I was cleaning the attic, going through some boxes, and I found something that belongs to Quentin. I remember you called me some time ago, asking if I had anything that belonged to him” Q’s mom says.

Julia holds her breath for a second. “Yes, I remember. Did you find anything?”

“Yes, actually. Do you remember the summer Quentin turned 15? He was not doing so well, and Ted took him on one of his trips” Q’s mom tells her.

Julia remembers. It’s the summer Q was diagnosed with depression, plus things were a bit awkward between them because it was the start of Q’s crush on her. “I remember” She says. “When he came back from the trip, he seemed much better” Actually, when he came back, he was mostly happy, his crush on her mostly forgotten.

“Yes, I don’t know what Ted did, or what happened, but for a while, it was much easier to be with him, until …” Julia gets a bit angry at the implication. Q’s mom has never been able to fully accept Q’s diagnosis, she considered it was just a phase or a way of calling for her attention, for having left after the divorce. “Anyway” Q’s mom continues “I’ve found a dreamcatcher that Quentin made. And one of the postcards he sent me from there. I was thinking, if you still want those things, maybe you can stop by and pick them up” Q’s mom says.

Julia’s heart is beating fast. What if…? “Mrs. Coldwater, could you tell me where the postcard is from?”

“What? Oh, yes, dear. Hum, let me see. It says it’s a picture of the Kitselas Canyon, near the Gitaus reservation. I didn’t know they had gone to one. I thought they’d spent the summer in libraries, Quentin reading, while Ted did his research, on whatever he was studying. So, when will you be able to come to pick those things? I’m leaving for a trip in a few weeks and if you don’t need those things, I’m just going to throw them away” Q’s mom says.

“In a couple of weeks, maybe” Julia says. They might have Q’s location, but if it doesn’t work, the dreamcatcher and the postcard could be used for a locating spell, she needs that Q’s mom doesn’t throw those. “I’ll call you, to tell you in advance when I’m going”

“Ok, dear. Give my regards to Quentin when you see him. And tell him he should call his mother more often. Seriously, that boy, when is he going to stop running and face the real world, like a grown-up! Going away for so long and he calls me once in a blue moon! I hope you get some sense into him, you were always the more mature of the two” Q’s mom says.

“I will, Mrs. Coldwater. Thank you for your call, it’s been a great help” Julia says, wanting to hang up.

“Bye dear” Q’s mom hangs up.

Julia runs to the living room. “I think I know where Q is!”

Eliot and Alice stare at her. “That was Q’s mom. She’s told me, she has found something that belongs to Q and she has given me a clue of where Q might be”

“And?” Alice asks.

“Ok, so the summer Q was diagnosed with depression, Ted took him in one of his research trips. He didn’t tell me where he’d gone, but when he came back, he was much better” Julia explains.

“Research? What did Q’s dad do?” Eliot asks.

“He was an anthropologist, he studied mostly Native American cultures and he’d go on research trips, to stay with different tribes and such. Q’s mom found a dreamcatcher and a postcard, from the place they went to” Julia continues.

“So?” Alice asks. “It could mean anything, just a random postcard from a place”

“Alice, you don’t get it. That summer, when Q was diagnosed, it was one of the worst. He’d tried his first attempt, which lead to the diagnosis and he was at rock bottom. When Ted and he left, he was in such a bad place, Ted was talking about sending him to an institution if he didn’t get better. When they came back, Q was almost back to being who he was, before the diagnosis, even better. He was happy, or as happy as he could be” Julia says. “I think that something happened there, at that reservation and maybe Q thought it would be a good place to heal”

Eliot is shaking slightly. After so many months of small advances and setbacks, they have a solid clue. “I say we go and see if he’s there”

Alice and Julia nod. “It’s worth trying. Tomorrow?”

They nod. Julia starts packing, while Alice looks for the distance between Vancouver and the reservation, and Eliot tries to find a rental, a van, just in case, the others want to come.

That night, while they’re having their last dinner together, Julia tells them about the call and the plan of going to the reservation. Fen, Josh, and Kady are happy they have a clue and decide to go with them. They can postpone their return for a couple of days. After some very tense moments, Margo and Penny decide to go too, but they say that if Q’s not there, they’re leaving.

The following morning, they leave, early in the morning. The drive is a few hours and it gets dark earlier. Julia, Eliot, Alice, Fen, Josh, and Kady are giddy, about the possibility of finding Q. Fen is especially curious about the baby. They take turns driving. Eliot almost drives them up the wall, with his constant nervousness, he can’t keep still and the only moments he can concentrate is when he’s driving. Alice and Julia spend almost all the trip holding hands, occasionally kissing them, reassuring each other. They stop several times, to take toilet and coffee breaks. It’s around lunchtime when they get to the closest town near the reservation. They ask for directions, and a very nice man tells them how to get there. The closer they get to where Q might be, the more nervous Eliot gets.

They finally arrive at the reservation. There are not many people outside. It’s a workday and it’s cold too. There are more houses than they expected, and they can’t knock on each house. Luckily, they see a man, who seems to have arrived from his job. Alice gets out of the car and runs up to him

“Excuse me, sir. Does a man called Quentin Coldwater live here?” She asks the man.

“Quentin? Yes, he lives here. His house is the last one at the end of the road. It has a big garden, there’s no mistaking it” the man tells her.

Alice smiles at the man “Thank you so much!” And she runs back to the car.

“Q’s house is at the end of the road” She tells Eliot, who’s driving.

They arrive at Q’s house. It’s a one-story house, with a huge garden. It has decorations on the porch, for the season and Thanksgiving. There is also a sign that says beware of the dogs, which puzzles Q’s friends. They stay in the car, deciding who’s going to knock on the door. Julia is chosen, as Q’s oldest friend. They decide against all of them going at the same time, they don’t want to overwhelm him.

Julia starts going to the house. The closer she gets to the door, the more nervous she gets. She arrives at the door. She hesitates for a few seconds, turning around to see their friends in the car. She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. She hears some shuffling and movement, the clicks of dog paws, and steps coming towards the door. The door opens

“Q?” She asks.

**Q’s point of view**

The day starts just like any other. After he feeds his babies in the morning, they go on a walk with the dogs. Winter is close, he feels it in the crisp air. It’s going to snow soon, he knows it. After the walk, he sets the twins in their play mats on the floor, Izar and Elur watching them, while Izotz watches him. He works on a couple of objects they have brought him from the archeological site. A couple are magical, and the others are only regular objects, but all of them are valuable. He practices a couple of easy spells Alex has given him and cuddles with his babies until it’s lunchtime.

He has lunch and then feeds the twins. He puts them to sleep, for their afternoon nap, after changing them. Alec goes down like a light. But AJ is fussing, so he takes her in his arms and rocks her, while he sings softly. Izar is lying next to the crib, on Alec’s side. Elur is a bit restless, just like AJ is. Izotz is lying, a bit further, near the entrance, where the air is a bit colder.

Q almost has AJ settled down and is ready to put her in the crib when there’s a knock on his door. He thinks that it might be Nick, or Gabe, or Alex, they’re the only visitors he has. AJ is still awake. He goes to open the door, while he tells her, in a soft voice:

“Ok, baby girl, let's go see who’s visiting daddy, and then, let's get you to sleep, otherwise, you’re going to be cranky” He kisses AJ’s head, who smiles at his dad. He continues rocking her with one arm, while he opens the door. The dogs have gotten up and they’re around him, curious about the person at the other side of the door.

“Jules!”

“Oh my god, Q! It’s really you!” Julia almost shouts. She moves to hug Q, but she sees he’s holding a baby. She takes a step inside, when she hears the growls of some of the biggest dogs she’s ever seen, they look like wolves! Q shushes the dogs and points at the living room, clicking his tongue. The dogs go to the living room and lie down, but they keep Q in their line of sight. Q laughs at their antics.

“You look good Q” Julia says. He looks happy, healthy, better than she has ever seen him. He has regained the weight he lost while looking after the Monster and his hair is long again, though not long enough for him to tie it in a bun. She looks at the baby in Q’s arms.

“She/he is beautiful” She says.

“She” Q answers. “He turns the baby in his arms, so Julia can look at her. She looks like both Eliot and Q. “Her name is AJ” he smiles at his daughter and then continues rocking her. “What are you doing here, Jules?” it comes out a little harsher than he expects.

Julia takes a step back. “We’re looking for you, Q” She says.

“We? Who’s we?” Q asks.

“What? Q, all of us. We’re all here” Julia says.

Q doesn’t seem happy “Why?” He asks.

“Why? Q, because we miss you!” Julia says. “We love you and we’ve been looking for you for months!” Julia says, loud enough to startle the baby in Q’s arms. She starts crying, which makes wakes her brother up and he starts crying too. Q loves that the babies are attuned to each other, but when they fuss at the same time, it’s not pretty at all. He sighs, going to the crib, to take out Alec too.

“What’s that?” Julia asks. She hears not one, but two babies crying.

“That’s AJ’s brother, who I just managed to put to sleep. Now I have to start all over again” Q is more than annoyed with Julia, but he doesn’t want to yell at her.

Julia stays at the entrance of Q’s house, completely stunned. Twins? Q has twins? She goes further in the house, to a living room, where there’s a crib, the dogs are there, shuffling nervously around Q, who’s taking a baby out of the crib, while he holds the other. He starts rocking them, softly singing too them, not noticing Julia is staring at him. Q finally gets the babies to fall asleep and moves the crib to another room. He takes a baby monitor and closes the door. He makes a signal for the dogs to follow him, petting them as they get closer to him.

“Let's go outside” Q says, still not looking at her.

They go to the porch, where Q sets the baby monitor on a bench. The dogs lie down again, guarding Q, and occasionally growling at Julia, if she makes a sudden move. They don’t speak for a while, both staring at the view. Q sees a van he doesn’t recognize.

“Is that them?” he asks Julia.

“Q, I told you, we’re all here, for you” Julia says again.

Quentin looks at her, then at the van, then at her again. “You didn’t seem to notice I was there, then” He says it flatly, with no feelings.

“Q …” Julia sighs.

Quentin looks at her and it’s a hard look. “Did Fogg give you my letters?”

“Yes, as soon as Eliot woke up, he gave us the letters” Julia answers.

Quentin laughs, but it’s derisive. “Wow, I thought he wouldn’t respect my wishes. Will you look at that? I guess he told you at least I was in Canada?”

Julia shakes her head. “No. Fogg didn’t tell us anything. We found that you were here, using a spell. But it only gave us a general area”

“So how did you find me? This place is protected against tracking spells and I have several anti-tracking spells on the house, the babies and me” Q wonders.

“Your mom. Looking through old boxes, she found a dreamcatcher you made and a postcard of this place, from when you came here, the first time, I guess” Julia tells him.

Quentin chuckles. “Oh, so that’s where it was. I thought I’d lost it” He turns to look at her in the eyes. “Julia, why are you really here? What do you need? You can’t have been looking for me, just because you missed me. So, what’s the crisis?” Q asks.

Julia looks appalled. Have they screwed up so badly, that Quentin thinks the only reason they’re here, is because the world needs saving again?

“Q, what? No! It’s not like that! We miss you, ok! Ever since you disappeared, we’ve been looking for you! And when we found about the pregnancy ….” Julia tells him.

Quentin interrupts her “How did you find about the pregnancy? I didn’t tell anyone”

“Lipson told us. When Eliot and I were in a checkup after we healed, she told us she wanted to see you, to see if you had suffered any damages at the Seam, and she told us about the spell you used, to hide the pregnancy. Q, why didn’t you tell us?”

Quentin laughs derisively again “What, about my pregnancy?” Julia nods. “When, Jules, when was I going to tell you? And would you have believed me, if I had told you I was pregnant?” Quentin asks bitterly.

Meanwhile, in the van, the others are looking out of the window, watching Julia talk to Quentin. They’re getting restless, especially Eliot. They have to wait, until Julia gives them the all-clear, to get out of the car.

“What is taking them so long?” Eliot asks. “I see Q is talking to Julia, but she hasn’t said it’s ok for us to leave”

Alice sends Julia a text “Is it ok to get out?”

In Q’s porch, Julia’s phone pings. Julia reads the text. “You’re friends are getting restless” Q comments.

“They’re your friends too, and they want to know if they can come here” Julia says.

“I’m sure not all of them are happy you found me” Q says, thinking mostly about Penny 23.

Julia tries to take Q’s hand, but he takes it away from her before she can. “Q, don’t say that. We love you, and we want you to come back, home” She says.

“I’m home Jules. I haven’t felt anyplace as home, as this, or …” Q is thinking about the Mosaic.

“The Mosaic?” Julia finishes. Quentin’s eyes widen.

“Eliot told Alice and me, about the Mosaic. Why didn’t you tell me about it?” Julia wonders why Q never confided in her about that.

Quentin looks sad and angry, about Julia intruding in those memories “Because it brings back painful memories” Q remembers Eliot’s rejection, that day in the throne room. He looks at his watch. The twins are about to wake up from their nap and it’s time for a walk before it gets too dark and chilly. “Jules, I’ve got to go. The twins are about to wake up, I have to get them ready for their stroll and I’m giving them a bottle before we leave” he gets up and starts getting in his home, the dogs beside him.

In the car, Eliot can’t take it anymore and when he sees that Q is going inside, he gets out and walks to the house. “Q!” he calls out.

Quentin, his hand on the doorknob, turns around and sees Eliot in the trail, leading to his home. He stops, staring at Eliot, who’s staring back. Eliot goes down the path in a few strides and gets to the porch. “Q!” He calls out again.

“El!” Quentin says softly, eyes tearing up.

Eliot tears up too. he approaches Q and hugs him, tightly, while he murmurs Q, over and over. Julia is looking at both men, crying and smiling at the same time. The dogs move around Q and Eliot, whining softly, asking for their owner’s attention. Then a wail comes out of the baby monitor. Q gets loose of Eliot’s hug and goes inside, to pick up his babies. Eliot and Julia follow him.

Q gets to the crib and leans down, touching his children, who calm a bit, when they see their father.

“Hello, babies! Daddy is here! We’re going to have a nice bottle and then, we’re going to go out” Q tells his babies, speaking softly. Eliot and Julia are standing there, just staring, holding hands. Eliot can’t believe what he’s seeing. Twins! Q was carrying twins! His children! And because of his stupidity, he hasn’t almost met them!

Q picks Alec up first “Ok, let's see. Oh, baby boy, we need to change you” he sets Alec on the changing table. Then he picks AJ. She needs changing too. With a flick of his writs, he starts heating a couple of already prepared bottles, he always has them. While the bottles are getting heated up, he changes his babies nappies and takes off his t-shirt and hoodie and puts his hoodie back on, with the zip untied. He turns around and sees Julia and Eliot staring at him. He picks AJ and gives her to Eliot, who takes her in his arms.

“Help me give them the bottle,” Q says as if it’s the most normal thing. “Oh, but take off your jacket and vest, and untie your shirt, it works better if its skin to skin” And with Alec in his arms, he goes to the kitchen, to take the bottles that are ready.

Julia helps Eliot take of his vest and jacket, while he holds AJ, and he unties his shirt with one hand. Q comes with the two bottles and gives one to Eliot, who remembers how to give it to the baby, from his memories with Teddy, at the Mosaic. They both sit down on the couch, with the dogs sitting down at their feet, forming a protective barrier. Julia sits down in an armchair, just looking at Q and Eliot, holding their babies. They’re so engrossed, that they don’t hear the noise, until Izotz stands up and growls, making Elur and Izar growl. The others have gotten out of the car, they have come inside Q’s house, and they’re just staring at Q and Eliot too, as they feed the babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Q is going to have a very important conversation with Eliot, Eliot will take his head out of his ass and Q will also give what they deserve to his friends.   
> I've recently discovered a new ship, the Buck / Eddie ship, from the 9-1-1 show. I have a couple of ideas on how to integrate both shows in a story, I just need to give it a spin! 😉


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